Post # 1
so i need some advice. so my fiance and i got engaged in january while we were on a cruise. i had no idea that it was coming and i was in total shock because my grandmother had passed away two weeks earlier and i didnt think anything of it. i always thought of having a big wedding with friends/family, bridal shower and bachelorette party because im very close to my family.
well i knew that my grandfather was sick and it would have meant the world for him to be their. so imstead of waiting to have a big wedding, we decided to have a small civil ceremony with just immediate friends and family so he could be their. some people were mad, some were happy for us because they couldnt be their on our special day but they understood. we told them we were doing this for grandfather and that we were planning to have a big wedding the following year. so the day my fiance and i got married was a great, however my grandfather was very sick that he was unable to attend. he was their in spirit tho. sadly the next day he passed away and it was the worst day of my life.
so now im stuck because i want my big dream wedding, but people already know were married. i want the big party and celebration, with the shower and bachelorette party, but im already married. i feel like if i do have those things, people will think i just want gifts and that im silly because im already married. maybe i did make a mistake, but them again its my life and its only their opinion. we’ve told pretty much everyone but people tell me that i rushed it and i should have waited or that im just doing it to get gifts. i may have rushed it, but it was important that my grandfather be there and he wasnt. how do i ignore peoples comments and should i have the dream wedding reception i want?
Post # 3
I’m very sorry about your grandfather.
As for the wedding, I did a small private ceremony and am having a big reception, so obviously, I don’t have a problem with it! Several other Bees are too, though–and it can be common, especially for things like elopements and/or courthouse weddings. I had a lot of the same reservations as you do, but at the end of the day, I think my friends adn family understood that I’m not a public person when it comes to personal ritual.
You can also restage some of your vows if you like, wear your dress again, and/or say part of your vows when you toast guests (if you toast them) to make it a little more “weddingish.”
As far as the gifts thing goes, if it concerns you, then do a smaller registry and don’t put it on your invite, STDs, shower invite, website–don’t advertise it. Just inform your parents and close friends and those who want to give you a gift will seek it out.
Post # 4
Do whatever you want, and don’t listen to what other people say about gift-grabbing and whatnot. Plenty of people do the big reception after the small wedding, and I absolutely agree that you should wear the dress if you want, and even have another ceremony if you want. I think that others may find having the shower and the bachelorette party to be a little stranger than having the big wedding, but if someone is willing to throw them, then so be it.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry about your grandfather.
I agree w/ pp who say to have a big party! Plenty of people do that. I also agree w/ Jenny as far as the gifts & such. I don’t feel it’s “gift-grabbing” to want a big celebration. It’s your marriage, you should celebrate it!!
However, I think the shower & bachelorette party boats have sailed, IMO. I wouldn’t be too keen on attending either of those things knowing the couple were already married.
Post # 6
Just do it. No matter what a given couple’s wedding planning circumstances are, there’s going to be at least one point along the way when you get criticism from somebody for the decisions you make. So just have the wedding and anyone who doesn’t like it can go screw themselves. If anyone is rude about it, just smile and say “Sorry you feel that way, but we’re excited for our upcoming wedding with all our family and friends.” And ignore them.
Post # 7
You can totally do this–screw the naysayers! We’re not doing a whole ceremony next year, but we are having a big reception in addition to our small courthouse wedding and reception this year. I personally would not do another shower or anything like that, but a vow renewal is totally fine.
Post # 8
I don’t see any problem with having a reception now. I might not push for the shower/bachelorette party… Why didn’t somebody throw one between your engagement and your first wedding?
Post # 9
thank you for the advice. i feel that the shower/bachelorette party is a little weird because we are already married. so i will just focus on the reception part of it. i want to wear my dress, and dance to the first dance and everything. so your right screw them if they dont understand!! its my day!
Post # 10
i had a small bridal shower before my wedding, but not a bachelorette party. i guess having my friends and family present is most important but when it comes down to it, its about me and my husband.
i wanted a big bridal shower/bachelorette party but if i do it now, itd be tacky. i had that feeling, but im glad that others can relate and feel the same way.
i just need to be happy and focus on the wedding reception. its hard when im grieving my grandfather and trying to plan and everything. but he’s in my thoughts daily. thank you guys for all of your advice!
Post # 11
I say if you want a big wedding, then let noone stop you from having one. If it’s important to you, then that’s what matters. My husband and I had a courthouse wedding with noone there, it was just us, and now we’re planning our bigger ceremony (Janurary 29th, i’m so execited!). i have told people that we are NOT expecting gifts, however. i did not ask my parents for a dime. my parents did pay for half my wedding dress but that was ONLY b/c they paid for half of it while i was still in the dressing room, and couldn’t stop them (i never asked them for a penny) but anyway, if a wedding is important to you and will make you happy, then ignore what anyone else may say about it and let them know that if they don’t like it, then they’re not invited. good luck, girl!