Post # 1
So I’m curious as to what other married bees think about starting new opposite-sex friendships.
Darling Husband and I live overseas so we pretty much only know Americans and they are for the most part all married. We’ve talked about how weird it would be for one of us to be hanging out with the opposite-sex spouse alone. Or even more weird to hang out with a single person…since a few marriages have been damaged from seeing this firsthand.
Maybe it’s where we live, IDK. I talked with a female married friend and her/her spouse said they just don’t do that….basically she said a friendship should ADD to the marriage, not take away from it. She would not be cool letting her husband go to dinner or drinks or travel alone with another female.
What do you think?
Post # 3
I agree, neither my husband or I would be comfortable with the other spending a lot of time with a new friend of the opposite sex. And it has nothing to do with trust, we completely trust eachother it’s more out of respect to our marriage and that we always want to protect that above everything. Most people who get feelings for someone else, emotionally cheat or have affairs are usually started out by a friendship first.. which is why it happens alot in the work place. I think it’s important not to be nieve to the fact that things can develope from a friendship into something more if you aren’t careful. But we both have plenty of male and female friends, they are just mostly married couples or long time friends.
Post # 4
@texasbee: I wouldn’lt like it. I’m not super jealous and my husband works with a lot of women so he has work friends who are female as I do that are male. I wouldn’t be okay with him meeting one of them to do anything alone though! They sometimes do happy hours and such. Last week, he was one of two men there and I am okay with that, but a one on one with one of them is just too intimate and asking for trouble, in my opinion. On the other hand, he has an old female friend from high school who he meets to watch baseball at a sports bar on occasion, and I am okay with that. I guess because it’s more of an established platonic friendship. Plus, she isnt super attractive so I’m sure that helps me feel unthreatened…
Post # 5
We aren’t married quite yet, but NO, neither of us would be cool with adding any new opposite sex friends to our relationship, unless the new people were a couple we met or something. But there would never be any individual spending of time alone with someone of the opposite sex who isn’t a blood relative. I guess both of us are too jealous, haha! – JOKING – we really aren’t because we have no need to be.
What it is, really, is that we love spending time together alone, more than anything else. And we feel as though we don’t get enough time alone together as it is. So, why on earth would we want to waste time with anyone else when we could be spending it together?
We love being together that much. We rarely even spend much time alone with our same-sex friends. We do at times, and we do go out with couple friends. We also have family members and we both have sons. We have enough people taking our time away from each other, so the last thing we want to do is add anyone else to the mix.
Post # 6
Not ok. Between our couple, our baby, our families and our existing friends, we don’t have time or interest for new friends. The little free time we have, we spend it together and if he wasn’t available for me because he’s starting a friendship with another female, I wouldn’t be happy about that. He wouldn’t be happy about me spending time with another man either.
Post # 7
Okay maybe I’m the weird one but we moved after getting married and I work in an office with mostly guys so if I want to have friends at work I don’t have a lot of choice. I never go out with one guy alone though.
Post # 8
I’m going against the grain and saying heck yes? Fiance and I will certainly have friends of all genders and walks of life. Me having a male friend, and even *gasp* hanging out alone!, is no threat to our marriage. We’re both fully committed to one another, attend church together every Sunday, and are head over heels for each other, and all of our friends know that.
Fiance certainly has female friends at work who are zero threat to me. I’ve met a few of them and they’re such great girls. We are in an LDR and he’s gone to help one of them move apartments and gone out to dinner with all his work friends. FI is a great guy and I think it’s silly to put parameters on our relationship to try to make it “safer.” If he wanted to cheat, he’d find a way regardless of the random rules.
Post # 9
I have but I started business school after we got married so “networking” is half the point of me going back to school. Darling Husband has to meet the guy for me to feel comfortable hanging out with him alone but thats what works for us.
Post # 10
Maybe it’s different because we’re a same-sex couple, but I don’t feel like we have any limits on who we can become friends with. Man, gay woman, whatever. I think we trust each other to make sure there isn’t any inappropriateness going on.
Post # 11
No. We’re all for couple friends. I wouldn’t be too thrilled if Darling Husband met a new woman and decided he needed to be such good friends with her they had to hang out socially, expecially alone. No. I wouldn’t do it either. We like spending time together, or with couple friends. Or he’ll have a guy friend over, etc. It would be inappropriate for him to seek out a woman friend, IMO
Post # 12
I’ve made friends with guys at work, which I think isn’t a big deal. However, I don’t think I would hang out one-on-one with them after hours. I can’t imagine adding a guy as a best friend after getting married, though.
Post # 13
@bookworm88: It’s not about cheating or lack of trust. Of course anyone can cheat and hide it fairly easily, if they want to. That’s a completely different issue.
Just because WE choose to not have friends of the opposite sex does in no way mean we trust each other any less than you trust your Fiance and vice-versa. Nothing or no one would, or even could, threaten our relationship, ever. It’s not about that. For us, it is about DESIRE.
Our favorite thing to do is be alone together. That’s when we both are the happiest. Anything that takes away time from each other just isn’t worth it to us. That’s a huge difference from not trusting each other.
We just do not want to have friends of the opposite sex. They would bore us to tears.
So, if we have the opportunity to be alone together, the last thing either of us would ever want do is waste our time on anyone else. I hope that distinction makes sense.
Post # 14
Nope – wouldn’t do it and wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I just think it has potential to open doors that shouldn’t be opened. I trust my Darling Husband 110% and the odd time hanging out here and there, sure. But making a habit out of it? No. I wouldn’t go down that path either.
Post # 15
@Sunfire: But why would someone’s gender tell you if they would “bore you to tears”? Why is the question “opposite-sex friendships” as opposed to “any new friendships”?
Post # 16
@bookworm88: Because even our same sex friends, family members, whoever, don’t compare, in our eyes, to us being alone together with each other. It’s just how we are.
We are sociable in small doses, but I guess you could say we are also loners who love being alone – together. So everyone kinda bores us compared to each other. It really has nothing to do with gender, at all. I am so not threatened by any other female because I have no need to be. As is he not jealous of any other male, because he knows how I feel for him.
Maybe we’re weird, lol. But this is really just how we are. We are each other’s best friend.