Post # 1
theres an age gap of 7 years between my Fiance and I, im 22 and hes 29, and for the last year he has made it pretty clear that he wants to have children. i also want children, but i wanted to have kids after im married. my parents werent ever married and soon after i was born they split up and i dont want that for my children, i know i cant control what happens in the future, but by being married before i have children feels like im starting wth a strong, firm, foundation to bring children into.
my Fiance doesnt see this and he says he would love to have a child now.
i have some quite old fashioned views on things and i wouldnt want this because there no doubt we would be having more than one child, so the first would be out of wedlock, and any following children wouldnt be which i dont like the idea of.
also, the practical side of things on the wedding day, i can imagine it being hectic enough, without constantly thinging and worrying about where my child is and who is looking after them, aswell as the honeymoon?
what do you guys think about this, is it me just being selfish or can you kind of see my point?
Post # 3
My fiance & I didn’t plan our little bundle, but he is the best thing in our little world. But I completely agree with you. Wait. And my fiance would completely agree with yours. I don’t think that men understand what a marriage means to a woman. But definately wait if you can. I hate that I don’t have the same last name as my son. We’re getting married on the beach in July… all I can imagine is my son thinking “big bath” and trying to run in as we are saying our vows. But, it would be a good story to make it memorable right? lol Good luck to you.
Post # 4
Definitely NOT selfish! First of all, you’re only 22 – it’s not like if you don’t have kids now, you’re risking your fertility. You’re still young and it’s fair enough if you want some time to still live your life before bringing a child into it. Also, your Fiance is only 29 – it’s not like he’s 58 and his sperm quality is diminishing with each passing day.
Secondly, there is nothing wrong with sticking to your convictions and wanting to wait until after marriage before you have children. Getting married first is important to you, and the fact that you want to build up a solid relationship foundation before bringing children into your family makes it more likely that your marriage will succeed. Not to say this can’t happen with people who have kids before marriage, because of course it can, but if you feel that you want that permanence of marriage before having kids, don’t let your Fiance talk you out of it.
Your Fiance definitely shouldn’t be pressuring you into having kids – sit down with him, list out the reasons you want to wait until after marriage, and discuss why that is important to you. Ultimately, it’s your body and your choice – if you don’t want kids yet, get yourself on birth control until you are good and ready to start a family.
Post # 5
hes not pressurising me – i have the implant in and i have another 2 years left on it yet and its not coming out til i feel good and ready, and most importantly secure enough in myself for it to come out!
i just wondered what other people thought on the subject, i know theres plenty or parents who arent married and are perfectly happy with there family etc but for me, it is important to be married before children.
luckymomma87 – you so have to let me know if your son does do that!
Post # 6
ps – we are date twins! although our wedding day is 2014, but still! ha
Post # 7
I agree with you– what’s the rush, and if you aren’t ready to make the committment to get married, why would you be ready to make the BIGGER committment to have kids? This is NOT to say it can’t work the other way and obviously plenty of people have done it and been fine, but I just don’t see why in your situation you would. Like others said, it’s not like you are in a rush biologically speaking, and it will be a lot harder to plan a wedding with a kid.
Post # 8
While having a child out of wedlock is certainly not anything to be ashamed of, I would not plan it that way on purpose.