Post # 1
Kind of a question and kind of a statement…my husband and I have been married for just over a month and we are a little bit older (I am 29, he is 38) and I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me when we are having a baby! At the wedding reception, during my husband’s speech, he said he would still be there for his family, and that hasn’t changed since he got married…his mother felt the need to SHOUT that she wanted a grand-baby (not the last time I heard this at the wedding either). This is just one of many examples.
My question is: are other people getting this too? Is it because we are a little older? I have the feeling that we are not the only people that must be hearing this, but I also think I might be a little overly sensitive to this as well.
Post # 3
You’re probably a little sensitive to it, but it could be a variety of reasons. My older brother is having a baby this fall – my parents’ first grandbaby. My in-laws’ daughter had a girl 6 months ago, so they’re still doting over her and head-over-heels. My husband and I are a little bit younger than you and your husband, but given our family and local culture, we’re actually considered a little ‘older’ to be having a family for the first time.
You know – the only person who has actually brought up us having kids is my husband’s grandma, who has made a comment or two every time we’ve seen her lately. I found that a, “There are enough kids in the family!” has been a tactful way to shut it down. Everyone else is too absorbed in the new babies to care whether or not we’re breeding.
I talked to my husband about being on the same page. I told him I didn’t want to talk about whether or not we’re TTC (we are) with either of our families. My other favorite go-to line has been, “We’re fine with our lives just the way they are. We have the freedom to do whatever we feel like,” which has usually warranted a, “You’re right, enjoy it,” and that’s the end of it.
No matter what, it’s rude for people to ask. For all they know, you or your husband are unable to have kids – and asking about it so persistently is twisting a knife.
Post # 4
My in-laws were mentioning babies even before the wedding and at that point it was really stressing me out to the point that I snapped back a reply and since then it’s been quite. Also, I told my DH to tell them to stop when they make those sorts of comments because it really puts me off of having children.
I don’t mind the occasional joke, but it was constant and annoying. My in-laws are 62 and 65 and therefore think that because their friends have grandkids, they need grandkids and we’re behind on giving them this! My DH is going to be 32 in July and I just turned 24. So, I don’t think it’s about age 😛
Hopefully it’ll die down soon!!
Post # 5
We got married at 24 and were being asked that question three months in. I think it’s inevitable. 🙁 And way too personal, if you ask me.
Post # 6
My MIL definitely didn’t say it at the wedding, and we really haven’t been having too many people approach us except co-workers, but both of DH’s grandparents and mom have thrown in the “pitter patter of little feet” line when we talk or “I hope I will be a grandma soon…” We are 25 and 28.
I don’t think it is rude to ask because that is usually what you do after marriage but it is definitely awkward to try to answer that question. It’s like, “Uhh we just got married? Can’t be enjoy that for a day or two?!”
Post # 7
oh we get it all the time and we’re 24.
after a while (and usually a drink or two since Im not that badass), I started asking people if they would like to just come on over and watch us “practice” one night and if they had any tips…
I got some of the best looks from them. They didn’t even know what to say. but they stopped asking.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center
We already get it! I’m 27, he’s 29. His (male) cousin asked if we’d be trying for babies on the honeymoon a couple weeks ago – Awkward! And a year ago we had just bought a house when a friend (again, male) asked if kids were next (the answer to that one – nope, gotta get married first!). People just get excited, I think. I’m not looking forward to the increase in questions after the wedding though.
I am glad I learned early that asking a question like that might be a sensitive topic. My cousin isn’t sure if she’ll be able to have kids, so when she got married 5 years ago, I’m sure she got lots of uncomfortable questions about it. Thankfully I knew to keep my mouth shut, especially since they still don’t have kids. And whether it is by choice or not, it is none of my business! So asking if someone can have kids is not only rude, it can be pretty hurtful.
Post # 9
@cooperlove: I like your response to people!! I don’t think I’d be able to say that to my in-laws though! lol
Post # 10
We’re hearing it now and the wedding isn’t for a year. Oh, and I have my tubes tied, and he hates children even more than I do. I want to know what kind of asshole wolves raised these people that they think it’s ok to pry into our personal lives. It’s funny because we were JUST talking about this last night. And I’ve decided (with fiance’s full approval) that every time someone asks that question from now on, I’ll get fake teary and sniffle “I’m infertile” and get choked up. I have a feeling that crap will stop fast. The only problem will be keeping him from bursting out laughing.
Post # 11
@FutureMrsDR: Don’t worry about it AT ALL! My FMIL (F) being the key letter there, and I got into it at Christmas because I said I didn’t want children right away after our (at the time over 8 months away wedding!) That’s right, not even married yet! (Not to mention, I’m 23.)
But that’s not even the beginning. His friends and family were talking about “the twins” a few months after we had met for God sakes! Not even engaged. But unfortunately I live in an area where you’re not accomplishing anything if you’re not popping out babies.
Not to say I don’t want kids, of course I do. But I would like to be married first if that’s cool with everyone else. And maybe even, if they can stand it, married for a couple of years to the point where our finances are strong and stable and we’ve had some time to enjoy our marriage. I know. It’s crazy right? What am I thinking?!
Post # 12
@Emma20130601: no, I havent said it to family yet. WAY too chicken! I’m also not usually drinking around them 🙂
Post # 13
@cruziiq: obviously you didn’t get the memo that we’re supposed to have like 3 kids (extra points for more than one baby daddy!) but this time right!? 🙂
Post # 14
We’re getting it and we’re not even married yet. I think its because I’m 34 and he’s 53 people feel we are at the end of the rope when it comes to having children. When I tell people I’m CFC, the questions stop.
Fortunately my mother has never longed for a grandchild so its coming from everywhere else.
Post # 15
I got it as soon as DH and I got engaged… and I was 21. I was like “Can I get married first?!? Jeez!”
DH and I still aren’t even sure i we want kids. I’m 23 and he’s 24 now. We’re not planning on even really worying about making that decision until I’m at least 28 or 29.
Thankully, our parents haven’t been the ones asking those questions. They want us to enjoy our marriage and probably won’t start bothering us until we’re in our late 20’s.
Post # 16
We’re 26/27 and get that alll the time, even though we’re in noooo position financially to support a child yet!