(Closed) Married, went on honeymoon….but worried about what happened (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Weddings are stressful and honestly so are vacations. I’m sorry you didn’t have the best honeymoon, but soon everything will be better once the messes are gone, the bills are paid and you’re back to normal.

Post # 4
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am sorry that this happened and feel for you guys πŸ™ it’s not the best situation to be in. Did you guys have any sort of counseling for the sex issues before the wedding? Just wondering here. 

I think maybe a big thing that caused a lot of issues here was expectations. Everyone expects their wedding and honeymoon to be perfect. When it’s not I think emotions get high and people get upset and the garbage comes out. 

I am not married yet but soon will be. It sounds like you guys will be ok… IF you resolve this now. I am glad you’ve admitted what was your fault and are wanting things to be better and your new wife seems to want the same thing… that’s huge! 

In all my counseling experiences with my fiance, we have our issues, but sometimes pulling someone unbiased and willing to help into the situation can help loads. I think you guys should consider seeing a professional counsellor to help work through what happened and how to restore your marriage and happiness. It CAN happen. Trust me, been there done that. My fiance and I are now fine but we may not have been if we hadn’t received help from our pastor. There is hope! 

Post # 5
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Marriage is full of ups and downs.  You have to deal with the other person’s moods that you cannot always anticipate.  Yup it can be hard at times, when you expect things to go one way and they go another.  The thing is, when your partner does something to upset you, and then apologizes and means it, the best route is to accept that apology and move on.  You kind of have to, unless you want to be miserable.

Post # 6
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can’t imagine that this ISN”T the norm after a wedding. You were stressed, tired, you spent way too much time in the car, and the rollercoaster of wedding planning is suddenly over and now life is supposed to SNAP! go back to normal.

Give it a few days. Start slowly unpacking and finishing the laundry, get something good to eat, and begin cleaning up. Once your chores are done, I bet you will start to feel better – both of you.

As for the sex stuff, I think that a lot of couples put a lot of pressure to have ‘perfect sex’ on their wedding night/honeymoon nights. Don’t let that ruin the experience of the honey moon. If you are having issues as a couple in that area, try to go see someone! Or start talking it out without yelling. You can make it…if you both didn’t want to be together and make it work, you never would have exchanged vows.

Post # 7
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

We had a HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE fight on our wedding night. And then again after one month. I mean these were FULL ON BLOW OUT WARS. We weren’t even like this before the wedding! We had aboslutely NO memorable wedding night. And infact our ‘so-called’ honeymoon period was riddled with arguments, anger, resentment, etc. etc.

We were ready to call it off BOTH those times. OMG! It was INSANE!!!!!!!

But here we are now… 2 months total since the wedding and we couldn’t be happier. They WERE wedding related stresses. Even though we were fighting about ourselves, our sex lives, etc. I realized that we both had pent-up anger from the people and events from our wedding. We were totally compressed during the last little while of the wedding. And just took it out on each other. The honeymoon is supposed to be the ‘decompressor’, however as you can see, it doesn’t always work that way.

You will be FINE. Just leave it all in the past and live from this moment onwards. You BOTH will feel ashamed and embarrassed of these fights in the near future. Because these are totally ridiculous fights. When I read your post, I felt like I could have written it.

Post # 8
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Im so sorry that you are having these issues… I think Stress is a major factor and it has been proven that you too can talk about it and move forward so I would talk to her about it again.

HUGS AND GOOD LUCK

 

Post # 9
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

No such thing as a perfect wedding and perfect wedding night sex πŸ™‚

Keep communication lines open and focus on forgiving and forgetting. Some time when you guys have a better grip on your sexual issues and your new relationship dynamics, maybe you can plan a little get a way and do a “do over” of the honeymoon.

Post # 10
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

@SimplyChic11: I think you hit it on the head: expectations, when not met, can be the biggest firestarter of anything. 

I’d chalk it up to stresses from the wedding and pressures you’re putting on yourself and each other due to those aforementioned expectations. Communicate with each other and respect boundaries–if one says “I’m too stressed to talk about it, I’m overwhelmed” the other needs to respect that. Disappointment sucks, but it’s all about how we react to a perceived situation and, usually, it’s not the other person’s fault at all because when we building this expectations, we seldom communicate them much less get the other person to agree to them.

Good luck, deep breaths, and keep talking to those counselors. You’ll make it πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m glad you are feeling better. No need to pressure yourself to have perfect sex. You have a long life together ahead of you. Plenty of time for outfits etc, don’t worry about it πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yay! I am so glad you guys are doing better. Have a wonderful start to your marriage πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ 

Post # 14
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Aw, I just wanted to give you giant (((hugs))). Our wedding was definitely stressful (I started crying on the way to the venue with my mom driving me [NOT happy crying]). My wife & I both passed out the night of the wedding when we got to the hotel because we were so exhausted. πŸ™‚ I’m glad you both talked and worked it out.

Post # 15
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

I was so exhausted after our wedding and 9 hour flight to the honey moon we spent most evenings watching csi and eating wotsits in bed lol.  It was not very romantic at all or playing chess in the bar.  As I’ve said before I got married very young and it took me quite some time to adjust to being a wife!  Needless to say we have the best sex ever now, so chin up, it was just the stress.  Now you’ve had the first big husband and wife argument you can settle in to happy life together!!

Post # 16
Member
7427 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Thanks for posting this. I think its health to remember that after the wedding, the real work begins. I think you’ve received some great advice. Best of luck to you moving forward.

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