Post # 1
My husband has always been into a particular sport since I have known him.. practing on his own a few times a week… For the last few months he has decided to start training and attempting to compete as an amaeteur. He feels I am not being supportive because I rarely act supportive or interested in it.
Its not so much that I’m not supportive but sometimes I feel that I am not put first. He trains 4 to 5 days a week and is gone anywhere between 2 and 5 hours… often more like 5… Some of the days are when I am off.. So he will get home from work.. be home for 10 minutes to change etc then leave for another few hours… he also trains on Friday nights when we could be doing soemthing together and half the day on Sundays (also when we could be doing something together).
Its not that I want him to quit.. just be more considerate of the days he does it.. not to mention we rarely make an effor any longer to actually do things together… we are pretty much like best friends but we rarely do anything more then go out to dinner… i.e. we never go to the movies or go out and make an effor to really do anything. I am also tired a lot because I work almost 50 hours a week and we have a puppy that we feel bad leaving home a lot.
I try to explain to him that if things were better between us.. i.e. did more things together, including being more intimate then maybe I would be more supportive of his hobby. Not to mention he rarely helps out around the house… which makes me more tired and frustrated….
Am I being irrational? Do I need to be more supporitve?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Sounds like you two need a hobby/activity that you can do together. Movies & dinner aren’t necessarily going to bring you closer together as a couple.
His training basically sounds like a part-time job- 25 hours a week- which is a pretty significant time away from home. I agree with you- would be nice for his free time and yours to correspond. Can you get a cleaning service, so you two don’t have that issue?
If you two aren’t doing things together, I can see his point of view- “Well, we’re not going to do anything on Sunday anyway, so I might as well train.” I don’t think you’re being irrational- you two just need to figure out more mutual hobbies/activities.
Post # 4
you are not being irrational. yes you should be supportive of your husband’s hobby but it is what it is: a hobby = something you do with your spare time. he can’t possibly think that he could spend every waking moment training and assuming that his marriage will do just fine!
Post # 5
@rebwana: He keeps telling me I need a hobby.. I say when would I have time for a hobby between all my working and taking care of the house and our puppy etc etc.. I do agree that doing something together would be great. Any ideas?
Post # 6
Post # 7
I have this problem too. My husband is obsessed with sports. He likes college basketball, a few different pro football teams and college football. This weekend for example he watched football switching back and forth between college games and watching the alabama v. auburn highlight reel. It’s really hard because he works nights at a hospital and has been gone for four nights and it’s his first night home and he just asked if he could watch another football game. We never make dinner together, I usually do it when he works nights. He doesn’t really cook unless it is to entertain people. I feel like my home life is so flat and that I fill it with anything resembling a home – food, dinner together, meaningful time.
I told him tonight that him talking to the tv and me sitting next to him is not meaningful time together and he has been working the last four nights so I’d like to spend time with him. He yelled at my about how his biochemistry is off (from working nights) and he is tired and just wants to workout and do something he likes, ie: watch sports.
I feel like we watched sports this week. I guess I’m learning I am not a sports buff at all. Sometimes I have fun watching with my family but I am not the kind of girl who ever makes it a priority to sit down and watch sports unless it is a superbowl party. The only sport I like is baseball (which is the one he doesn’t like to watch on tv).
I don’t know what to do. His friends all like sports too and they always joke about sports and their college days. I’m feeling more and more like an outsider and I’m just so bored with sports!
I just feel like we don’t have anything in common anymore. When we were younger it was a new and exciting to go to a sports event or visit his friends somewhere but now it is so predictable and boring to me.
I was so excited to have a nice dinner and watch the Voice together (the only thing on tv we both like). I feel totally deflated. I heard that the one similarity in long relationships is having two common hobbies.
While we are both curious enought to try each other’s hobbies we don’t really have any that overlap. I just feel so sad.