(Closed) Marriage Regret.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I do a lot of my thinking at 4am too, it’s the worse kind of thinking.

If you aren’t happy, maybe take a break? Go spend a week somewhere (: without him.

Post # 5
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@littlefe:  Well he should of decided the long distance thing before he

a) joined the army

or

b) married you.

How long have you been unhappy for?

Post # 8
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh honey, I’m so sorry…what a dreadful holiday, really.

Love and marriage are complicated enough without the additional stress of being apart, being in a new environment, starting a new career and finally realizing that as lovely as a wedding can be, at the end of the ceremony is a long road for the both of you.

It isn’t easy, in fact being married and staying married is a terribly difficult task.  You will hurt each other more than anyone else ever could, and that first tumble off your respective pedestals is a doozy.  But, it’s bound to happen, no one is perfect and we are all flawed and fallible creatures, but we have such nobility and love inside of us and to me, it’s all part of the experience.

There’s just one question that needs to be answered, do you still love this man?  If not, move on.  If yes, get back in the ring and fight for it, marriage is a choice you make every day, sometimes it’s easy as a Sunday morning and sometimes it’s a horror show of insecurity, character flaws and defense mechanisms.  But that all goes away if you give yourself a way out, and if it’s over, it’s over, but if it isn’t, don’t give up because it’s hard, nothing worth having comes easy.

Either way, listen to your heart, it knows what it wants, and remember that we’re all a work in progress.

Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@littlefe:  There is no such thing as The One.  Thinking there is The One causes people to stay in bad relationships and feel like they’ve done something wrong when relationships don’t work out.  “How could we be breaking up!? He’s The One!”

You really just have to decide on your tolerance level.  If these mistakes were made when you were just dating, would you leave?  If so, get into counseling with both of you ASAP.  Get rid of the distance for now.  Do everything you can to save the relationship.  In the long run he will have to learn that distance isn’t an excuse, but focus on baby steps.

Post # 11
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You say you don’t think he can handle the distance. Has he done something recently to really hurt you, since you’ve been LD before? My husband is active duty in the Marine Corps, so I know what it’s like to have him gone for months at a time. 

Is part of the issue that you two aren’t communicating as much/he isn’t able to? 

Post # 12
Member
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@littlefe:  The whole, I love you but I’m not in love with you argument is a witch hunt with no real end…I would avoid those cliche topics and stick with the issues.  You love this man, he loves you and you are married to each other.  You feel disrespected and lied to, he’s obviously dealing with some issues too, I would hustle into marriage counseling and nip this communication breakdown in the bud.

Post # 14
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsBroccoli:  +1! THE ONE. THE DRESS. SO much pressure for things to be perfect in love and marriages and weddings…  blah  blah fucking blah blah. I love FI more than anything. We have awesome chemistry, and have had since the moment we met. It honestly was like nothing else I’d ever felt. But it’s also a choice and hard work to maintain a relationship. It’s not magic, and it’s not a fairy tale. I think that’s important to recognize. Relationships are hard, and when really great one fall on hard times it devastates us. But we need to stay grounded and realistic… and seek help when  one or both of us needs it.

Post # 16
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you should take a little time to think about things, so you can make sure you really don’t want to be with him rather than having a kneejerk reaction to one incident. If you really genuinely feel like it was a mistake to marry him and you want out, get started on a divorce. It may sound harsh, but you’re only 3 months in and it’s only going to get harder to separate things as more time passes. One thing I learned from my marriage is that the only thing worse than making a mistake is realizing that it’s a mistake and going ahead with it anyway.

Post # 17
Member
8884 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you were married Nov 3, then you’ve only been married for almost 2 months. 

Anyways, was he like this 2 months ago? It seems like such a short time for someone to change drastically. Did you have doubts? If you love him and want to make it work, talk to him. Get all your feelings out in the open and do what it takes to make it work.

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