Married bees, what advice would you give to those planning their wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Recaps
Post # 3
Member
8903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Easier said that done, but DON’T STRESS over every little detail because ultimately it doesn’t matter and it will just taint what should be a happy and fun time.  It’s fine to CARE about all the details, but don’t let it turn into a stressful and unpleasant time.

I had my now-husband tell me when I was getting too negative or stressed about something, because that behavior can be hard to identify in ourselves.  It would help remind me to take a step back and remember that all that mattered is I was marrying the love of my life.  Nothing is worth having your memories of the engagement and wedding planning be stressed, unpleasant ones.

Post # 4
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Budget and stick to it.  My husband and I didn’t have to go into debt for our wedding and we’re both really happy about that.

Post # 5
Member
2124 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have two very big pieces of advice:

1) Make the wedding about you and your husband/wife. Do what you want to do to make the wedding day special for you. Try not to let other people influence you or get you down about decisions. If you want a DW, have a DW. If you want to elope, elope. If you want to have an outdoor wedding, have an outdoor wedding. If you want a dress that no one else likes, get the dress if you really want it. If no one else likes your theme or decor, who cares just do what you want. 

 

2) Save enough money and plan out for important vendors. You don’t want to be stuck with no photographer and have to settle with a less than mediocre one like we did.

Post # 6
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

1.Perspective is key.

 

We got married the Week of the Boston Bombings, in fact the Friday before my wedding the city was on locked down, and our ceremony was taking place a couple streets over from the bombing location. So it was stressful, my Husband and I decided that we were going to get married no matter what, we also decided to be grateful for our friends and family being heathly when so many people were hurt. We decide that we weren’t going to look at it as a diaster. Things end up working out, I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t stressful, and that I didn’t have my moments. But for the most part having that perspective kept us calm and help us enjoy our day after the horrible things that happened.

 

2.Don’t build up unrealistic expectations.

 

I think I learned this from weddingbee. People who planned or looked at thier weddings as these big dream like perfect days were always bound to be disappointed. I saw people on here complaining about who they planned this perfect days, and then when minor minor things didn’t go the way they planned  they felt it ruined their wedding.

 

3.Finally remember the marriage is more important then the wedding.

 

The best thing my Fi and I did was have some weekends and certain days labeled Us days where we didn’t speak about our wedding.  During engagement it’s so easy to get carried away and start fights with your spouse so it’s important even when you are super busy to continue to nature that relationship. I think too many people waste their engagements by being hyperfocused on pulling off a certain kind of wedding, and leave a trail of hurt feelings and bad behavior towards  inalws, parents, and even their spouse. What is the point of having a great wedding when everyone is either pissed or hurt by your behavior?

4. Don’t Spend Money you don’t have

We made a plan and saved money. I think it’s not worth it going into debt for your wedding. So plan what you can afford.

 

Post # 7
Member
3777 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Live in the moment. Enjoy being engaged. Enjoy the process. On your wedding day let go of everything and just breathe in every single moment of that day. Take time to step back and look around. Soak it in. Appreciate it all.

Post # 9
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

To Bees having a court wedding.. just because its more intimate doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go all out! (Within reason) . I didn’t get a photographer, a nice cake or even get a nice dress, which I regret ;-(

Post # 10
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Pay for it yourselves.  Being in full control of what we wanted and executing our vision to our liking was extremely fulfilling. This means have the wedding you can afford, and you’ll be able to say it was ALL YOU.  Any money that came our way (all unsolicited) was treated as pure gifts.

It’s almost always the bride who sets the mood, not the trinkets or the booze.  I’ve said this before.  No matter what the decor, theme, food, favors, music, YOU, the bride and groom, will infect people with your attitude.  YOU affect the overall ambience.  So be open, warm, and welcoming, and people will remember they had a great time.  They won’t notice the things that went wrong.

Yes, the day is about you, but you’ve invited OTHER people into your world for  several hours.  So please remember to say hi to them and be considerate of their comfort.  For us, this meant inviting EVERYONE to our rehearsal Open House (we had a destination wedding), giving advance warning of bathroom logistics, renting tall bar-height tables during cocktail hour so people didn’t have to stand awkwardly with a drink in one hand and a plate of apps in the other, and providing lawn games (which were a hit).

Planning sucks.  I know.  But you’re only doing this once (hopefully), so try to find ways to enjoy it or find humor in each aspect without getting lost in the details.

Post # 11
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You’re probably going to forget something, but don’t sweat it. It will seriously work out.

Also, if the pastor pronounes your name wrong? Again, don’t sweat it. Everyone there knows how to pronounce your last name.

And pick your bridesmaid wisely as well as outline EXACTLY what you want from them.

Lastly, the day goes by way too fast to focus on Uncle Ted being an annoying drunk or Aunt Millie taking 5 pieces of cake or John, Jane, and Junior not showing up when they RSVP’d yes. Leave all of that where it is, and enjoy your day 🙂

 

Post # 12
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

do not spend alot of money on little things.  Such as jewellery or table numbers or anything like that.  You use it ONE day and no one really notices if you use something cheaper/smaller

Post # 13
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

#1 Work on your relationship and impending marriage, first and foremost. It doesn’t matter if you have the most expensive dress, the most delicious food and top shelf cocktails. If you and your groom aren’t connecting, aren’t excited about your life together, that’s a problem—not whether you have an ice  scultpure of a swan.

#2 Don’t sweat anything. No one cares about your mason jar glasses, whatever chairs you guys are all obsessed with at the moment, or the perfect shade of blue shoes (most of them won’t even realize you’re wearing shoes).  

I’ve been to a lot of weddings (as most of us have). Think about what YOU remember from them, and make those things special for your guests. Did you remember the invites? Nope! Me neither! Did you remember the favors? Yeah, I totally forgot to take them off the table.

What did you remember? The venue (probably), the food and whether or not it was a fun party. The #1 thing I remember from weddings: how good of a time my DH and I had at the party. Not the napkins, centerpieces or reception dress. 

#3 Remember that the wedding is a means to an end. YOU’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED!

 

Post # 14
Member
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@mylittleviolett:  +1 on your first point.

Coming off of that, learn how to say no. 

Also: if you find yourself stressing out about something, stop and tell yourself that NO ONE CARES. Literally, no one cares whether or not you have a belly band on your invitations (or, in my case, twine). No one cares if your bridesmaids dresses don’t match exactly to this shade of whatever. Pick something and move on.

Post # 15
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Pavilion at Rocky Neck State Park

You don’t need the “best” and most expensive to have a beautiful wedding. I spent $15 on invites, $30 on my jewelry, and $105 on my hair/make-up. I didn’t need to buy $300+ shoes or a venue that costs more than my car to make my perfect day. The only thing that truly matters is marrying your best friend 🙂

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

1- No one cares about the details but you. Really. I promise.

2- Dress shopping is the best part of planning

3- The longer you’re engaged, the higher your expectations become

4- Spend more money on your honeymoon and less on your wedding

5- I’m sure you don’t need this reminder, but your friends/family/loved ones are not show puppets for you to dress up/yell at/tell them what to do.

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