Post # 1
So several people today who are getting married on this forum as well as someone I know who posted something on Facebook who is getting married also have said the following:
“Marriage is not a guarantee of a lasting relationship and is just a legal document. You can just as easily break up with someone whether you are married or not. Love and personal devotion is what actually makes a lasting relationship.”
Which I totally agree with by the way, and which is the reason why marriage is not important to me. And like I’ve said before. I’m only getting married because it’s important to FI.
But to others who agree with this statement also who are getting married, but not just because it’s important to their FI, then what reason are you getting married if marriage itself doesn’t mean commitment to you?
I’m not here to debate what the purpose of marriage is, but what is your personal reason for getting married if it’s not for the reason of commitment and relationship security?
(Interesting Side Note: This girl I know on Facebook who is getting married. She herself is wanting to get married… so badly, that now there is a rumor that even though she got engaged months after I did, she purposely made her wedding date before mine because she’s jealous I’m getting married, yet she posts something about how marriage doesn’t guarantee anything….Just doesn’t make sense to me.)
Post # 3
@raziel1687: Well, for our family, that legal document meant health care, life insurance, increased pay, additional job options, the financial ability to generally take care of ourselves. But, we’re military.
Post # 4
@raziel1687: I agree with that statement for the most part – but marriage was still really important to me. Of course it doesnt guarantee anything. If something happened that turned our relationship into a horribly unhappy or unfaithful one, then most likely the marriage would not last. A document does not prevent this – your devotion to each other and keeping your love alive prevents that.
However, just cuz marriage doesnt guarantee a lasting relationship, doesnt make it irrelevant. It is still the strongest symbol of commitment we currently have. It is still a promise to try as hard as you can. It also gives you legal rights to your partner. God forbid they get in an accident in a hospital or something like that, it allows you to help them immediately. It allows you to be legally recognized as a unit, which can make a difference in many day to day matters, such as shared benefits, health insurance, etc. All in all though, i think it is really just a synbol of making a vow and a formal commitment that is important to people.
Sure you make commitments to people while you are dating – but i believe a marriage commitment resonates much deeper with many people and takes your relationship to that next level symbolically.
Post # 5
The institution of marriage is important to me so we differ there, but the “big wedding” is not, so I thought I’d post on our reasons.
For us, it all came down to family. There was an expectation there from our parents that we would have the traditional wedding, but that wasn’t the impetus behind our decision. At the end of the day we got married because we couldn’t turn down the chance to spend time with our extended family. We see them so rarely. They are all scattered across the county. These days a wedding is the only thing that brings everyone together in the same place at the same time!
Post # 6
There are no guarantee’s in life in anything. Why take risks, why learn how to drive, why fall in love, why buy a house, why rent, why have a relationship, why get married or have kids. You could ask all kinds of whys. People have their reasons why they want to get married, whether for love, for life, for financial. Why question people on their relationships?
I got married because I love my husband and we wanted to be married and have a family. We have both now. Sure we could have remained together without marriage, but marriage is important to both of us.
Post # 8
I do agree with that, but I wouldn’t be doing it if I thought we were likely going to break up. But no one can predict the future. Legal marriage has practical benefits and the ceremonial/celebratory aspect has an emotional appeal to me, so that’s why I still want to get married.
Post # 9
That statement can me different things to different people. To me, that underlining message is: “relationships, especially marriage, take lots of work and devotion, marriage is not a guarantee of a relationship”.
Obviously when you see that statement it means “marriage means nothing but a piece of paper”
Post # 10
For me it is a lifelong commitment, not just a piece of paper. It is a legal representation of the commitment we have to one another. A way to show the world how much we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. And it is not just as easy to get out of a marriage as a normal relationship.
Post # 11
@raziel1687: Well, it’s much harder to “break up with someone” if you have that pesky legal document. Divorces are mountains of paperwork and legality. So with that being said, why even get married?
In my humble opinion, it’s because it is a public proclamation that is binding (legally, emotionally, etc). True, it’s sad that we live in a culture where it’s easier to walk away from problems than do the hard work of fixing issues — but it’s still generally more binding than any other romantic relationship. It’s not just a piece of paper, it’s declaring before a group of witnesses (ideally your closest friends and family) that THIS is the person you will love, honor, and cherish. Even the most committed relationship doesn’t really have a public way of professing that — and if it does (“commitment ceremony”?) it looks ironically similar to a wedding: often rings and everything.
Marriage isn’t a guarantee of anything, but it remains a stronger guarantee than any other emotional commitment.
Post # 12
My husband and I got married because he was in the military when we met. No, I did not use him for his benefits. However, he made a valid argument when he proposed very early on in our relationship. He would be getting paid a monthly stipend on top of his salary if we were to tie the knot. That could be money we set aside for the costly Honolulu-New York trips so that we could then see each other more often, and then I could easily move to be with him once I was done with my degree. It would have made our relationship much easier on our budgets, and it did.
He proposed to me a week after we met. It was actually his pragmatic point that won me over, more so than his heartfelt speech about how it was the only way we could truly be together and how he knew I was the one.
Post # 13
Since it’s a legal document, it grants you certain rights otherwise denied to couples who aren’t married. Just look at same-sex couples that can’t legally be married and who have problems with insurance, taxes, making healthcare decisions for their partner, etc.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t count on her picking her wedding date based on yours.
You can’t as easily leave a marriage as you would someone you are dating. There is a lot more paperwork.
Yes, I think what makes a marriage work in the long run is mutual respect, devotion, communication. I do think a lot of people get married these days without those things. Many just want to enjoy the excitement of a fancy party, and that may be why the divorce rate is so high.
I wanted to get married for the ritual of committment and expression of love between my husband and I. (We eloped). Also, there are some legal benefits and protections that come with us being married.
Post # 15
@Benni: @iloverocks: EXACTLY. Marriage, kids, owning a house together won’t prevent someone from leaving if they really want to, but legal ties might pull someone back from making a sudden, rash decision about their relationship. If someone has to go through the financial, logistical and emotional fallout of divorce, they might be more inclined to work out fixable problems.
Of course, that emotional, logistical and financial fallout is why you should choose your partner very carefully in the first place.
Post # 16
@raziel1687: My biggest reason is the legal aspect; married couples in England have more rights than non-married couples, and while it is possible to have legal documents drawn up that gives more protection (eg obviously we could see a solicitor and have wills drawn up; we can also become legal next of kin), this is actually more costly than getting married in a simple ceremony at a registry office.
However, I do also like the romance of the wedding day itself, and also marriage; I BELIEVE that our relationship will last, and I like the idea of celebrating that commitment with a big party with all our loved ones. I believe we will treasure those memories for years to come.
Ultimately though were it not also for the legal implications I don’t know if we would have married; or at least, not at this stage, maybe in a few years time. I do also agree that it is a piece of paper in many ways; and I think that nowadays, it doesn’t show commitment as it might have done a few years ago, because divorces are relatively easy to get; I personally seeing buying a property together, or having children together, as much bigger commitments than marriage.