Married Bees: What did you learn from your wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@CanadianBride456:  I didn’t spen as much time preparing for my hair and makeup. I wish I would have spent more time on that. I put so much effort into the other details. I also wish I would have stopped and really looked at everything the day of the wedding. Take a moment and look at all of your hard work, because I promise it is going to FLY BY.

Post # 4
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

relax and have fun.  in the end, all that matters is you are married and you had a great time.

i was lucky to not have any drama.  my mom tried to take over a little but it was manageable, i’ve dealt with it in everything my entire life.

people told me i wouldn’t have time to eat, so eat before.  i ate a little of my food during the Best Man speech, but then spent the rest of the night on the dance floor.  we had an awesome party.

our photobooth was a no show. i had a feeling when no email or phone call was returned the week before.  i didn’t let it stress me out, there was nothing i could do and it wasn’t a vendor that would ruin my night.

 

Post # 5
Member
414 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Organization is so important!  Just when you think you have sent enough confirmation emails, send some more!  I actually just went through my wedding folder in my email inbox and realized how many times the same things were said over and over to a variety of people, but my day went incredibly smoothly and I’d like to think one of the reasons is because of that.  Don’t think that you are “bugging” them, you are helping them!  You have one wedding to keep track of, your vendors have many!  The more communication the better.  I also made sure to send a lot of communication my VIPs (bridal party, family, pastor etc) to ensure everyone was on the same page the day of.

Also, like PP said, step back and take it all in.  I didn’t do that, and now I live vicariously through my pics (which were great!) especially for details.  I worked super hard on our aisle decorations and I didn’t even notice them!  I was too busy, you know, walking down the aisle!  They took all the chairs down while we were doing pictures so it wasn’t until I got the pictures back that I got to see a lot of my DIY projects “in action”

Post # 6
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

The biggest thing I learned was to trust myself (and my DH) to know what is best for us.  We had decisions questioned along the way, and I am SO happy we weren’t detered by the nay-sayers, and that we did what we knew would work for us.  In the same vein, the few regrets I have about the wedding were from me putting trust in certain vendors to know what was best, but not realizing that wasn’t necessarily what was best for US.  I should have stuck to my guns on those issues.

In terms of the actual day, I stand behind what I said before the wedding, which was that eating lunch was the most important thing we had to do that day!  DH and I got tons of food for our BMs, GM and parents to eat while we were getting ready at the hotel, and I think it showed for the rest of the day (and in our photos) that we weren’t all grouchy and starving! 

Finally (sorry this is becoming a novel!) I found that the best moments of the day were unplanned and totally out of my control.  Like my stepmom’s addition to my dad’s speech where she thanked my mom for sharing my sister and I with her.  And a hilarious rambling joke from my uncle who was our MC.  And my great aunt, great uncle, and step grandma singing an Italian song.  I’m glad that for the most part, I was relaxed enough to just enjoy the day as it unfolded.

Post # 7
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I learned that the day will go on whether everything is perfect or not.  And in the end, nobody will remember your centerpieces that you slaved over, or if you had favors, or what your first song was that took you weeks to pick, they will remember how happy you and your spouse looked.  🙂

 

Post # 8
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@CanadianBride456:  Things I learned:

People get really pissed about not getting invited…its bizarre!

Not everyone wants a big wedding or a long engagement, if you’re looking to pull the trigger and get er done your way, don’t let anyone tell you its impossible or going to be more expensive, it isn’t.

Before you start anything, round up your golden cows, both you and your FI are going to remember this day for the rest of your lives, make sure you both get those things that matter most, and forget about the rest of it.

Use who and what’s handy, sometimes I see a lot of brides pushing the cart sideways because they’ve got it in their heads that things can only be one way….its just not true. 

Don’t be afraid of the DIY, but know your limits.

Make sure you have on comfortable shoes….there’s nothing worse than footpain…seriously.

 

Post # 9
Member
11734 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I learned that despite being a happy time, weddings can bring out the worst in people, and you will see sides of people you didn’t know existed. 

I also learned that I do care a whole heck of a lot about etiquette!

Post # 10
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@CanadianBride456:  

1. be organized. extremely organized. over-organized, even.

2. do everything early. it’s fine if your projects are done months ahead of time. being able to relax the week of and soak up the excitement is so important, you don’t want to spend that time finishing up projects because people told you you were doing things ‘too early’.

3. all of the material parts of the wedding are superficial. what matters most are your rings, your vows and your photos. your marriage, your relationships with your bridal party, family and friends that are there to support you are infinitely more important than a dress, BP dresses, flowers, food, music, or anything else. this is why i don’t understand the bridezilla mentality.

4. let it go. if something irritates you, move on. make a decision and don’t go back to it.

5. take tissue down the aisle, even if you don’t think you’re going to cry.

i think that’s it. oh, and don’t spend the farm – it’s not worth it after!

 

Post # 11
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@CanadianBride456:  dont let yourself get stressed out. make lists so you don’t forget anything. Relax, and have fun, its your wedding you should get to enjoy it. Eat. Remember to stop for 5 mins and eat. Appoint someone, whether its your mom, BM, or FH, get someone to be the main point of contact if something should go wrong. DH was so sweet and told all the vendors to come to him if there was a problem, he wanted me to enjoy the day. Things went wrong and I had no idea! Except for my sister who had a seizure in the bridal suite which took up half the cocktail hour, so we didn’t get to enjoy it as we had planned. We worked so hard to coordinate a timeline with the photographers so we can get back to the bridal suite to eat for the cocktail hour. And my sister had a seizure. I shouldn’t be upset, but I am because she refuses to take her medication, so this could have been avoided. She had a seizure the day of my bridal shower as well.

I really did enjoy my wedding. We danced our asses off. We got to eat, drink and have fun with all of our guests.

Post # 12
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@abbie017:  oh yeah. +1 for sure. i have seen weddings make people act so irrationally insane.

Post # 13
Member
43 posts
Newbee

I would have to say the best thing I did for myself during the wedding planning process was keep a lot of details to myself and only share with my close peeps I trusted most.  It’s amazing to me how much people will just tear down any ideas you might have because it’s a wedding!  In the end it all comes down to opinions, and no one opinion is better than another, so just go with your gut and what best represents you and your future husband.

 

One thing I regret with every fiber of my being–and I see it in all my photos, is that I held my bouquet like a fracking trophy!!  I wish, oh I wish I would have held it down towards my lower abdomen!  SIGH*  But, that’s something I can laugh about, because I was so in the moment just staring at my husband at the altar I didn’t even think about how I was holding my massive-heaby bouquet!

 

I also had a super high level of detail in the decorations for my wedding, and I do not regret doing this AT ALL.  I had a lot of people tell me that I didn’t need to do X,Y, or Z and that no one would notice anyways.  But just last week, almost 6 months after my wedding someone complimented me about how beautiful it was!  I realized in the end that the people who were telling me to not do what I wanted were insecure people who were comparing themselves and their family to my wedding.  Some were even trying to make sure that my wedding wasn’t as “nice” at theirs!  I could have easily been caught up in trying to make my wedding “better” than other people’s but I just did what I wanted, with the resources I wanted, and it turned out even better than I wanted.  And I wasn’t about anyone else but me and my husband.  Its not like I needed the validation from someone months after the wedding, but it just confirmed my own feelings about how I planned everything.HereHere’s the “trophy” holding!  LOL!

Post # 14
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

The two big things I wish I had done:

1. practice walking in my dress – I would have realized that it was too long

2. spent more time walking through the agenda with our MC. A good friend did it for us and he was sweet and great but got a little nervous and jumped the gun in several places, so our videographer wasn’t ready and missed parts and we weren’t even seated for the grace.  We should have put definite times on things.

Otherwise, all the little things that weren’t perfect didn’t matter at all.  And being married is the best part 🙂

Post # 15
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

i honestly learned that none of it matters all that much. which sounds insane, i know. but i was seriously stressed/consumed with wedding planning the last year. i wanted everything to be PERFECT and i was going out of my mind trying to make it the best wedding anyone ever attended. and you know what? i coulda spent half a million dollars and it might not have been the best wedding someone attended.

in hindsight, i wish i enjoyed the process more… i wish i spent less money. i wish i stressed less. i wish i cared less, in general. because now the wedding is done. and all that matters is we are married. no one else really cares about the details or the wedding or the photos. and i’m stuck obsessing about what went wrong and not really focusing on what went right… ya know? this sounds so negative! i promise, i had an amazing day and i love everything about it. but if i could go back… i woulda been less focused on the things that don’t really matter.

Post # 16
Member
9532 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve said this, like, a million times on the bee – but my biggest advice is to set priorities early and stick to them. It’s easy to get caught up in all the details and extras and drama. What’s really important to you? To us, that was mostly people. Affirming and celebrating the relationship between myself and my husband and being surrounded and supported by all our loved ones. That was our priority.

I also addopted the wedding motto “Care Less”. I don’t mean about the wedding in general or the marriage but all the stupid details that don’t really matter. Your bridesmiad doesn’t want to wear heels – doesn’t really matter. Your chairs are ivory and linens are white – doesn’t really matter. Your Aunt Hilda is wearing a hideously inappropriate dress – doesn’t really matter! Really so many of the things we stress about just really aren’t that big a deal and aren’t worth the stress. This is the ultimate arena for needing to pick your battles. People always say to not sweat the small stuff, but it’s hard for most brides. But it’s worth it! Be conscious of it. Let things roll off your shoulders and focus on what’s important. And be firm in decisions. It cuts down on drama. 

Also, my DOC was worth her weight in gold. Seriously. I wanted to be able to relax and enjoy my wedding day and she totally made that possible!

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