Post # 1
I was half listening to the radio on my drive to work this morning, and someone brought up the idea of couples counseling before marriage. I have to say, it peaked my interest. This person argued that it was a necessity and a great idea, but unfortunately I didn’t get to listen to the whole debate. I wanted to see why they’d say that.
It wasn’t something I ever considered, but thinking about it, why not? We’ve been together 4 years and are getting married in November. We’ve never had any problems to warrant counseling or even a serious fight. I think that counseling would just strengthen the already good thing we have going. Or…is it a waste of time?
Has anyone done this before? I’d love to hear some thoughts!
Post # 2
I didn’t do it, but I’ve heard pretty good things from the people who have. If you don’t mind spending the money, it definitely can’t hurt.
Post # 3
MrsGatito: Agreed! I was disappointed at how little our church does in the ways of marriage counseling (at least that’s required of us). I’m sure they offer something more if we ask about it. Right now it’s just an optional written test to take and 1 session of pre cana. For some reason I thought there was much more involved!
Post # 4
My fiance and I didn’t do counseling persay. In order for us to get married in our chosen church we had to go through marriage preparation. It was with a couple from the church and it was a great eye-opening experience. We’ve been dating for six years and will be married in September, we thought we knew everything about each other. There were topics that were hard for us to discuss but it put everything on the table and it explained alot about who we are as individuals.
I suggest finding a local church, that way its free, and see if there is a marriage preparation/counseling couple that can be open to helping you. There’s nothing wrong with free therapy! 😉
Post # 5
Most churches require some form of it, and in many states if you do so many hours during engagement, you will get a discount on your marriage license. I know when Minnesota did that, they said it was because pre-marriage prep helps to lower the divorce rates
Post # 6
BurlapnLace: I think counseling can NEVER hurt, ever. I think it can shed an unbiased opinion, or light onto ways to strengthen your relationship, keep communication open, and problem solve if or where need be. The key to it being successful is that each party is 100% open to ideas, or suggestions, and is willing to have transparency while in each session.
My FI and myself went together when ‘other’ things in our lives were not going so great. His brother was in rehab for addiction, again, and my mother was dying. We, as a couple were great, but wanted to ensure that we – as a couple – sought insight into navigating difficult paths outside of the relationship together, and even on our own. It was really helpful, and it really opend our eyes toward how we each deal with difficulty, and how we can each support those emotions without ‘pushing’ too hard. If that makes sense…
Post # 7
SweetFlower: We are ALL for any kind of discount! LOL
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
BurlapnLace: The book 1001 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married is a great book to read together and discuss personal beliefs and morals with each other. http://www.amazon.com/1001-Questions-Ask-Before-Married/dp/0071438033/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1396964713&sr=1-1&keywords=questions+to+ask+before+you+get+married
Post # 9
BurlapnLace: I’ve always thought it was a good idea. I remember reading an interview ages ago where Will Smith and Jada Pinkett were asked the secret to their happiness, they said that they took divorce off the table, it’s just not an option and they’ve been going to couples counselling since thier 2nd month of dating (or something like that) even if you don’t have problems having someone to talk to can help.
Post # 10
MsGinkgo: Interesting! I never knew that about them.
Post # 11
BurlapnLace: My fiancee and I are in pre-marital counseling now and its fantastic. We are from 2 completely different cultural backgrounds and its been very helpful and given us a lot of understanding. It truly gives you even more insight into the other person’s character and also helps you uncover and work thru underlying issues you may not have even known were there. I’m really glad we decided to go!
Post # 12
BurlapnLace: Hi. It was recommended to me by a therapist friend. When she was describing it to me (because hello! I’m perfect and don’t need that!), she said it would consist of a few visits to go over common marriage stressors and help figure out what pages we are on and work through any difficulties we might have in those regards. For instance, finances, sex, communication and more would be covered.
So it wasn’t a “fix-it” kind of marriage counseling but more of a “get to know each other better” kind of thing.
Post # 13
I never thought about it but the church require us to attend a pre-marriage course that is non religious. It’s a two days seminar this weekend. I’m looking forward for it!!!
Post # 14
There will always be stress and change in your lives. How you deal with those stresses and conflict in your relationship is what deterrmines the strength of a relationship. A therapist can ask the questions that you may not have thought of. As an example, you might both want children, but what if there are infertility problems? If one person views it as “well, it wasn’t meant to be”, and the other person thinks ” ok, we do IVF, aggressive treatments, etc”, that’s going to be a source of conflict. Addressing HOW you talk about this can change a situation from being a source of resentment and anger to one where you work together. Counseling, when done properly, can give you the tools to work through the hardships.
Post # 15
100% in support of this! We aren’t religious so knew it wouldn’t a requirement. After reading a compelling article about how much time and effort is spent into planning the wedding DAY and not the marriage, I felt like something clicked. It made total sense to do couples counseling! It felt silly since we didn’t have any issues or problems to bring up, but we sought it out anyway and I’m glad we did!
We had about 5 sessions with a family therapist and she was fantastic. She commended us on coming to her in a position of strength as opposed to weakness which is what most couples do. We talked about all sorts of things, from what we want and expect from marriage, from each other, our strengths and weaknesses, what we need from the other, and so on. It was a great experience and we learned a lot! I’m very glad we did it.