Married Bees- What Do You Think About The Dilemmas Brides-To-Bee Post About?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Asichka:  To sum up what could become long winded: I think magazines and media give us an unrealistic picture of what weddings are supposed to look like, so many brides on a budget (or maybe even not on a budget) try to strive for that and feel pressured. There is also the pressure to try to make wedding bigger and better than what you can handle or afford.

As far as worry about things I think some Bees have legit concerns. It is concerning to them at the time becuase we truly do believe it all matters to make sure that ribbon is curled just perfectly. At the end of it, as a married Bee, yeah its nice to have all of that all pretty and wonderful, but it really doesn’t matter. a year and a half later all those little details don’t matter to anyone anymore, and I don’t even have wedding pics up. I just know that day I married a terrific man.

Post # 4
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Having had both a large wedding the first time around, and a “planned elopement” wiith no guests the second time around, I think that the “Pinterest-ization of weddings creates such pressure to have a perfectly polished media-friendly wedding, that brides drive themselves crazy.

May times, in the end all they have is an album of beautiful pictures, and a mountain of debt.  Considering how hard it is to get a good start in life with the economy the way it is, I really feel for couples who start their lives together sleeping on an air mattress and earing ramen noodles because they “had to” get married at the Plaza (or where ever).  

Post # 5
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@Asichka:  I think these boards show a lot more wedding stress than what happens in real life. Many people (me included) use the boards as a place to vomit all of their wedding talk. Can you really tell a BM she is driving you nuts? Or complain about weddings costing so much? Or how about talk non stop wedding planning for the next 10 months with everyone you know?  You probably shouldn’t do that with your friends and family.

You will hit that point where you are so frustrated and annoyed you want to scream. Whether it’s picking a date, your BM hurting your feelings, your FI not being involved enough (or offending you by hating your ideas), you will get stressed. Like most Bees, you will head here to vent your frustrations, get some perspective, and calm down without coming off as crazy to your friends and family.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I heard it 89847483 times while planning, but I never listened!

As long as there is adequate food, drink, and good music (if you’re having dancing), that is ALL your guests are going to notice.

They don’t care about your invites. Or your flowers/decor/painstakingly made guestbook. (Unless they’re engaged! Then they’re judging ALL of it. And probably finding it to be lacking. Different strokes, different folks!)

The only things my guests remember are 1- The hors d’evoures running out early and 2- The salmon being heartbreakingly good. (And guests who came out dancing that night remember my Mom getting completely trashed)

Post # 7
Member
3738 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Did you have similar problems, that you can now see were preventable/not so much of a big deal after all as you look back with 20/20 hindsight vision?

Yes. Yes yes yes. I was the bride that kept saying, “No one better show up in white or jeans!!!” Guess what. I have NO IDEA what anyone wore to my wedding. You will be far too wrapped up in your new husband to even notice, let alone give a shit.

Post # 8
Member
8916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I have to laugh at all the drama with bridesmaids, family members, friends you don’t really want to invite, etc etc.  I think some people need a reminder that if drama is following you constantly… maybe it’s not everyone else’s fault!

Post # 9
Member
5932 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Asichka:  I think everyone is entitled to their own experience, stressfull, expensive, easy, small…whatever, the bees have found a soft place to fall in the hive, and whatever the problem…I think it matters VERY much to them…which is what counts.

 

Post # 10
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ve met many stressed brides and always scoffed “That won’t be me”.  Now that I’m actually planning, I get it, I understand!

I’m normally a very decisive person, but the multitude of choices is overwhelming.  Let’s take invitations: you search for 5 vendors you like and compare prices, you request samples from 2 vendors, you select from their 150 designs, you decide on wording, you decide how to RSVP, paper upgrade, inner and outer envelopes, envelope liners, matching seals, printing return addresses, including an engagment photo.  This is just for invitations.  Now make decisions about date, time, locations, ceremony, officiant, venue, menu, cake, rings, guest lists, dress, decorations, photography, hair, music- the list is endless.

Yes, these are first world problems we should be so lucky to have.  But whether you’re planning a 50,000$ banquet for 200 people or a 500$ picnic in the park for 20 – many, many choices need to be made and it is stressful.  

Post # 11
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@canadajane:  Second that–and a lot of the choices are totally outside the realm of things I know anything about (and maybe even care about) and yet I still have to make a choice.

You can’t just say, “sure, whatever, just pick the menu Mr. Caterer” because they’re still going to run things by you. If we’re getting flowers, someone has to give the florist at least minimal information and then decide if whats proposed is fine, and thats tough without knowing what it means!

Post # 12
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Asichka:  good questions and thoughts! When I feel myself getting worked up, I try to remind myself all that matters is that the groom shows up that day and we exchange vows. Everything else is just details. But it is so easy to get sucked in due to all the reasons you and bees mentioned. 

Post # 14
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

I think in the big scheme of things many folks lose the most basic points and get caught up in the details. I think sometimes people feel as though having a ‘dream perfect’ wedding is everything, and forget about the here and now, and don’t always make choices that are practical in the long run. That is my opinion anyways!

Post # 15
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Asichka:  I was married many years ago, and the few things I remember about it was the best man’s mom handing my (ex) husband an alcoholic drink disguised in a pepsi can, forgetting to put my veil over my face before walking down the aisle (nobody cared but me), and the photographer taking a picture of me shoveling food into my mouth (he sucked as a photographer anyways). I don’t remember what we ate, had to look at old pics to figure out who was there, and dig up my old guest book to remember what gifts we were given (and I don’t have any of them anymore).

This time around, I’m probably not going to worry about a photographer, have everyone with cameras/phones just email me the pictures they took, have whatever we figure out for food while trying to keep the gluten and peanut intake to a bare minimum, and not stress so much about the details that had me panicking the first time. It’s one day, and when it’s over, that’s it. Nobody else is going to remember or care what color the linens were, if the uplighting was bright enough, or if the best man forgot his speech. 🙂

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