Marriage or career?

posted 3 years ago in Career
  • poll: What would you focus on first?
    My career : (54 votes)
    46 %
    Marriage : (64 votes)
    54 %
  • Post # 3
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My family comes waaayyy before any career ever could. I went to college just because it’s the normal thing to do, but I’d rather get married and have tons of babies instead lol I’m getting my masters in Speech Language Pathology, which I like, but I do it for my family, to pay the bills have nice things, etc I’m not doing it for the career itself. I think the high divorce rate is caused by people not putting as much effort into their marriage as they do their careers or other things. 

    Post # 4
    4540 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

    I’m mostly the same way. Sure, I’d like to be a teacher, but if I could pick between working and having a baby (with no financial issues), I’d pick the baby. 

    Post # 5
    3618 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @skinnypinkmartini:  No, I am traditional and so is my husband. I grew up dreaming of being a wonderful wife and mother. My husband grew up dreaming of getting married young and being a great provider. However, I don’t want children now so I will be focusing on school. People think I am nuts and nobody quite understands my husband ( a man who wants to be married, what?!). 

    Post # 6
    1059 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I wouldn’t be comfortable having a family to take care of untill I could take care of myself. I got my degree, a good job, and a house before I ever considered marriage. But thats my personal view. I like to be self sufficient.

    Post # 7
    321 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    For me personally, Ive never really wanted both that badly. I mean, the career would be nice, but thats only because we all need money to survive..and the more we have, the better.

    As for marriage, again it would be nice, but I dont think its the be-all end-all for everyone. But if pressed I would say that you be settled in the career first before you have marriage, cuz if youre set financially then that adds stability to your marriage.

    Post # 8
    804 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I find it a little strange – but if your fiance is on board and he earns enough to support your family than more power to you.  I would worry about being widowed or my husband leaving me/being out of work for an extensive period of time.  I would want to be able to provide for my children – which could include building up a nest egg before I have kids/while I try to conceive.  I definitely think that being a stay at home parent is a (more than) full time job.  I don’t understand being a stay at home wife, even if I was that wealthy I would want to contribute somehow (even just volunteering or something).

    In regards to the article, I find it unnecessarily polarizing, and I’m not quite sure the author knows how to do math.

    Post # 9
    967 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Career. Once you have an education and a career, no one can take that away from you. Well, in the sense that you might lose your job, sure, but you will still have the education and experience to use. If all you have is a marriage, you are indeed living precariously. Marriage, and the support that comes along with it, can disappear in the wink of an eye. 

    Of course, why not have both? That’s what I’m doing. I love being married and am intrigued by the thought of starting a family. But if that ever falls through, at least I can survive on my own, and comfortably.

    Post # 10
    1021 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @skinnypinkmartini:  it’s important for women to have careers so we don’t become dependant on our husbands.  if something were to go wrong, you will have a plan B.  

    Once you choose not to have a career, it will be very hard to start one.  

    Post # 11
    1891 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I have always wanted both. If I had to pick the order, I would have picked career first. Ironically, that is not how it happened. I am working on finishing school… Either way, I need to have something to fall back on. The ability to have an education and career means that no matter what happens with the relationship, I can remain self-sufficient. It also means that two incomes could do more than just one, even if one was huge, two is still better than one. That s not to say that my family would not be my number one priority. I think that it is odd when people expect their employees to put career above all else. A job is a job, it is important in a number of ways, but not more than family. 

    Post # 12
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I was a preschool teacher before getting pregnant and quitting my job!

    Family has always been my number one priority! So I got a degree and found a career that worked with my values–And after my kids are all in school, I can go back to a career that is SUPER flexible with hours!

    Post # 13
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @MechEBee:  +1.

    Not to mention, I feel like the act of pursuing a career throughout your young adult life winds up shaping the person you become. It seems like that is in large part why the divorce rate is so much higher for people who get married between 20 and 25.

    Also, I would take any advice from Penelope Trunk with a very large grain of salt. She will write anything she thinks will get pageviews and she is just generally kind of unhinged.

    Post # 14
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    @skinnypinkmartini:  I technically already live a marriage with my FI. We live together and are happy in our relationship. Married or not, I will not let my career ruin my relationship ! I seek to find balance in my life, where I can be happily ”in love” (no matter the legal status, married or common-law) and happily working. I’d rather not choose one over the other. Both can bring me happiness. 🙂


    Post # 15
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Marriage and family, my career is simply a way to make money to afford having a nice life and great experiences.

    Post # 16
    6789 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    It’s kind of a loaded question for me. Once I graduate I’ll have so much debt that I’m pretty sure I won’t have the luxury of choice. Although, I didn’t pursue a PhD for nothing, so there’s that, too. So, I happily will “choose” married with a career. And that article makes me a bit sad because I won’t be able to even think about TTC until I’m 32. 

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