Married now – Should I throw out stuff from old boyfriend(s)?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Don’t worry! I’m one of those sentimental sorts, too. So I keep pretty much everything ever; especially if I’ve got positive memories associated with it. So…I don’t think you should throw things out, but I think it depends a lot on how your husband truly feels about it. Does he understand that these things are important to you, or is it more of a “My way or the highway” mentality?

Honestly, I would not be comfortable if someone wanted me to pretend my past never happened, but it really depends on what you’re comfortable with.

Post # 4
Member
10833 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve been married over a year and still have letters and pictures and my previous engagement ring from ex FI. I have no intentions of getting rid of these things either, it was a part of my life a big part. Even if that part ended I don’t see a reason to hide it. A lot of it was fantastic and it was my early 20’s so I want to remember it all even if part of it involved someone I no longer care about the way I used to. I miss those days and like looking back on them not because of who I was with but because of who I was, that time of my life and the carefree age of 21.

Post # 6
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yes.

Post # 7
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I would through out extra personal stuff like pictures of you kissing or love notes, yes. I would keep nondescript/unsentimental gifts, like books. You don’t have to pretend that part of your life never happened, but he’s no longer the biggest part of your life and you’re not in a relationship anymore, so I don’t see the point in keeping items that remind you of how much he loved you/you loved him/in love you both were.

Post # 8
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I completely agree with FatherTed. Books, DVDs, saucepans – fine. Sentimental/romantic stuff should go. I don’t see the point in hanging on to sentimental keepsakes from past relationships. I know that people tend to have different opinions on this sort of thing but I think that those relationships are over for a reason and that if you’re committed to your current relationship then there should be no problem in letting all that old stuff go. I personally wouldn’t want to keep anything to remind me of my exes. I also would be really hurt if my partner had kept romantic photos of him and his ex. I would be worried that he wasn’t over the ex and it would be a major issue for me. I can understand why your husband was upset. Try and put yourself in his position – if you saw a picture of him kissing someone else could you honestly say that you wouldn’t at least feel slightly uncomfortable? I know that everyone feels differently about this sort of thing but it clearly is a problem for your husband and I think that his feelings should take priority over your keepsakes.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@FatherTed:  This.

It’s one thing keeping bits and pieces that you like anyway, but a picture of you kissing is going too far. Would you really be ok with finding a picture of him all over an ex that he’d carefully kept tucked away?

Post # 10
Member
1234 posts
Bumble bee

@Sunshine09:   I hold on to sentimental stuff. I have a box full of it. I imagine going through it with my daughter one day and telling her stories off high school romances- and maybe it will help her realize that no matter how much they say “forever”, it doesn’t always mean, “forever.” Personally, I think if you want to keep sentimental items from exes, they should go in a box in the attic or a storage room, somewhere out of the way where your husband isn’t faced with them. People have pasts, and pasts come with pictures and stuff, but I think as long as they’re out of the way they’re no big deal. However, I would definitely have a calm conversation with your husband about it and come up with a compromise. Maybe he’ll let you keep them if you have a reason like I do (teaching your future daughter about love), but if you’re keeping pictures like that just for the sake of it, you may need to toss them because all they will do is drive a wedge between you and your husband.

Post # 11
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

What good does holding onto them do? Reminiscing about a part of your life that, in theory, no longer holds the definition of love and romance for you should not trump the feelings of your husband. I fail to see what sentimental value kissing photos would hold, save to serve as a reminder to your husband that you banged other dudes before him.

Post # 12
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I woud throw them out (and I did). I honestly think that holding on to stuff like that is pointless and inappropriate. I can we understand your husband’s point of virw. My FI got rid of everything except for books and CDs after we moved in together.

Post # 13
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

I threw everything out when we moved in together. What’s the point in keeping it? I get a little sentimental too, but more so when it comes to family or close friends. But my exes and I broke up for a reason, so I don’t have any use for all of those letters, pictures, dried flowers, etc. 

Post # 14
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Not the stuff that is practical and worth keeping – DH has a picnic blanket from an ex that we use all the time. It’s fleece on one side and vinyl (maybe?) on the other. It’s great for the beach, picnics, etc. Pictures and stuff like that? Yes, toss that out of respect for your DH.

Post # 15
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I burned all the pictures of my ex and I. No point in keeping them around when I have someone 100 times better.

Post # 16
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@FatherTed:  +1

I did this almost immediately after the break up to help me heal. I didn’t want reminders about how much we loved each other. Reading notes or seeing pictures wouldn’t make me feel good.

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