- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
For starters my husband and I will be celebrating our 1 year anniversary a week from today. Let me just say it’s been hard. Between the nightmare of the wedding planning mostly because of his family and not helping around the house. During the planning of the wedding I was starting to have several doubts. His family were horrible during the planning. I feel like they took my big moment with my mom away. because I am her only daughter. My MIL complained she wasn’t included in the planning and we tried several time to include her but the first couple of months she wouldn’t return our phone call and it came down to my fiance telling her something which led to several arguments between them and stress on my fiance and I. I was severely depressed. It didn’t stop after the wedding. It came down to me and her getting to an argument over a situation and it led to her telling me how she really felt about me. She said I was a manipulated person, immature, childish and she said she felt sorry for her son when my true colors come out. She said things that you can’t take back. I wasn’t completely innocent in the matter but I have never called her names. I always apologize to her to keep the peace but this last time I didn’t talk to her for several months and I just recently apologized to her thinking that my now husband and I would have some weight off our shoulders. During that time I refused to be near his family. I am sure that was tough on him. The only reason why I give a dam about this woman is because that is my husband’s mom and I knew that someday I would have to face her again. I am so depressed about all this. I really feel that all this shouldn’t have happened and shouldn’t be happening.
As far as me and my husband now, there are other things that have been a struggle besides what I listed above. We had trouble before getting married. He came from a very abusive family. That scares me! He has NEVER put me in a situation where I think he would hurt me. NEVER! His parents don’t even sleep in the same room. They barely say a word to each other. When my husband was a child, his father would make my husband and his brother fight until they bleed and if they stopped they would get whipped. The things he has seen and been through as a child… no child should have gone through. I see his family in him now more than ever. I really dont feel he considers my feelings and mostly thinks about his all the time. I really don’t know what to do. Sometimes I am afraid to tell him how I feel because he will turn it around and make me look like the bad guy. He works crazy hours and so do I. I know he is tired and so am I but we don’t cuddle or just talk about stuff. Most of the time I feel like he irritates me because sometimes his way of joking with me is inappropriate and his comment to that would be I can never just joke with you.. I feel like I have to have it together 24/7 and I can’t. I have to be the bigger person. I can’t say something back to him when I feel like his comment to me is unnecessary. He makes me lose my focus, I begin to stutter and lose my words. He often has anger outburst and has to hit things.. like the wall.. or kick the door. I don’t like that and I told him he has to change this behavior and he is working on it. I don’t know I have so many feelings right now. I feel alone and I feel like I can’t express them to my husband. I don’t know what else to do. I asked if we can go talk to someone and he said he doesn’t want someone else tell us how to handle our problems. I feel we mostly have communication issues. I feel myself ignoring him and when I come home and he is already home, I immediately get irriated. like I don’t want to be around him because in my mind I am thinking he didn’t do anything around the house and I feel myself becoming bitter. The job that I am working at is hard labor. I am exhausted all the time. And we just got a puppy that is quite a handful. I think that all plays a factor too. I am just really depressed with myself and my marriage. I do not know how to handle anything. I’ve seeked god in the process and I feel that he is helping but I am having a hard time trusting him fully. I just don’t feel like things will be ok by just seeking the lord.
I guess I am just looking for some comfort or if anyone who has ever went through a similar situation. Please no harsh comments. If you don’t have anything nice to say, please don’t say anything at all. Thanks for reading! 🙂