Post # 1
I’m wondering what people think about having a posthumous wedding. It means to legally marry a deceased person. I call myself a widow but my husband and I were engaged when he passed away suddenly. We were together 6 years and have a 3 year old son. Posthumous weddings are legal in France. What would you think if you heard of one of your friends doing this? Honestly I’m scared to tell anyone I’m thinking of doing it as they may think I’m crazy
Post # 2
As far as I know, deceased people cannot contract with others. I guess if it’s legal where you are, go for it. But it seems fraught with potential issues to me.
eta: I vote “no”
Post # 3
luvingbee: I am so sorry for your loss.
As far as a Posthumous wedding, I have not been in your situation and I am no grief counsellor, but it doesn’t sound like it will be necessarily healthy for you. If I was a relative, I wouldn’t think you were crazy but I would be concerned about how you were dealing with your grief.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
I wonder what purpose doing this would actually serve. It sounds like you are still grieving, and rightfully so, I can’t imagine losing my FI, but I think it would be in the best interest of your son to live for the future and not the past. Have you considered/gone to counseling to help deal with your loss?
Post # 5
Seems pretty wrong because the deceased is not able to commit of his/her own free will. The deceased can’t change their mind; they don’t seem to have any say in things.
Post # 6
luvingbee: I don’t think that committing yourself permanently to a deceased person sounds healthy.
Post # 7
Yeah I’d also have to say no… a dead person cannot give an opinion, and even if the people were engaged beforehand things could have changed before the were married so it’s not guaranteed.
OP in your situation I think that saying that he is your late husband is reasonable because in many places you would be considered common law.
Post # 8
Honestly, yes, I would think it “crazy” for lack of a better work. I’m so sorry for your lose and cannot even begin to imagine what you’re going through. However, he was your FI and died as such. Unfortunately the legal marriage didn’t happen and he wasn’t a “husband”, but either way, he was the father of your child and someone you loved. Nothing will change that, and his status as FI or husband doesn’t matter at this point imo.
Post # 9
I don’t think that it would be the most emotionally healthy thing to do.
THe loss you have gone through is inexplicably heartbreaking and I think that. You know yourself better than I do, but I think that you need to focus on letting go. Nothing, not even death, will ever change the love you shared when he was alive. You have a beautiful child together as a token of your time as a couple. Love your situation for what it was instead of grieving what never quite happened and wallowing in the regrets.
Post # 10
OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to go through something like that. I think you, and you alone, know what you should do to properly grieve your husband. I think if becoming legally married helps you do that, then it’s not ‘crazy’, even if it’s unconventional.
Having said all of that though, I do have concerns from two aspects. One is that even though he must have loved you so much, he can’t actually give his consent to marry you. I also wonder if he would have wanted you to do something like this, rather than honoring him in your heart, in your child together, and the way you live your every day. I don’t think a piece of paper will change that.
Post # 11
I cannot imagine this would be legal in the sense that it would be legally binding for inheritance purposes, for example. Could you marry someone you had never met? Someone who preceeded you in death by decades or even centuries? It makes no sense whatsoever.
However, regarding this issue, ask yourself what your SO would want for you. I don’t mean to presume, but he propbably loved you so much that to see you literally marrying yourself to the past would sadden him deeply. The living must move forward. They can carry the dead in memories but not in any literal way. Literally tying yourself to the past is not healthy for either you or your son.
Post # 12
Thankyou everyone. It’s only been 4 months
Post # 13
luvingbee: Could you explain your motivations for wanting to do it? It might give other people an insight into why you would consider what to most people might seem like a “crazy” thing to do?
Maybe writing out why would help you as well?
Post # 14
Unlike other bees, I think there is nothing wrong with remaining committed to your partner after they die. I have seen it work, both grandmothers have stayed single since my grandfathers died, both still wear their wedding rings. One of my grandfathers died over 40 years ago and the other died nearly 20 years ago. I plan on following their example if FI passed before me.
BUT, I think marrying them after they die is a giant leap too far. It’s taking it to the extreme in my opinion and as other posters have said, the deceased person has no say. I don’t think you should be able to marry someone who is unable to agree or disagree about getting married. Even if you planned to marry each other before they died, they could still change their mind. In this situation they wouldn’t have the choice.
I am so sorry for your loss!
Post # 15
luvingbee: I am so sorry for your loss. Whilst in a sense I understand your motivation, I do think it’s unnecessary. The fact that you weren’t legally married before he passed doesn’t change your relationship and its importance. As you only recently lost him, maybe it would be better to wait a while and allow yourself to grieve before you make any big decisions.