(Closed) Married Bees w/Not so great in-laws in the wedding process…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been married a little over a month already. I have horrible MIL and SIL and no, it did not get better. We no longer speak to them or welcome them in our life. I’ve heard many people say it gets better, but I think it depends on the situation and the extent of how your IL are. I didn’t expect our relationship to get better, though I think my hubby did, I honestly don’t forsee any contact with them for a long time, I think maybe when we have kids they will try to come around again, but only to cause drama and issues the way they did at our wedding, but we don’t plan on having kids for a few years and after the way they treated me, and acted , I won’t accept them back at that point.

My best advise to you, enjoy your last 3 weeks, put them out of your mind, make it about you 2, if you don’t then your going to make yourself miserable and allow people who have been making YOUR engagement miserable win. Hopefully you can be one of those couples that it gets better after the wedding, only time will tell. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@marlew:

If he doesn’t stick up for you now and only sees their side I’m sorry but I don’t think things will change.  I would either put off the wedding and seek counseling for the two of you before you get married, or run far far away.  Things will not likely change with your ILs over time-unless they get worse.  I know you love him, but it would likely be a very unhappy marriage otherwise. When you marry he. needs. to. put. you. first.

Post # 5
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I agree Rlsulli

I missed the part that it was mentioned he doesn’t see your side. That’s an issue! My husband had a majorly hard time in the beginning because he didn’t want to hurt his mom and sisters feelings, not realizing and understanding how badly it was hurting our relationship and by him feeding into them it gave them more power. We went to therapy, my engagement for the first 5 months were really awful, once we got therapy we were back to our old relationship and able to manage the horrible in-laws, we kept them away from us, stood our ground and established boundaries and really had to put forth a unified team, when we didn’t have that and we were failing miserably, which our marriage would have if we didn’t do it before hand. Try to talk to your FI, you guys have to be together on this with his family.

Post # 6
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Things actually got worse and better at the same time. After what my in-laws did to me during our entire wedding process my DH has written off his family. While I feel awful about this I am happy that we have stood together and they treat him so bad I hate seeing him hurt. He is taking this decision much better than I am. But since I am his family and he is my guard dog and refuses to let anyone near me that can hurt me. He stopped talking to them during the wedding planning when they tried to ruin my wedding shower and remained cordial so that we could get through our day.

Post # 7
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Things got better for me.

I think my MIL realized its done, he married me, you have to accept it. Its been almost a year, and neither one of my inlaws pulled any of their extremely rude stunts like they did before we were married. So in my eyes this was a huge improvement.

One thing that helps too, is that my husband isn’t very close with his parents, so even though we live in the same town, we don’t spend alot of time together.

Post # 8
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OMG I was just about to post about the same thing when i logged on just know.  I hate his family soo much that we are four days out from our wedding and i want to cancell.  He sticks up for me but he can’t totally disown them they are HIS family, i just don’t want them near me. I’ve already told him i will not socialize with them and after the wedding i don’t want any of them in my house or near me and if he couldn’t live with this he should cancell the wedding because i will not comprimise on this.  I love him soooooo much but hate hate hate his knuckle dragging family. 

Sorry for taking over your post just had to vent. I apologize for not being of any help.

Post # 9
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m interested in answers to this thread also – I have had a year of wedding hell with my in-laws, so any advice is welcome for me, nice post marlew 🙂

Post # 10
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Its funny, I think after being married and now knowing that my family is also now my husbands family and visa versa we are both more open in our complaints and more willing to work through them as a team.  My husband has always been great to both his parents and my single mother, and I love him for it.  At times it gets frustrating as his father is chronically ill and requires a lot of help.  My husband also works for his parents which I don’t really like.  At the same time, I think I have been more accepting of the fact that while they are different from my parents, they are good people.  I know my husband and I will both have to compromise from time to time with family issues and we do seem to be more of a team about things now.

Don’t get me wrong, they still do wierd things that drive me nuts, but I now have come to terms with the fact they won’t change and I let things go. 

 

Post # 11
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Coming from a former live with difficult inlaws, I agree – it gets better only because you develop coping mechanisms to deal with them.  Either you accept their crazy, wicked, irritating (fill in the adjective) ways and figure out ways to deal with them or you end up just ignore them all together.  Here’s the important thing…(and the reason they are exinlaws)…where is your husband or FI on this?  Does he support you and more importantly protect you/defend you from the craziness?  If so, you’re good – you’ll learn how to laugh about them. If he doesnt, you need to discuss asap.  Honestly, if I had followed my gut I would have cancelled my wedding the night before because of a situation where they treated me so horribly and he did not think anything they did anything wrong.  It was a sign of times to come. 

Post # 12
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Things got WAY better for me immediately after the wedding. My husband’s parents are really strict and religious and they wanted him to marry a Catholic. I am not. So, they were pretty critical of us, even though we’ve been together for 5 years. At the wedding, they danced, had a blast, and then came up to me and told me they were happy I was their new daughter. I almost crying thinking about it because they really disliked me for so long (which was hard to swallow for a people-pleaser like me). Now, my MIL calls me and sends me nice e-mails. So don’t lose hope!

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