Post # 1
I didn’t get any advice from family. Both my parents and in laws have terrible, terrible marriages, so rather than giving advice, our moms just acknowledged the fact that we both did better than they did. We did a bit of premarital counseling with an MFT, but she didn’t have much to say. In fact, I think I only got one piece of advice, but it’s pretty good:
“Before getting married, go on a week long road trip with each other. Leave your money at home.”
I think it’s good advice to see how you cope through something incredibly stressful together before marriage.
Post # 3
From my mom, “Make sure any man you’re with treats you like a queen, because it doesn’t get better after marriage.”
Not sure this is “good” advice, per say, but various women in my family have told me not to get married. – .-
Post # 4
@Chaoslight: Haha, we got that “advice” from someone in his family. Seeing as he was in the midst of his second divorce, we took it with a grain of salt.
Post # 5
“You’re marrying him, not his parents.”
Post # 6
To be honest, we never really got any good advice we didn’t already know. Mr Rugbee & I have a lot of trust and respect for one another. When you have a good, healthy relationship, there isn’t a lot people can tell you that isn’t common sense.
Post # 7
We were once told “Don’t ever threaten to break up/divorce/split while fighting.” You say it in the heat of the moment when you’re pissed and may not really mean it but it can cause damage when you don’t realize it. We don’t even ‘allow’ those words in the house. It’s not something that’s up for discussion.
Post # 8
from my boss:
“remember that all the small things don’t matter and almost everything is small stuff.” Remember this really helps avoid fights and bickering over the small insignificant stuff that just really does not matter and is forgotten the next day.
Post # 9
My 97 year old grandpa…
“Don’t look at marriage like a 50:50 partnership. Give 100% no matter what.”
Post # 10
The best advice we got – Don’t forget you’re on the same team, especially during an argument.
Make a budget – and stick to it!
Make it a priority to still ‘date’ each other.
Keep the fights clean, and the sex dirty.
Post # 11
From my mom: no matter what your financials are like, take at least one vacation a year just the two of you – no friends, kids or other family around. It can be a big vacation or just 2 nights at a hotel 1 town over, sometimes you need a break from reality with just the two of you to remember whats important in your relationship.
Post # 12
@AmyFarrahFowler: I just wanted to say that your name and avatar make me smile 🙂
Post # 14
Don’t be so focused on the future that you forget to live in, and enjoy, the moment.
Post # 15
@ellebeerob: Oh yes! I read something like this online once, “In an argument, don’t think of things as you vs. spouse, think of it as problem vs. marriage. That way both can win.” Such a great way of putting it.
These are great.
Post # 16
“Never stop talking to one another” (“communication is key”).
Which is good because I am very open with my feelings, and it took DH a little longer to open up….I mean really open up where he’d get mad or stand up for himself if I or someone else was being a jerk. We’ve already learned and gained so much from each other. 🙂