Married friend isn't excited with me

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had a somewhat similiar situation.  I met my friend when we were 16 and we’ve always gone through similiar things around the same time.  Family drama, bad boyfriends, abusive boyfriends, fought depression… we literally went to hell and back together.  I live in so-cal and she lives in nor-cal, so we never talked all the time but we still kept in touch.  When I met my FI, she was not happy…and kept telling me I was just gonna get hurt again.  I was bummed, but considering everything we’ve been through…i knew where she was coming from. I have always assumed she would be in my wedding…ALWAYS. After FI and I got engaged, I sent her a txt message..i was sooooo excited. Never heard back from her. To this day I never got a congrats or i’m so happy for you (we’ve been engaged for almost a year).  I was really hurt but shrugged it off.  When I found my wedding dress, I again…text her SUPER excited. Nothing. If i text her with something that doesn’t have to do with me being happy, engaged, or planning a wedding she will respond. But the second I mention any of the above. she stops responding.  To this day it really upsets me, and I finally came to terms with I wouldn’t be able to have her in the wedding and that if she can’t be happy that I’m happy…then that is best.  I still struggle with it considering we’ve been friends for 12 years…but I’m the person that no matter what bad place im in…i am so happy knowing people I love are happy. And I guess she just can’t be happy for me. So I’m sorry you are having this problem with your friend…and I truly hope that she can just be happy for you and that you guys get passed this bump in the road of your friendship. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

if she’s being uninterested it’s possible that its not for the reason you think. Rather than not being excited as you’ve been with him for a while, maybe she’s been struck by ‘self obsessed pregnant woman’ syndrome

 

There is a reason why STFU parents exists, and it’s because pregnancy can take up your entire focus hahaha. im saying this as a pregnant woman myself  before anyone gets cross with me.

 

Things like weddings and other life things end up seeming small potatoes. if this is the case,ideally, she’ll realise this, give herself a mental smack around the face and start being there for you. It might help if you just said “I’m really excited and i’d love it if you could be excited with me” and see what she says

 

@hazyleyedbeauty:  in your situation, your friend just seems to be a jealous bitch

 

Post # 5
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your “friend” sounds a bit jealous – maybe she is having marital issues with her husband! I would be on the look out for that coming up. You just wait and see.

Post # 6
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

@newname_99:  ‘There is a reason why STFU parents exists’

Oh, God–this site is my secret shame! XD

@ the OP, I agree with newname 99–she’s most likely focused on the impending life changes in her life right now, though that doesn’t excuse what sounds like the catty comment she made. I’m sure once you get engaged an start planning, people will become more excited. 

Post # 7
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

She doesn’t sound jealous, or bitter. To me it sounds like she’s trying to be supportive in a “you two are so great together you really ought to be married by now!” girlfriend kind of way, being indignant for you so you don’t have to. I know a lot of people who communicate like this. I would just mention that it’s a bit of a sensitive topic for you and I bet she never speaks like that again.

Post # 8
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It’s just one comment, I would let it go.  Maybe she was having an off day (easy when you’re pregnant!) and didn’t take time to think of a nice way to say it.  If you’ve been dating for a long time and all your friends are married, expect a lot of “Finally!” comments and just let it go.  From the other (married) side it’s hard to remember how difficult it was before our guys got their ish together and we got the ring and the wedding.

Post # 9
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MissRuthie: Watch the situation. I have a friend in a similar situation. They both are married but as her friend got married they started drifting apart. She always comes up with excuses if they cannot hang out and include her husband. I remember she said that her best friend moved and she had no idea where they went. My friend had a baby last new years and her bestie never visited him. In her situation it looks as if the friend is trying to cut ties with her.

Give the friend some more chances. If this is a regular reaction well… i’m sorry for that. I believe that most of the folks in your life will still be happy for your union.

Post # 10
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

i feel ya. My bestie got married a year and a half ago and had a kid already and she hasn’t made it easy for me. You would think they all would know/realize what it was like for them and wouldn’t make it so damn difficult. 

Post # 11
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

If anything, it’s because she isn’t happy and wants to dump her negative feelings on you. Misery loves company.

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