(Closed) Married bees: are you still friends with all your bridesmaids?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you. She obviously was never really a friend to you. I know it is painful, but you are better off without a frenemy. If she had ever been a friend to you, she would have just stopped communicating without the nasty email.

I am still friends with my bridesmaids, but I only had 2. One was my sister, she can never escape me no matter what. The other is my best friend that I have known for more than 10 years. But we live in different states so we are always just happy to see each other. So maybe my odds are pretty good.

Post # 4
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, I’m so sorry. Did you (or could you) ask why? That’s crazy. And, honestly, even though she sounds like she think she did the right thing by “keeping her word”, I think it would’ve been more honorable for her to tell you she wasn’t comfortable standing up for you on your big day. I mean…now you’re left wondering what she was thinking the whole time while you look at your pictures? Crappy.

I’m still friends with all the girls who were in my wedding. Even my DH’s family, who kind of got shafted during the weekend for various reasons, forgave me & we’re all getting along. I can’t imagine being in your position.

Post # 5
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

Oh my…that really sucks!  If she felt so strongly about it, she should have never accepted your invitation to be your BM!  Do you guys have any prior history that might have set off this chain of events?  

My wedding is next spring (wow, time is flying!) so I can’t really answer your question, but two of my BMs are my younger sisters so I would hope I am still talking to them after the wedding, lol.  My Maid/Matron of Honor has been my best friend since middle school and I don’t see that changing, and my other Bridesmaid or Best Man is my Future Sister-In-Law and we are pretty friendly with each other (but not close).

I suggest you add a poll to this thread and see how other Bees answer.  I would also be interested in knowing if many ladies lost their Bridesmaid or Best Man as friends after the wedding.

Post # 6
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow, what an awful person…let alone friend! Is she single or in an unstable relationship? She might be jealous and it probably doesn’t have anything to do with how you acted during planning.


I had 2 BMs and both are my cousins, I love them dearly. 

Post # 7
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have a friend who stopped talking to 3 of her bridesmaids about a month after the wedding.  I think it is probably extremely hard because your wedding just happened – but I am going to guess that most brides down the line lose touch / cut ties with their maids.  I am really sorry that happened to you but im sure you are better off without her anyone who could be so cruel is not someone you should think of a close friend 🙁 

Post # 9
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Haha, yeah, no… my brother! He was the best man in our wedding, stood up on my side. We don’t talk anymore. His wife behaved so innappropriately on our wedding day. It was not the first time and at some point after the wedding we told him we were past the end of our rope with her and were no longer willing to have her call or email us because when she did it could only be described as harassment. She lost it apparently, claimed we were trying to split up her marriage, and made more nasty phone calls and emails. He supported her “right” to do so, so I told them both to stop contacting us.

I get where you’re coming from, OP! He was the last person I expected to fall out with. At the same time, I am glad it is done. I know I am a happier person for not having to deal with that BS anymore. Still… don’t do me any favours, you know.

Post # 10
2 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you. I’ve only been married for three months and already don’t speak to my maid of honor. I’m in the process of trying to work out things with a bridesmaid she had a conflict with, but that relationship looks sketchy at best. I’ve known each lady for at least ten years. This past week, I received a “Dear John” letter from my Maid/Matron of Honor ending our 18 year friendship. She cited my disloyalty and my lack of appreciation of her planning efforts as her primary reasons. She said she felt that by not standing up for her against my other bridesmaid was a stance against her. As it turned out, my MOH harbored so many negative feeligns throughout the planning process, which included how she felt bullied by the other bridemaid, and barely hinted at her concerns before my wedding. We agreed that we would process all the events related to the wedding after I got back from the honeymoon, but she strategically avoided me. Also before the wedding, the “bullying” bridesmaid in question unloaded on me weeks before my bridal shower and told me I had chosen the worst Maid/Matron of Honor ever. I felt triangulated into a conflict between two woman I’d known for a long time and to whom I felt loyal. I tried to maintain a neutral position but that position obviously offended each of them. After the wedding I asked my “bullying” bridesmaid, who complained about my Maid/Matron of Honor, to send me the email communications between the two (which each claimed would document the other’s aggressiveness). I was hard pressed to see any aggression in their communications. The emails seemed appropriately worded and not inflammatory. I even had my husband review them in case I might have missed something and he felt the same way as I. Now I’m reeling from the loss of one long term friendship and the pending loss of another. I keep telling myself that these things happen for a reason, a conclusion which is slowly starting to make sense. I’m just so thankful that I have a supportive husband who is reassuring and kind.

Post # 11
7776 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Some of these stories are heartbreaking 🙁

I stayed close to both of my BMs in the first few years following my wedding. One of them I drifted apart from after that, but that was unrelated to my wedding; I think that was just our lives taking a different course.

Post # 12
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I haven’t had any probs with bridesmaids, but I think we are about to have a problem with the best man. Pretty sure he is just flaking on our Destination Wedding without having together balls to tell Fiance he isn’t coming. And I think he has known all along but still allowed us to spend money on his attire. Even if he comes through at this point, he has caused so much stress that I doubt I will ever want to socialize with him again. He has been FI’s best friend since grade 9.

Post # 13
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I will not be friends with one of my BMs after the wedding. If I could actually cut her out now, I would. I made the bad mistake of asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man just because I have known her for 20+ years. I should have left that friendship where it was.

Post # 14
2414 posts
Buzzing bee



It’s sad, now you have these people in your wedding pictures that make you angry just looking at them.


Awww… that is so sad! I feel your pain!

Something kind of like this happened to me. Darling Husband and I decided to elope because we were under a time crunch. My longtime friend is a notary public and when she found out we were eloping, she insisted up and down that she wanted to perform the ceremony for us.

  I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but by the same token I didn’t want her to do it because she had recently been doing some things that were not-so-nice. She had been making harsh comments here and there, just a lot of little things that added up to a big picture that I did not like. I didn’t want to take any chance that there would be any negative energy at my wedding ceremony. So, I said thanks but no thanks and Darling Husband and I eloped to the courthouse.

Well, you would have thought we had committed the unpardonable sin. I called my friend to tell her we had tied the knot, and she never called me back.

This happened over the Christmas holidays. I called and emailed her at least a half dozen times after that to say hello, ask how she was doing, to say “Merry Christmas,” to tell her I’d love to get together for lunch or dinner, etc. etc.

She literally never called me back or even sent so much as an email to say congratulations. Nothing!

We had been friends for more than twenty years.

I was baffled and saddened and also angry. After many attempts to contact her, I gave up.

I don’t know why she would react that way, but I can tell you I am darned glad now in hindsight that I didn’t include her in any way on my big day.

So the thought that you now have this woman in your wedding photos is heartbreaking. I am so sorry this happened. (((Hugs)))) You are better off without her! Build a new life with your wonderful Darling Husband and find some new friends. One chapter of life is done and another one begins.

Post # 15
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

We are older than most (34 and 40 when we got married), so Our party consisted of people we consider life long friends.  Our best man told us that wedding pictures are a snap shot of a moment in our lives. His party included someone they aren’t in touch with anymore. He said you can’t feel bitter about what happened after the fact when you see those pictures. Remember the day.

Post # 16
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

we havent even married yet and weve lost 2 members of the wedding party. so and i got in the worst fight we had ever had, and so callled his best friend, who was his best man, to telll him about it. the best friend decided then that he couldnt support our marriage, because true love doesnt fight like that., even though hes never been in love. now he regrets his decision and wants to be in the wedding . my falling out was with who i thought was my best friend of 7 years. i already posted about it here, but more or less she stole a 300 dollar item from me, and to repay me gave me my bridesmaid dress that i bought back and 88 dollars. the majority of our wedding party is family though, so i dont foresee any more issues

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