- 9 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
So my FI and I went to get our marriage license this weekend. The title I posted makes this sound horrible, but this isn’t a, “Let’s not get married afterall,” story. I just had a mild panic attack about what to put on that dreaded line “Surname after Marriage.”
So it was really busy and I felt rushed. I had wanted to ask the clerk some technical questions about name usage, but with a line piling up out the door I quickly scrawled down my fiance’s name in a fit of panic about not being able to see him in the hospital if he was hurt and we had different names. Completely silly.
The clerk, not picking up yet on my oncoming hysteria about identity crises (I have been struggling with this for the entire engagement), quickly took the paper and started typing up the official document. I kind of made a feeble attempt to slow her down, but was mostly just about to cry so didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to make a scene!
My fiance, at this point very flabergasted with me because we had “decided” that I would not change my name, started asking me what the heck I was doing. So he piped up and asked the clerk to hold on for one second about the name change. We had a tense, whispered conversation about the whole thing. He comes from a culture that does not have women or men changing their names at marriage, so he didn’t understand why I was on the verge of tears about this.
The clerk felt sorry for me and told me she has magical white out that she is allowed to use if I want to change what it says on the license before the big day. So for right now my license says “same” on that damned line.
The ridiculous thing about this entire fiasco is that my FI and I are both very content with the choice for me to have my name and he has his. I want to go by his name socially, and my name legally. The things I worry about are related to people not knowing I am the mother of my hypothetical children when I enroll them in school or take them to the doctor. I worry about my family and friends judging me.
We were just not going to tell anyone, but at my bachelorette party the girls all toasted me “Mrs. FI’sname,” and my best friend, who is the only one I had told that I wasn’t going to change, blurted that I was not “Mrs FI’sname” but would remain me. There was this awkward silence and I can’t say that I have ever felt more judged, and more awful in my life.
Sorry for the book, I guess I just needed to vent. Does anyone have any advice on how to better deal with this??