Found out my ex got married.....
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Found out my ex got married.....
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Who sets up the candy buffet?

Married women- Did marriage make you guys closer?

posted 1 year ago in Newlyweds
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    Sugar bee
    Tswife4ever    May 28, 2011   California

    Curious.

     
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    Miss Elephant    June 20, 2010   PDX, Oregon

    we'd already been together for over 10 years (since sophomore year of high school) and living together for about 6. so... not really. but he has been a little bit sweeter than before. i even got flowers a couple weeks ago and i don't remember the last time he gave me flowers! so i guess there really is a "honeymoon stage" no matter how long you've been together!

     
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    JsDragonfly    December 29, 2009  

    Yep...it was scary how quick it happened (that we became closer).  By the time we got married, we had already gone through one deployment, 1 1/2 years of an LDR, so we had a lot of opportunity to really strengthen our relationship and grow closer.  While our LDR before the wedding was hard, it was like something snapped when we got married.  Being apart from him became unbearable and very hard to handle (he left a week after the wedding..seen him twice and we've been married almost 7 months).  I think for me, even though I 110% trusted him, once became married it was like, "Ok...the real deal has FINALLY happened.  I can let down that one last emotional barrier."  Once I let that barrier down...I don't know, I can't even begin to describe the intense closeness I felt to him.  And we were already very emotional tied together, committed, etc.  The only way I can think of to describe it is this; every day I wake up, I love my husband more.  Whether it's because he did something sweet, he's just being himself, whatever...my love for him grows.  It's also that way for our closeness.  Each day we become closer and closer.

     
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    Sugar bee
    hermitcrab    June 2010   NYC

     I think in some way, yes

     
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    Bumble bee
    mountain.bride    December 12, 2009   Australia

    I would say yes too, even though after living together for 7 years I wouldn't have expected it. I wasn't consciously keeping anything from him, there were no obvious barriers or anything between us. But since the wedding there's been a real sense of total openness and intimacy...like this is my husband and we are in this together and I can show him any part of me and it won't change that. It is liberating and comforting and safe all at once. Very hard to explain especially as I wasn't expecting it, but it's a nice feeling :)

     
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    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Meh aside from the daily-interaction part that came in about 6 months after we got married, not really. But we still feel the same emotionally. It seems we're the odd man out. 

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    I don't think so either.  We have been through a lot and already lived together for 5 years.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    JoesWifey    May 24, 2009   NYC/Wedding in Indiana

    Yes, in a way similar to what mountain.bride said. We had been together 5 years before the wedding, 1 of those years living together after 3 years of LDR, and it did have a new feeling to it that I didn't really expect. I just feel we're more of a team. It's not a huge difference, just kind of subltle and hard to describe. It isn't as noticable now that we've been married over a year now though. DH has said it seems the same to him though :p lol

     
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    guitargirl    October 2009   Ohio

    Yes.  We didn't live together and so many things changed (in a good way).  The most tangible way I can describe is this feeling of family.  That family are the people you can totally let down your guard with, wear the glasses, no makeup, crappy clothes look, be PMSing and it's all ok.  I am amazed at how much that switched from my parents and siblings to FH.  Before we got married, I had a little bit of trouble traveling with him, that I couldn't 100% relax and have him be my comfort, and now I can.  That's a little jarbled, but the answer is yes, we are definitely closer.

     
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    bakerella    September 11, 2010   Toronto, ON

    @JsDragonfly: That's beautiful!

    This is such an interesting thread, I love reading all the responses because this is a question I've wondered about myself. Some of our friends said yes they felt closer after they married, some said they stayed the same. FI expects things to be the same (we've been together for 5 years, living together for most of it), but I think it will be different. I think it'll be that sense of family that you guys have mentioned and finally being able to let that one last emotional barrier down.

     
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    MrsSl82be    October 24, 2009  

    We had already been through a lot together in the years we had been together, but yes in some ways I do feel closer to him.  Things just feel way more permanent and open between us then they did before we were marreid

     
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    nona49    June 5, 2010  

    Yes.  As soon as we had our ceremony, I felt a change.  I feel much closer to him, as if now we are a unit--a team.  It is us against the world.  He is my family.  I feel like I love him more than I did before we got married.  I feel safer in our relationship than I did before, too; as if we are stronger in our relationship than before (and we were always really tightly bound to each other before too).  I am so proud to call myself his WIFE.  It feels so different/better than saying I am his girlfriend or even fiance--it just carries much more weight.

    I don't know if it has anything to do with the fact that we didn't live together before getting married.  We closed on our house a week after we got married, so now are in our beautiful starter home.  Also, our engagement was about 4 months long, so maybe there's still leftover BLISS from the engagement too :o) IDK

     
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    Buzzing bee
    bloodgo1    May 14, 2010   Royal Oak

    We had been together for almost 6 years before the wedding and we even lived together for about a year and a half before the wedding but there is still something about just being married that makes us feel closer somehow. I can't really explain it, but there's definitely that official feeling of "family unity" that was there before in someway, but not quite as intensely. Does that make any sense what so ever? lol

     
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    Sugar bee
    daniellemybelle    June 19, 2010   Baltimore, MD

    Absolutely. I didn't expect it, and at first I kept saying, "Do you feel different? I don't feel any different!" but it kind of crept up on us! 

     
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    Buzzing bee
    bluespurrs    August 7, 2009   South-central PA, USA, Earth

    I would have to say not. I think we were closer before we got married.

     
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    Honey bee
    amariem25    October 2009  

    yes, but not really in ways you would expect.  i think it has made us more intimate and just more connected.  

     
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    hisbunny    March 13, 2010   ND

    Yes it most definitely did, we were in a LDR until we got married, and the fact that we were together, having sex for the first time, and married with the license solidified our commitment to each other.  

     
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    mrstilly    May 15, 2010   Ithaca, NY

    Our day to day is very much the same. We lived together for about 9 months prior to the wedding, so we had our routine down pretty well. There was definitely a feeling that now we were finally married, we really were together forever and had each other to rely on, trust and turn to before anyone else. It's a great feeling.

     
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    MaybeeBecca    August 22, 2009   Kansas City, MO

    I would say yes. We didn't live together before we were married, so in our first year we've gone through the transition of living together, a move half-way across the country, and a lot of wrestling over issues in our lives and what we want to do, who we are, etc. It's been rough. But at the same time, even just recently, I've noticed a closeness and openness that's developed as we've weathered all that together and stayed committed to eachother. I think, for us at least, it's been gradual, but we're growing closer for sure (and it's only been a year!)

     
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    Buzzing bee
    egb    January 2010  

    Yes, however, there was a bigger difference between being in a relationship and being engaged, than between being engaged to being married, if that makes any sense.

    When we decided to get engaged, it was the day we decided we would be committed to each other forever, getting married confirmed that but the promise was already there.

     
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    mystery166    May 2010  

    I def. think it did, it has made us realize that we need to be kinder to each other and that we made a life long commitment to each other.  Before we got married we would argue and be ready to end it, but now it is just not that simple.  I think we have accepted out differences and love each other because of them

     
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    Bumble bee
    lemondrop    March 13, 2010   Arizona

    Yes, even though we have been together for seven years, we are closer now than ever.  We are even more of a team now than before, and I thought things were good before- they are even better now!

     
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    Busy bee
    andreaandchinelo    09/04/2009   dc

    not really.  there was nothing that I can pinpoint that I felt we were "closer" now that we are married...but then again we had been freinds since college and together for 7 years after college so any closer and I think we'd be one person :) no...j/k...

     
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    Helper bee
    TwinkleToesJMU    July 3, 2010  

    Nope, we didnt feel any different after getting married. We were very close before the wedding, and remain very close afterwards.

     
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    Busy bee
    meganmp1    January 24, 2009   Seattle, WA

    Hands down yes.  We didn't notice it at first, but after about a year we have.  There's just something different and more comfortable about being married than if you are simply dating/engaged and living together.

     
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    Busy bee
    ZoeKat    July 2010  

    Actually, I think it is. A little bit. We have been together for 9 years and lived together for 5 of those years, so really not much has changed. But it does feel like we are a little bit closer. I can't really explain it. Sometimes we'll be sitting on the couch watching a movie, and when we look at each other to talk or laugh, we make eye contact just a little bit longer. That sounds silly, but I've noticed it since our wedding.

     

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