Post # 1
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about marriage – not just my wedding but the commitment and life-long partnership to follow. I GET SO EXCITED!
It also seems daunting sometimes. I love my FH and I know he is the one. But, transitioning to true married grown-ups – joint bank accounts, deciding family holidays, shared investments, etc. is what seems daunting.
What advice would you give bridal bees to make the transition into a married couple easiest?
From financial advice, housing advice, family advice, communication…what do you wish someone told you before you got married?
Post # 3
@kateisstoned: I don’t think there’s a specific recipe for the best way to transition into married life. Go at your own pace, and gradually introduce the shared things at a comfortable rate. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to do it all at once, and sometimes that results in anxiety for one or both parties. Enjoy each other, and make sure to keep up with date nights, but also give one another as much/as little space as you need!
Post # 4
We just celebrated our 2 year anniv. yesterday so I don’t have a TON of married experience, but Darling Husband and I are very happily married. I think a big part of what works for us is always communicating how we feel–I see many relationships unravel when the two partners don’t talk to each other or discuss their feelings and their needs in a kind, respectful manner. Better to let your FI/husband know if something is making you unhappy than to let it fester and grow into resentment.
The whole money-sharing thing… It might not work for everyone, but we share a bank account. We trust one another to make smart financial decisions without consulting the other spouse on every little expenditure.
I also think going on dates and vacations is really important to your relationship, and to your sanity.
Post # 5
I agree that communication is key. I travel for work 1-2 weeks/month and Darling Husband goes to a gym for 2 hours after work 3-4 days a week when I’m home. Time together and conversation is important. Never loose that effort to make it happen.
Post # 6
It’s hard. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It’s going to be hard and it is hard. But it’s worth it.
Pick your battles. I never understood what this meant until recently -there are some things that are really just not worth my time. Husband wants to put his brewing kit in our closet and turn the AC on full blast? Whatever. Doesn’t make my life harder or ruin my day. He doesn’t pitch a fit when I need new panties or makeup or need to get my hair done anymore. We used to fight about this stuff but it’s not really worth tears. This doesn’t mean I don;t love him or care about what he does, it just means that I’m not going to go all crazy on him because its now 72 in our house and not 76. No big deal, grab a jacket, move on with your life.
Go on dates and vacations. We love to get away for a least a few nights during the year and it really helps us relax and take a break from our normal lives. If we can’t get away, we do dinner and a movie or go out with our friends. We always end up laughing and kissing at the end of the night 😉
Try new stuff you’re both uncomfortable with. Its tempting to want to stick with stuff you know but its fun to try new things together. We went skydiving the day after we got engaged and its one of my favorite memories. We went to NYC for Christmas and booked a cabin in the Georgia mountains to spend a few days this summer. We’ve eaten at places that were completely new to both of us and spent all night shopping on Black Friday. These were all things we had never done before and I have some great memories from all of that. I couldn’t tell you anything about our Olive Garden dining experience last weekend but I can give you a complete description of a fondue restaurant we went to in NYC 5 months ago. We were both out of our comfort zone and it made us rely on each other and make special memories together.
I married my best friend and even though I hate his guts sometimes, I love him and we’re in this together, for better or for worse. It’s really about how to take it and what you make of it 🙂
Post # 7
Respect each other. You are going to disagree. You are going to fight. But as long as you always respect each other you’ll be fine. Don’t scream at each other, and for goodness sake never belittle each other. I see this all the time and it just makes me sad that some people can’t fight without being underhanded and dirty. Darling Husband and I have had arguments and fights and we’ve been mad at each other but we’ve always retained our respect and we’ve never fought dirty or called each other names or broken down into a screaming match that accomplishes nothing but pissing both parties off.
Post # 8
Wait a little bit before having children after marrying, enjoy your time together first
Post # 9
Before you marry, practice saying, “i’m sorry” and “I forgive you”
PS Married 22 years
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Great advice so far. Mine would be to make sure that you appreciate each other. It’s so easy to take for granted all of the little things. He did the dishes, you weeded the front garden, he brought you flowers for no reason, you gave him a back rub, etc., etc., etc. Take a moment and thank each other for this stuff. Recognize the effort that your partner puts in to taking care of you/your needs/chores/whatever every day. And do not keep score. Keeping score only leads to dissatisfaction because you are focusing on the negative instead of relishing in the positive.
Post # 11
Communication is the most important thing in a marriage. Nothing works without it! If you don’t already have amazing communication skills, the best wedding gift you could give one another is couple’s counseling (or individual counseling if it’s one-sided).
Post # 12
Communication. Stick with it.
Post # 13
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Definitely choosing your battles is a big one. When you let go of the things that don’t matter, it definitely helps with the stress.
Post # 14
Be kind to each other.
Have a secret signal that means: “Actually I don’t want to have this argument after all.”
Post # 15
Don’t buy furniture from Ikea without making a stop at the liquor store first. Also, play board games at your own risk. Monopoly and Risk have caused some real disputes in our house 🙂
Post # 16
Communication is so important. Learn how to fight fairly. Don’t expect your husband to be able to read your mind~you need to speak up about how you feel. Say I love you often but know it’s ok to feel like sometimes you don’t like him at the moment. Take time out of the day to talk to each other, no TV, phones, etc. Try new things together.
Marriage is hard work but so worth it.