Post # 1
All, anyone here been "enabled" to change their career "because" of their marriage?
Right now I make good money, but my job is super stressful. I am on the executive track and have been trying to push myself up the ladder.
I’ve always known that kids were more important to me, though, and I feel like in my particular career field, it is hard to juggle both. (no judgement on those who do!) So, now I’m thinking about switching to something I’m more passionate about, and hopefully fewer hours once I am pregnant…maybe sooner if my work climate doesn’t improve! but I’m trying to wait until my student loans are paid off. Otherwise, our only debt is our mortgage.
I feel a little weird working that hard just to jump off the ladder, but I think in the long run I will be much happier and we’ll have a healthier family for it!
Does your hubby support you emotionally and/or financially enough that you quit your old job?
Post # 3
I haven’t gotten to that point, but our engagement led to my FI’s career change. He had gone into PR like I did, but wasn’t happy.
He is currently going back to school (even though he already has a BS in PR) and will get another degree in about a year. My parents are lending us the money so we will only be in debt to them, not some credit company.
Post # 4
I’ve been working lousy retail jobs for about 5 years while trying to land a job in the interior design field (that’s what I majored in in college). Unfortunately I was never able to land a job of any kind that offered me the opportunity to advance. Thankfully my hubby was in full support of me just completely quitting my job and staying at home. So I have been unemployed for almost two weeks now and I couldn’t be happier! I was so tired of working jobs that led to nowhere while having to deal with uber rude customers who treated me like dirt. Now I stay at home and take care of our dogs, maintain our home, and am slowly working on starting my own papercrafting business! I get to do things I actually enjoy doing and i get to spend more time with my hubby! I don’t think it gets better than that!
Post # 5
Mine is the reverse, where our engagement led to my fiance’s career change. We’re an international couple, and in order to stay living in the same country he ended up going back to university to do a Master’s degree. It’s something he’s always wanted to do, but never felt like he could, didn’t have the right incentive, that sort of thing. At first I was nervous that since he was initially doing it to get the student visa that he wouldn’t like it, but he’s been so happy to have made this big step, and really feels like it’s going to make a great difference to his life. So… yay!
Post # 6
cannotwait this is such a great post!!
I think I am in a similar situation as you. FI and I both work long, crazy hours, but I hate my career and FI LOVES his. The pay is great and I have benefits so I guess I shouldnt complain. But how will we have a family is both of us maintain our current career paths?
He and I have not talked about it yet, but I will probably slow down (i know, not very progressive).
Post # 7
FutureMrsMorgan, I feel the same way, not very progressive of me! I used to be a lot more progressive, but I think you have to do what is right for your situation…women’s lib was meant to liberate us, not narrow our options to those that were limited in our past!
Both of our mom’s work for schools, so we both have similar expectations of ‘mommy time’. Ideally, I’d like to be a professor, but I am too burnt out from masters to think about doing PhD, and I would maybe go get PhD once the future kiddos are in school. 😉
Post # 8
This is a really interesting topic for me. I feel like I’ve spent the majority of my time preparing for my career–working hard at school, taking a first job that would help prepare me, obsessing over law school apps, going to (and paying for) a top law school. And now working as a lawyer, spending a lot of time thinking about my career path and developing a practice.
DH is also a lawyer, but kind of fell into it. Also, he has no debt from law school.
Of the two of us, he’s the better lawyer. First, he’s just an insanely good lawyer. And second, he cares about it more than I do.
We both want kids, and there’s simply NO WAY to do it on our schedules — we leave the house around 7am most mornings, and get home around 730pm. Sometimes much later, and we can never be sure in advance. It’s a rare weekend where neither of us has to work.
I’m way more of the likely candidate to lessen the work load once we have kids. The reverse situation would drive us both nuts, although especially me.
Already though, I feel guilty. I spent SO MUCH time and effort to get here. And money. That is still due. It seems like such a waste to spend all that time and have such an amazing education to stay at home or go part time. But honestly, that’s what I’d really rather do. And DH would never say it, but I think he’d prefer it as well (he says it’s 100% up to me).
However, I’m getting to the point where it just seems inevitable. Not only because it’s what I want and I just don’t see it working otherwise, anyway. But because I’ve recently seen two other lawyers who have just had kids give up their practice to stay home. And they were seriously amazing lawyers who were so dedicated to their work. I’m thinking, if they don’t want to stick around, I’ve got zero chance.
Post # 9
FI is currently looking for a new job with better pay so that I can quit my full time job. I moonlight as a Pampered Chef consultant, so I would continue to do that to pay for my student loans. We will hopefully open our own business once we have our own place and enough room, which will hopefully be before we start a family of our own.
Post # 10
mrstye, I don’t think you should feel guilty…I hope that is something that comes from this post…maybe that’s a lofty goal, lol. I feel like there is this big divide between working moms and stay at home moms…there is a lot of judgement, when we should all be supporting each other, instead!
I hope if any of us decide to stay home, regardless of what type or career we have, we can enjoy it 100%! I know a lot of people feel it’s old fashioned to assume the man will stay home, OR they think you HAVE to have 2 jobs to get by nowadays, but I think most of the time you CAN make it work….just with less STUFF that you can buy. On the other hand, I think you shouldn’t feel like a bad mom if you go back to work…just try to find the best daycare you can afford and find other ways to spend quality time. Like, I had a roomie who cleaned while she nannied…maybe I can get me one of those some day, hehe. My husband I already joke that WE need a housewife, and I can honestly say our rel’nship has improved by getting a housekeeper that comes 1x/mo! 😉
Post # 11
Funnily enough, I might end up having to change careers because of my marriage.
See, my fiance works for a nonprofit organization, and he’s currently looking for a promotion that will put him somewhere in the United States – we don’t know where, and we don’t know when, although I’m hoping as soon as June. Wherever he goes, it’s likely to be a small town, and as I’m a civil engineer who works for a municipality, it’s highly unlikely that I’m going to be able to continue on in the career I have now. I need to find something that’ll be easily-movable, since we’ll probably be moving every 6 years or so.
So I’m thinking of going back to school and getting a 2-year degree in the medical field – like a radiology tech or something like that. Every town has to have a hospital or dentist’s office, and besides, with jobs like that, I could work part-time when I eventually start having children. I don’t think my mom’s too happy about it though – she pointed out that I’m still paying off the student loan from the two degrees I have now, and oh, what a waste of an education.
We’ll see though. No use in worrying about it until I know where we’ll end up and what my job prospects are. But it is in the back of my mind.
Post # 12
I am really hoping my FI gets the next promotion (the highest he would be able to go in his company) so that I can work part time to raise kids. I love my job as a high school teacher, but it is hard to imagine working this job all day and coming home to a baby!
Post # 13
I voted I WISH …
But maybe that’s not quite right. FI and I met while I was in grad school and he took some of the focus off of that stress for me. I may eventually go back to school for something different, and he does give me emotional support to do what I want in life. Sometimes, though, this comes off as disapproval of the job I’m doing now (currently working below my education & talent level).
I don’t think it’s antiprogressive to want to be a mom. Especially with job sharing opportunities or just having had work experience at one point vs. a woman who has no choice but to stay home with the kids, you will be very valuable for your family.
Post # 14
I feel like you just put into words how I have been feeling for the past year. Dh is very supportive for me to pursue what I am passionate about. We both currently work in high stress jobs with long hours in the finance industry. Similar to FutureMrsMorgan, DH LOVES his job and I would like to slow down and stop stressing out so much.
I, personally with no judgment of others, feel like I’m "giving up" and lots of guilt. I grew up very independent and always wanted to be that career woman breaking glass ceilings left and right. After marriage, I guess I see there’s more to life than just working. I want to have a social life, I want to be home to make dinner. I don’t want the world to view me as just another dumb woman who can’t cut it in the finance field.
I even took a leave of absense to pursue some hobbies that didn’t pan out. When Mrs. Bee posted an entry looking for an intern, I thought I would be the perfect fit, but I was too scared to make the jump.
I guess I’m scared I would disappoint my uber-liberal self by wanting to take on such a traditional role. No advice here. Just some empathy….
Post # 15
This is such a great post. It’s been great to hear about other’s situations.
My husband is an attorney. I am a student. I did a 5-year program to get bachelors and masters degrees. At the end of my fourth year, I considered just taking my bachelors and running, even though I’d already put a considerable amount of work into graduate classes. I knew a masters would allow me to get a job with higher pay, but now that husband could support me, I didn’t financially need that. Also, I had no debt for my four years. I decided to stick it out and am finishing now, but with tons of debt from this year and nothing more than a well-paying internship to show for it. Also, I feel like I’m just biding my time until we have kids because both husband and I want me to stay home with th kids. It’s always been what I wanted to do. But I had to plan for my own future before I met husband hence all the now seemingly wasted schooling.
Oh well, if nothing less, I can work until we do have kids (hopefully not for at least 2 years) so we can pay off more of our student loans and find a house. That way when the kiddos do come, we’ll be more secure. Still frustrating though.