Post # 1
I was wondering if any married bees found themselves disappointed with some of the gifts they received at their wedding. I am completely aware that guests are not obligated to bring a gift to a wedding. With that said, I grew up in an area where guests always brought gifts (cash) and many attempted to cover what they considered was the cost of their plate.
Was anyone completely blindsided with gifts?
Post # 3
Eh – Let me first start off by saying that I don’t really care much about gifts. We can afford the wedding so we don’t have our heart set on “making our money back” or anything like that but I will say this:
I have an aunt that will never give cash (that’s fine, her choice) and she also refuses to buy anything off of registries. So she buys what she picks out for the bride ang groom (again, fine – her choice) but she picks really, really, weird stuff – like spoons with frogs on them. Shit that NOBODY would want.
Not only that….she also pulls aside the bride and groom during the wedding and makes them open her gift in front of her. YES. I’ve seen her do this to two of my cousins and I have no doubt she will pull the same awkward stunt with us.
Post # 4
@skippydarling: That IS super awkward re: your aunt. One of my grandmothers is like that. She will buy random gifts then wonder why we wouldn’t shriek with excitement, lol.
As for the OP – I am having a small wedding reception in November, and while we have no registry, I am curious to see if we’ll get anything. Not expecting gifts, but would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy gifts as added bonus.
Post # 5
@californiabride2013: People tend to use the cover your plate rule where I’m from, but there are always exceptions. As such, I think it is very important to disregard gifts when planning your wedding and make sure you can comfortably afford it without any assistance from guests.
Post # 6
Nobody does the “cover your plate” thing here and I can honestly say that it was the company that I valued at my wedding. Not the potential gift value of the company. I truly don’t know who didn’t give us gifts. We had so many people to the evening do and so many thoughtful (expense being secondary to thoughtfulness in my book) gifts that I couldn’t possible identify who might have turned up empty handed. Presents were coming in for weeks afterwards too. Including many from people who couldn’t attend the wedding.
However, I did not plan any element of my wedding with the expectation that the costs would be covered by anyone other than me and my DH. I did not expect to have it subsidised by gifts.
Post # 7
I don’t follow the cover-your-plate idea,a nd I don’t know anyone IRL who does either. I think if someone choose to give a gift, it’s monetary value should be up to them entirely.
That said, our guests were very generous with both registry gifts, off-registry gifts, and monetary gifts – and I was happy with all of our gifts. (I was blessed in that our off-registry gifts were incredibly thoughtful and perfect for us!) How can getting gifts not make you happy – especially if it’s money or a gift you picked out via registry?
Post # 8
@californiabride2013: almost nobody bought off the registry >.< which is ok since we had to move after the wedding.
The gift expectation is interesting though…the culture I was brought in dictates that you have to bring a gift to the wedding or you’re cheap. Most of my BM’s didn’t give a wedding gift but they gave so many gifts at the bridal shower. My mom was really annoying about how they didn’t give money. We’re all young adults so I get it, some of them are in debt and I’m happy with what they got me.
MIL never gave us a card or gift which is funny because she’s told some people that she gave us money.
Post # 9
I wasn’t blindsided with gifts. But, then again, I didn’t really care about them, I just wanted to people to come party!. If they gave us a gift – super! If not, no big deal!
Post # 10
I planned my wedding as though it were just a big party. I didn’t expect gifts, but I did expect everyone to have a good time, and to eat and drink to their heart’s content. I was extremely pleased with how my wedding was, and I was thrilled that so many of my guests were willing to travel to be there (which I considered their gift to me). I think having a “lower cost” wedding was a factor in making us feel more comfortable about the possibility of not receiving any gifts.
Post # 11
@skippydarling: This happened to me at my bridal shower, actually. I got a lot of…junk. : FI’s grandma was like, “I didn’t know what to get you, so here’s some money.” I was SO confused because she knows where we’re registered. I’m wondering if maybe a lot the people invited just don’t do the registry gifts at shower, monetary at wedding thing? I got some stuff that was obviously just for me, which I found very weird.
Post # 12
I think we wound up with a little bit less in cash gifts than I’d expected, but we both recognized that people had been quite generous and I wouldn’t say we were “disappointed” necessarily. I had looked at our guest list before hand and thought, “Well, if everyone gives X, then we’ll wind up with about X amount.”
There were some surprises, though! A few people were unbelievably generous – to the point where we were just floored. Some friends of my mom’s gave us a very large cash gift, some other friends of hers gave us an incredibly generous gift card to my favorite restaurant, and a few friends and relatives gave us much, much larger cash gifts than we’d expected. I guess it was balanced out by some guests who gave physical gifts (some registry, some off-registry but really awesome and creative) instead of cash and a few who didn’t give gifts at all. In the end, we were thrilled and thankful for what we got and really just happy so many people were there to celebrate!
Post # 13
@californiabride2013: I think the cover your plate idea is total shit. It’s YOUR (your in the generic sense) wedding, it’s not a party where you charge a cover. Personally I think that no one is under any obligation to even bring you a gift, monetary or otherwise. Anything that you do get is a bonus and polite. It’s proper ettiquette IMO to give a bride and groom a gift of some sort, or at the very least a card, to congratulate them and send them off on their new adventure. But covering your plate is just ridiculous.
Post # 14
I was so thankful and excited overall with what we got. We didn’t like break the bank with how much money we got, and we didnt have like a million gifts, so I wasn’t like shocked by what we got. But with each gift I opened I was very thankful that that person put the effort of their gifts, and for many cash gifts I was so surprised at how much some people gave because I knew that was a lot of money for them.
The only disappointing gift was that two people (who were just friends, not even dating or married) gave me a card that they each signed. It just felt so impersonable, like they ran by walmart 5 minutes before the wedding and grabbed a card and both put their name in it to feel like they gave a gift. I definitely didn’t need gifts or money or to be showered in presents. It just kind of surprised me that they didn’t even put a sentimental effort out enough to write something heartfelt in their combined card which seemed weird to be combined. I definitely more effort into sending each of their invites than they put towards their 1 card.