Post # 1
I was out at happy hour last night, and one of the girls stated plainly, “Everyone knows that married people don’t have sex.” She went on to say that NONE of her married friends have regular sex. It stung a little because this is something I worry (obsess?) about. I can’t imagine a life without regular sex and have considered not having sex a downside to having kids. (Evil, I know.) It’s not the first time I’ve heard this but I hear it so much, it seems like a fact.
Bees, do you worry about your bedroom life going downhill? Married bees, is it true? (Say no)
Post # 3
Sadly to say but for me it has… Darling Husband is tired all the time now… He used to be all for sex all the time and now it is the opposite. He did get a new job that could be the problem. He went from working a desk job to construction. However I think that sometimes he just doesn’t want to anymore… We went from having sex at least once almost every day to once maybe twice a week. So depressing.
Post # 4
It’s not necessarily true.
Once kids come along you’re just plain old tired. Depending on how your body bounced back (or not) you may not feel as sexy. Not to mention, you can’t make a scene in front of or within earshot of the kids. In general, before marriage, you make more of an effort to keep those flames alive. Once you’re married, life happens. However, if you keep up the effort, you’ll keep up the sex life. It’s just harder to keep up that effort with kids, working long hours, aging, etc. but it’s not impossible.
Post # 5
For us this was not at all true. We already live together, having that ceremony does not suddenly stop your sex life and anyone who says so is being pretty ridiculous. Kids I can see being a slightly different story just because it becomes logistically difficult. But the married couples who are having regular sex don’t feel the need to broadcast that, you only really hear from the ones who don’t have sex anymore and need something to blame it on.
Of course normal life events can take their toll on your sex life – deaths in the family, tired from being overworked, etc. But this would happen regardless of whether or not you’re married, your marriage ceremony isn’t to blame if your sex life does slow down.
Post # 6
ugh I am soooo scared of this!! I honestly don’t think I could go the rest of my life with little to no sex.
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s married people who stop having sex, it’s TIRED people. When we started living together, Fi and I stopped having sex as frequently because all of a sudden you’re making dinner every night, cleaning every weekend, doing laundry, trying to spend quality time before bed… you don’t always have time for everything.
Post # 8
I’m torn on my answer to this. We’ve lived together for a little over four years now. Our sex life did start to get worse when we first started living together but honestly, I think it was the BC pill I was on and financial stress. And actually, since getting married, things have changed and our sex life has started to go right back up very rapidly (I’ve been off the pill for a few months plus my stress level has plummeted due to new job situations). So I agree that it’s not marriage, it’s being tired and stressed.
Post # 9
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: This is so true for us too.
My BC pill and job stress don’t help matters either.
Post # 10
I think you’ll probably have a good 25 years or so of a good sex life as long as you work at it. If it dies off pretty early in your marriage, I’d be looking at all the reasons why and fix it.
Post # 11
I agree with the girls who said their BC pills affect it – I stopped taking the pill and we switched over to condoms about a month ago because I was finding that I was just never in the mood, and that I was often dry enough that sex was very painful. I stopped taking it and that has made a huge difference for our sex life.
Post # 12
It’s definitely true. Tired people do not have sex. Every time I try to initiate and he says no, it’s because he is tired. It’s super frustrating, but understandable.
Post # 13
@Miss Olive: And that’s exactly why people set their alarms a little early. Nice way to start a day. 😛
Post # 14
Ha! If I was in your shoes my reply would have been I bet I get it more than you!
Post # 15
The other piece which many of us can’t respond to is time. Not only the reasons people gave above, but once you have been married for 10+ years things change as well and most of us have not been there yet.
I do think it is something that needs to be worked on by both sides and talked about. What do you both consider “enough” so that one is satisfied and another isnt.
Post # 16
@MrsLongcoatPeacoat: Yup I have to agree with this. Fiance and I still have sex regularly, not as often as when we were young college kids. 😉 I’m on the pill, which probably doesn’t help , but honestly…. it’s the long hours at work plus keeping up with all the chores (cooking/cleaning,etc). We’re both just tired allll the time. We try to make up for it on the weekends, but oftentimes the weekends are jam packed with plans (even moreso with wedding planning).