Post # 1
Hey Bees! So I need you opinions on a situation that just occured.
Background: My SO and I have been together for 4 years and 8 months. I’am 25 and he is 24 years old. Iam still waiting on a ring and he is currently buying his first home. We have talked abot engagemt and marriage and he told me that he is not going to propose until after he gets his house ( I was totally fine with this) but recently as of last night we had a discussion of combining our finacnes and getting married before he buys his house because if he does get his house by himself, he will not have enough to get a bigger house (plus the house will be just okay) and will need roomates or He would buy the house by himself and then just get married after and have roomates. The reason for the roomates is because if we were to do any of these options by oursleves we would be tight with cash ( pay check to pay check pretty much) and he is very firm against living like that and we would be saving alot with the roomates. Iam not in any way comfortable with being married and having roomates, I feel that when a couple gets married that should have privacy and adding more people could add alot of stress on us considering there is alot that goes into it. He would not need roomates in 3 to 4 years becuase, that is when I’am done with my Bachelors and will get a more stable job plus more income. So my question is should I just go through with it and try to come to terms with it or just wait for a few years and hold off on getting married right now?
Post # 3
@LoveBlossom14: I see no problem with it. Why not have roommates? Sounds like fun to me, if they were people I already knew. I would love if DH and I could live with friends, mine or his, doesn’t matter. My dream home would be a big house with a big kitchen and many friends we know all living in it together.
As long as we have our private space (our bedroom) I don’t get why there’d be any issue.
However it doesn’t sound like something either of you want, so I’m not sure why it’s even on the table. If you think you can put up with it long enough to alleviate your financial problems, it might be worth it, but if you’re BOTH going to be miserable, is it really worth the money it saves?
Post # 4
I would never be married and consider having roommates…would not fly with me or FI. Having said that, I am a little older than you (31), and my days of having roommates were over and done long ago. I’d rather be tight for cash (which is often just a temporary thing in life) and still have own privacy.
Post # 5
Why not consider a less expensive option like a townhome or a condo? Or just wait and rent together so you can enjoy private married life until your finances are able to allow you to get a home for just the two of you?
Post # 6
@LoveBlossom14: If you’re already having reservations about being married with roommates, then I wouldn’t ignore these feelings. Even though it may be fun to have roommates at times, you do lose a bit of freedom and privacy when there are other people in the house. As you mentioned, why not wait a little bit for marriage until you’re done with school so as a double income unit, you and he could afford living without roommates?
Post # 7
@LoveBlossom14: If he cannot comfortably afford the mortgage on his own (which it should be less than 33% of his income) then he shouldn’t purchase a home. It’s not financially savvy to buy something one can’t afford. It’s one thing to have roommates to help with costs, but it sounds like he will depend on that help.
I would suggest buying a cheaper place or continuing to rent. As far as marriage, that is something you two will have to decide on when to do. Personally, I didn’t want roomates after the wedding. We had roommates for 4 years while dating and that was ok, but not after marriage.
Post # 8
@LoveBlossom14: Do you read A Practical Wedding at all? One of the contributing editors (Maddie) has been married for years and she and her husband had had a roommate the entire time. Check out what she says–I think it might be helpful.
Post # 9
I hated having roommates, so I guess I’m biased, but why not rent while you two can save up some more money? I don’t like the idea of living with roommates OR living somewhere that causes me to be financially strapped. There are other options!
Post # 10
@allyouneedislove: I would not mind a condo or a townhouse but he really does not see the benefit in them because the money that we would put towards it would not appreciate more then a house would and the fact that house rates right now are really low.
Post # 11
@LoveBlossom14: DH and I once lived with my sister for 6 months (the lease was for 1 year, but we had to cut it short)… We almost broke up (well we did, for 5 days!).
We weren’t even married back then and it was still super hard; we were used to living with one another (which was hard enough at times), but not living with another person on top of that.
You are right, newlyweds (couples, period.) need their privacy.
Have you two lived together before?
I can’t imagine how much of a challenge it would be to have roomates + learning to live with one another as a couple…
Post # 12
Post # 13
@Olive12: Yeah igmoring these feelings would not benefit either of us and that option seems to be the best one at the present moment. Im all for him having roomates well we are dating.
@Bebealways: Your right,we both do not want them but he is all about saving money and living comfortably. So he would rather live misareably for a few years, to him it is worth it in the long run.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t buy a house if you need roommates to afford it – if the situation changes and the roommates have to move, what happens then? Renting with roommates is different. If situations change and you can’t afford it, you can move. But I really think you should be able to swing a mortgage payment between just the two of you. I’d rent for a few years – whether that means getting married now or later (I don’t really get how marriage is tied to home ownership, but that’s just me), being financially responsible is more important.
It wouldn’t bother me much in general to have roommates – DH and I may actually have a roommate soon (if we move to San Fransisco – rent is just so freaking expensive there), but the finances aspect would worry me.
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Having roommates while dating and then living together was hard enough. We finally got our own place together and I cannot imagine ever living with roommates again in the future. I certainly wouldn’t want to live with roommates once married because the first few years of marriage are stressful enough without roommates (and roommates are horribly stressful on a relationship.)
Post # 16
I own a house with my FI. We are getting married in May. And we have a roommate.
She’s my MOH, and I’ve lived with her since 2010.
We can afford the house on our own, but having a little extra rent money is really REALLY nice. We haven’t had any issues with it.