Post # 1
Okay, despite the drama llama title, this isn’t going to be a dramatic thread (hopefully!)
In my experience, if a straight man is married, and has single female friends (like coworkers, for example), those friends make an effort to get to know his wife. Kind of like, you can only really be friends with a married person of the opposite gender if you’re friends with you get to know their spouse too. (maybe “friends” was too strong a word.)
Is this the case for most people, or am I the odd one out?
ETA: In the scenario as it stands, you can assume that the wife has reached out to try to befriend the single woman.
Post # 3
Like, actual friends who hang out and call each other, or like civil at a party where we’re all together? Because I have friends who are male, and none of them have ever forced their girlfriends down my throat. I meet them, sure, but only on double dates or at parties or something. We never consider each other “friends”. I would probably be offended if my friendship with a guy (or girl, for that matter) was suddenly made conditional by the arrival of their significant other. “I get that you’ve known each other since the ninth grade, and I’ve only just come into his life, but I’m sorry, you can no longer hang out unless I approve of you”. No.
EDIT: I see you’ve added a poll, but not included any option for women who are friendly with men that do not simply “ignore” their wives. That’s a tad biased and offensive, don’t you think? Just because I wouldn’t want to be her best friend doesn’t mean I’d straight-up ignore her, either.
Post # 4
@deliciousappleblue: Civil to each other. I’m not talking BFFs. I’m talking, make small talk, say hello when the wife enters the room, making eye contact.
Post # 5
hmm i don’t think fi has any single female friends. my single male friends always talk friendly with fi when we’re all together though.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Do you mean single, like, unattached, or just unmarried? I’ve hung out with all of his female friends who are in couples (double dates, because we love those!), although he sometimes hangs out with them without me. Most of his completely single female friends are colleagues, and I don’t really have anything to talk to them bout practice building, and I’ve never hung out with them (except at association holiday parties), nor do I find it weird.
Post # 7
@ddw: Oh, well that’s fine then. I can’t imagine having any reason not to at least meet and have a conversation with his girlfriend or wife. Then again, I’ve never been in the situation where the chick resented our friendship, so probably that would change my answer. If she was jealous or bitchy, then yeah, I’d ignore her. 🙂
Post # 8
We only have mutual friends, so I voted “other.” 🙂 We’re weird, so my opinion isn’t going to be what most people do, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my husband hanging out alone with any single women. There’s very few married women I would feel comfortable with my husband hanging out alone with, and even then, there had better be a very good reason why I’m not there (like I declined; it wouldn’t fly for us if they made plans without me). My husband feels the same way.
Post # 9
I have not had that experience, but then, the only time I dealt with this was when we were engaged. There was a girl who had it bad for Hubs, and would go out of her way to flirt with him, text him, anything to get his attention when we were dating and engaged. We often went snowboarding with the same group and she would say things like “Mr. Symphony, my mom told me I’m not to leave your side!” (mind, she was 26.) That kind of behavior triggers the “I don’t care who your momma is, or what your momma says, I will personally ESCORT you from his side, because this ring on my finger says I can.” attitude in me…. She would be snarky to me when he wasn’t around, and I told hubs I was not a fan of this girl, which he assured me was also the case with him as well.
Aside from that, he’s not a super social person so it’s not something we deal with much.
Post # 10
This question is confusing! I’m not sure i understand. Most of our friends are mutual, mostly couples, but they were all FI’s friends before we met and I’ve been introduced and accepted into the family 🙂 At work, he does have at least one single female friend, and he has invited me to the after work dinners/bars and we are very friendly. But I also think that people should have separate friends. My girlfriends from college are nice, but I don’t think Fiance wants to hang out with them, and I kinda want my own time.
I’ve never been in a situation where a single friend of Fi’s was not civil to me.
Post # 11
Okay, the background: My husband teaches, so most of his colleagues are women, many of those who are our age are single. All but one have made a great effort to get to know me, tell him to say hi, stuff like that. But one, who is new this year, flat out ignores me, shrugs and turns away when I try to make conversation, etc.
She’s kind of an awkward person in general, but I feel like she’s being rude to me when I’ve tried to get to know her – she’s new to the area and doesn’t have a lot of friends, so I’ve tried on a couple occassions to be really friendly and make her feel welcome, and got the cold shoulder in response. (example, first time I ever met her, I said, “How are you liking DC?” she literally snorted, shrugged, and walked away.)
Husband’s reaction? “Oh, she’s just kind of like that” but he does agree that it’s weird, and that most of his female friends don’t act that way. I’m not afraid anything will happen, it just seems … rude.
Post # 12
I’m kind of torn between she should be friends with the wife also, and you can’t generalize. It seems strange to me that she wouldn’t want to be somewhat of a friend with the wife just at least to avoid awkwardness. I don’t know. I guess everyone is different.
Post # 13
@ddw: I know that not every situation is like this, but I will tell you a little story. My now Darling Husband, had this “friend”. I never met her she was from work. She would text and him and stuff. Sometimes they would go to lunch and what not. I didnt’ ever think much of it. I had a straight bridesman for heavens sake! Then one night Dh’s cell goes off and he shouts who is it? So I pick it up and tell him it’s a text from the “friend”. It’s a drunk text. Alluding to “leave Melissa for me and it will be the best BJ you’ve ever had” I freak out. Darling Husband starts to tell me that she does this all the time and he has told her to stop. Eventually showing me a series of texts like this from her with his reply to stop and he loves me blah blah.
This was a huge issue with me 1) He shouldn’t have maintained the friendship if she was disrespecting his requests and our relationship and 2) He should have told me. Anywho, it all worked out. For other reasons Darling Husband switched jobs and hasn’t talked to her since. I will admit. I have checked his phone records to make sure. I know it’s wrong but obviously I had a little trust issue for awhile
Post # 14
@mwitter80: I don’t think she’s come on to him or anything. For one thing, he’s open with me about it – if she gchats him in the evening, he’ll move over so that I can read their conversation (which is totally something we do – tell each other what to say to people on gchat, because we think it’s hilarious, and those who really know us call us out on it because they can tell whose words are whose), and he always tells me if he walked home with her or something (his walk used to go the same direction as hers, until we moved).
I just don’t get why she’s so rude to me – like, did I do something to piss her off? I have no idea!
Post # 15
So she is new to your area? Maybe she is just unhappy to be there in general. Is she like this to other people, too, or just to you?
Are her and your husband really friends, or is he just friendly to her because they work together? If I am friends with someone, I am definitely curious to meet their significant other.
Post # 16
On the flip side, the wife should try to befriend the friends and it sounds like you are doing that. Sounds like this one woman just had no manners and is rude. I make small talk but i don’t usually go out of my way….it’s not really my personality.