(Closed) Married Bees, is the first year the hardest?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Did things change after you were married?
    Yup, things changed a lot. : (16 votes)
    20 %
    Some small things but not too much. : (23 votes)
    28 %
    I don't think things really changed at all. : (36 votes)
    44 %
    Other, please comment. : (6 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    5547 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    It did for us but we didn’t live together before so it was a huge adjustment for me going from being totally independent living alone to sharing and living around someone else’s quirks. I think things still change some when people get married but not as much when you are already adjusted to living together. 

    Post # 4
    483 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    @LovelyLaura8:  I’m not married but here’s my two cents lol: I think this saying held more weight in a time when people got married and THEN moved in together, that’s a very big adjustment for a couple. Nowadays more people are moving in together before they tie the knot-if they get that far- and so after living together for a while I don’t think that first year as amarried couple is not quite as big of an adjustment. I already know that my fiance farts in his sleep, is tidier that I am, has a PERFECT credit score, and spends ntirely too much time at the computer. No suprizes there!

    That being said, I’m just engaged. 


    Post # 5
    11273 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    well, it’s been a year for us and it’s been wonderful.  we did live together before getting married so i think that is typically the hardest part to get used to.

    some women get a sense of loss of identity when they change their name.  that may contribute to the part of “getting used to”.  i didn’t change my name so i didn’t experience that.

    a year later, things are pretty much the same but i still love seeing that ring on his finger and smile when he calls me his wife.

    Post # 6
    4583 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We lived together for two years before we got married and things really didn’t change at all. I’d say our first year was pretty easy.

    Post # 7
    1846 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Not married yet, but I’m going to throw in my opinion anyways. 

    I think it depends on how much changes after you get married. Fiance and I have a child, we live together, share finances, own a home, have a dog, file our taxes together, etc.. So essentially nothing will change for us, therefore I don’t see how the first year will be the hardest. It’ll be our 8-9th year together, so I don’t see how it’ll all of a sudden become hard just because we re married.

    Post # 8
    3378 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I voted other because I think things really are different when you’ve lived together.  For us, our first year living together was for sure the hardest, but we had been living together for 2.5 years (together for 4.5) by the time we got married.  Our first year of marriage was honestly easier and better than any year before Smile  For us, things did feel different, but in a good way – I think there was just a comfort and security in the fact that we had made that commitment to one another and we were in it forever.  But I do think that the first year can be tough if you didn’t live together before.  There are a lot of adjustments and growing pains that come along with getting to know someone’s quirks and having to adjust your own habits and expectations for home life.

    Post # 10
    8473 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t think anything will change for you at all. 

    I’ll be married 1 year this summer, and it was extremely tough for me to get used to living with someone besides my family.  And I feel like it’s going to be this way for a while considering we are purchasing a house in a few weeks & I think it’ll be even tougher.

    Post # 11
    753 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    It depends. If you’ve never lived together before, I’m sure it is, because you have to get used to the joining of EVERYTHING. I know the 1st year of living with Danny was the hardest. But Danny and I had lived together 3 years before we married, so nothing changed for us at all besides financially (I’m on disability and it got cut DRASTICALLY when we married.) 

    Post # 12
    7312 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    Of course things changed. How can a year pass without some sort of change? Change is natural. The real question is HOW did things change?  We purchased our forever home together and helped Teen LK navigate the transition from middle school to high school. We added a 4 legged family member, dealth with the financial fun that is the marriage tax penalty, bailed out our basement at 3am, and took on a loved one’s serious mental illness, all in the first 18 months of marriage. Those experiences have changed us as individuals and as a couple. The key is that we’ve changed together, and have turned those challenges into experiences that have deepened and further solidified our bond. Our trust in one another is even deeper, our confidence in our relationship is even stronger, and our gratitude for one another is even greater. Marriage changed us. Making those public vows made us even more invested in each other and helped us open ourselves to growing together through challenges. We know that, for better or for worse, we have each other. For us, that changed the game at the most basic level in the most positive way possible.  


    Post # 13
    11342 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    For me, everything in my life changed in some way after we were married.

    My Darling Husband and I met online and had an entirely long-distance relationship throughout which we only saw each other two or three times a month at most.  Our marriage involved an inordinate  amount of change and transition (such as my having to “commute” between my state and his every week for the first ten months; the fact that Darling Husband was married before for more than 20 years and has children, and I had never been married and had no children; the fact that Darling Husband is a senior pastor and works nearly every weekend as well as all or parts of most other days, and I became a pastor’s wife; the fact that I had to resign from my successful and high-paying job/career and relocate to a small town in a very rural area where I haven’t yet found a job in my field, etc…)

    The first year-and-a-half of our marriage was extremely  difficult, and, really, the first two-and-a-half-to-three years were all quite hard.

    Post # 14
    527 posts
    Busy bee

    I think things change more if you don’t live together before hand.  My friends that lived together before getting married went through that stage before they were married, so not much changed after marriage.  Darling Husband and I did not live together before getting married, so we had a big adjustment period.

    Post # 15
    1416 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    Pretty much nothing changed for us (other than my name and our nicknames for each other…we do call each other husband and wife often and giggle about it, lol), but we’ve been together 6 years and have lived together pretty much that entire time (and have lived together officially on the same lease for 4 years pre-wedding), so there isn’t really anything too crazy new to learn about each other or adjust to, we’ve made all big decisions as a couple for years now, have shared paying the rent and groceries etc etc for years now, and so on and so forth, so it really is no different other than us occassionally remembering that we’re married now and giggling about it like schoolgirls because it’s a nice warm fuzzy feeling 🙂

    Post # 16
    1572 posts
    Bumble bee

    Hmm nah I think we went through the hardest time before we were married, like when we were still dating/engaged. We just grew closer after getting married.

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