Married for 2 months, already having serious doubts

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Was he doing things like this before you got married? Was he having friends over late and waking you up?

It sounds like before you got married you already knew he wasn’t the “equal” that you wanted him to be.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  _blackbird_.
Post # 3
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

LaEsposa:  I think you need to sit him down and set some ground rules. Honstly, I am not advocating for you leaving him, but it sounds like your husband needs a wake up call. If he doesn’t seriously start acting like a grown up, I’d maybe go stay with some friends and stop supporting him. If he is forced to start taking care of himself, he might grow up.

Post # 4
8387 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

LaEsposa:  Maybe try some couples counseling.  I’m not sure you’ll be able to get him to change if he doesn’t want to.  It sounds like he doesn’t really have much motivation to change, especially if you’re taking care of the bills and he’s been able to use your wedding money to fund whatever habits he has.  Was he the man you wanted him to be at any point before the marriage?  If not, I really don’t understand why you married him.  I agree with the advice you were given by this older person.

Post # 5
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

LaEsposa:  You need to have a very serious conversation about RESPECT.

He is disrespecting you by:

1. Taking your joint money to blow on goodness knows what (I assume you pay the rent and bills right now) without looking for a job to contribute to your joint future.

2. Having people over on your work nights, being loud, waking you, and setting you up for a bad time at work the next day.

3. Talking lewdly about other women (in front of you).

Unemployment can be a difficult and depressing time, but it sounds as if he isn’t trying to escape it. In addition to talking about the above issues, I would start printing classifieds off the internet (or circling them in the paper) for jobs in his field/skill set and leaving them where he will find them. If you want to soften the blow, maybe a cutesy note about “Saw this job and thought you’d love it! <3” or “This posting made me think of you!” type stuff. 

Be prepared for him to lash out. DH was unemployed for a little over a year, but he was actively job hunting in his field. During that time he was not too much fun to be around, because he did not feel like he was being “a man” (aka the breadwinner). Your DH could very well be feeling the same way and just covers his emasculation with partying to distract himself.

Best of luck!

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