Marriage is hard…

posted 1 month ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
726 posts
Busy bee

Is there time for the two of you to go on a date?  Maybe a walk in the park or dinner, or even a weekend away?  If you were able to set aside some time for connection and conversation, maybe you’d feel less like the other commitments are too in the way for your relatinships.  I am sorry to hear about your health conidition as well as your friend who does not support you.  I hope that you have some friends or family that build you up rather than tear you down.

Post # 3
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yes, marriage is very difficult, but it’s not impossible. I will say that sex is not all there is to a marriage. When you both exchanged vows, you vowed to be there for one another “for better or for worse” and “in sickness and in health”. You are, unfortunately, experiencing health issues that prevent you from having sexual penetration. As you stated, there are other ways to have that intimacy without penetration. Couples who have daily penetration don’t necessarily have a better relationship than you do. Both you and your husband just need to work together to find out what you both need/want from one another. Communication is key.

My husband and I work different shifts and have a difficult time spending time with one another during the week. We have our share of ups and downs, but we are trying to work on our communication to make sure we’re doing all we can to support one another emotionally and physically. Our marriage is far from a fairytale. I think it’s unrealistic to expect a fairytale when you have two people experiencing and reacting to life in different ways. That’s why we all need to work together as a team to overcome obstacles and other pressures.

As far as this “friend”……..I would not share anymore private information with her and would back away. She isn’t sounding like a very good friend. No “friend” should judge and criticize your relationship. A friend should be there to support you…….not bring you down……..

Post # 6
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Embassy suites Hotel

lola217 :  most important thing is what does your husband think and how does he feel? I mean sex is huge part of any relationship and so in a way your ‘friend’ does have a point…

The only person that can tell you the future of your relationship is your husband. 

Post # 7
Member
4339 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

Yes, marriage is hard.  It involves constant growth and fliexibilty and re-commitment.  People get sick, family or friends can die, bills can add up in unexpected ways it can move you to different places where you have to start over…  But if both people are committed to it, it can survive just about anything.  Keep communication open with him and do not talk about it with your “friend”.  She is not living your life, nor does she have to understand how your marriage works.  She has no business really, giving her thougts on it.  What maters is your DH and how he feels about it all, and how you can work together to get the marriage back to a place where you both want it to be.  

Post # 9
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

I get you, I haven’t been able to have penetrative sex or basically anything inside my vagina for almost a year due to endometriosis and a cervical erosion. It’s slightly different for me since my partner is a woman, but it just kind of puts you off sex when your vagina is painful off limits. I find that sex helps me feel closer to my partner and we’ve been growing apart slightly over the last 6 months due to this and work and other commitments.

I think your friend was very rude to say that, especially considering it’s not your choice to not have penetrative sex, you physically can’t because you have a condition. All I can say is maybe schedule regular date nights where you spend quality time together, maybe have a bottle of wine, that seems to always help me feel more “lovey dovey”. I like to spend time kissing and cuddling and that helps me feel closer to her to. But no one should try and make you feel like your marriage can’t work because you can’t have penetrative sex, that’s appalling. 

Post # 10
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

lola217 :  Just a word of advice, don’t tell your friends your personal business (especially when it come to your DH). Not everyone has good intentions. If you need someone to confide in, talk to your doctor about your health issues. 

 

Post # 12
Member
898 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

lola217 :  Have you ever talked to your husband about all of this?

Post # 15
Member
9351 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s not smart to share relationship problems with friends, in general. Sure if you have a huge problem that you are the source of and you need a kick and your friend is that type, maybe. But in general if you want friends to respect your partner you can’t share all of the details/complaints. 

Im not saying this is your fault, more that it’s not just you who has this problem. 

If you’re connecting physically in other ways, that’s great. Physical problems/health issues are a part of marriage/relationships. Just find a way to keep up the emotional connection that comes from intimacy. 

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