Post # 1
Im sure im not the only bride that will be doing this but I’ll tell my story cause so far its been a long emotional road. My FI is a type 1 diabetic. I almost lost him 2 years ago.
It all started when he got this weirdsore on his lower stomach. he said it was just a ingrown hair/bad pimple but this thing just wasnt going away. it got really infected and he got really sick. he just said he had a bad flu. before all this he was chugging the highly sugared engery drinks like crazy. i could tell something wasnt right but he was being really stubborn and wouldnt listen. he got to the point were he was totally bed ridden and could hardly move cause the thing on his stomach hurt so bad. finally one day when i wasnt with him but his mom was (thank god) he got really really bad. his mom said he was just stumbling around the house and talking weird and drooling and half passing out. she finally called 911. they got him to the hospital and his blood suger was almost 900!! normal levels for those who dont know is around 100. when i got to the hospital they were lancing off the highly infected sore which had spiked his sugars. from all the drinks and the infection he had pretty much given himself diabetes and from not going toa doctor earlier had now put himself in whats called diabetic kioacidosis, which is where the blood is pretty much turning to acid. they were going to put him into a drug induced coma to save his brain but they ended up not having to do that. i remember standing in the hall with his parents when the doctor told us they werent sure if he would live. (man starting to tear up remembering this). he was talking about thanking me for bringing him a pink bunny. he was really out of it. luckily the doctors were able to lower him and fix him. he was in the icu for a week and even now he doesnt remember much of anything.
2 years later he still has a lot of issues with coping with having diabetes now. he gets really depressed a lot. i try to help but not much i can really do. plus he just got a big scare cause a friend of his dads just passed away who was diabetic so that kinda freaked him out. his dad is diabetic too but hes type 2 so not nearly as bad. he has to do the shots everyday. he wasnt testing himself for a long time cause he couldnt afford the strips but his dad just recently started sharing his strips with him so he can. he gets really cranky and snaps at me sometimes which i try to remember that its just the diabetes but it gets hard sometimes. idk anyone else have advice for me from other people marrying/married to a diabetic?
Post # 3
my FI is diabetic. he’s on medication (metformin) for it, but he’s not one to check his sugar like he’s supposed to. he actually lost his meter, so we need to buy him a new one. he needs to find a new doctor, actually. hopefully we’ll get things under control soon.
i don’t have advice, aside from this: if he’s not willing to take care of himself, and his stint in the ICU didn’t scare him? i don’t know what will make him take care of himself. also, if he has insurance, and a doctor, they should be able to give him a prescription for the strips, that way it might not be as expensive.
Post # 4
My husband is diabetic. He was diabetic when we met, he was diabetic when we got married, it was much worse by the time we got married and the phone call I just had with his doctor last Thursday says I should prepare him to start insulin on Monday because the oral meds are no longer working.
Perhaps it’s because I also have a chronic medical condition or because my parents never did allow me to sulk about much that basically leaves me of the opinion “that’s life.” I control just about everything that goes in my husband’s mouth. He doesn’t eat out at work anymore. I make his breakfast, I pack his lunch and I make dinner. With that regimen, we’ve gotten his sugars down from regularly being in the 300-400 range to anywhere in the high 100’s (170-180) to the mid 200s and it’ll stay that way until we get to the doc.
If he’s snappy, he needs to be checking his sugars. I realize that test strips are expensive, but so is a funeral. One option is better than another. He needs to look into getting them from American Diabetes Wholesale (google it) if they aren’t covered by his insurance, Costco or Sam’s Club for the best deals.
You’re not going to do him any favors by babying him. You need to make him man up and be responsible for his health. You can HELP him, but you can’t do it for him and if he’s unwilling to do it, then I don’t suggest you marry him. Also, I noticed you said fiance. The money on a wedding would be better spent on medical supplies. Seriously.
Post # 5
@jbbs1222: “from all the drinks and the infection he had pretty much given himself diabetes”
From what I understand, Type 1 diabetes is not caused by lifestyle – it is an inherent condition that usually manifests in childhood or early adulthood. All the sugary drinks certainly didn’t help him control his blood sugar levels, but I don’t think they gave him Type 1 diabetes. If he had a normally functioning pancreas, he would have been able to drink sugary drinks without reaching sugar levels of 900.
In any case, I’m just trying to suggest that you try not to blame him or his past actions for his health condition. We all do the best we can, with what we know. Now that he knows he has diabetes, hopefully he will do better at managing his diet to control his disease and maintain his health. It’s a scary thing to be diagnosed with a chronic disease, and it’s great that you’re staying by his side and willing to be supportive. You can definitely be a positive influence – encourage him to see a doctor if needed, test his blood sugar levels, and take his medication. Is he on insulin now?
Edited to add: There are different types of insulin, and different patients do better on different types. Often, primary care doctors are not great at managing diabetes, and don’t necessarily know all the nuances of various types of insulin. If your FI is having trouble with frequent hypos (low blood sugar – 70 or less during the day or night), ask his doctor about trying a different insulin, or try to see an endocrinologist.
Post # 6
FI is type 1 diabetic, he was diagnosed right after his 21st birthday. Type 1 isn’t caused by a lifestyle or diet, its hereditary. When he was diagnosed, he had lost about 35 lbs in a very quick timeframe, was always tired and thirsty. For the past 6 years, he has been on two types of insulin and pays very close attention to his diet.
As for what you can do for him – help him stay on track with his diet, pay attention to mood swings, sweating, him acting out of the ordinary – these could be signs of high or low blood suger. We always keep orange juice boxes around the house in case his blood sugar drops too low. Just be supportive of him – cook diabetic friendly meals, work out together, etc.
About a year ago, FI and I both went Paleo – its dramatically helped his diabetes – his A1C is much lower and he takes much less insulin daily than he did previously.
Post # 7
He probably did inherit it a little from his dad cause i always told him before he was offically diagnosed that i thought he had it. he would sleep a lot and drink a lot of water and go to the bathroom a lot, all signs of diabetes. im not blaming him for giving it to himself but he sure didnt take care of himself like he should. after the hosptial he really doesnt like doctors and needles so getting him to go to a doctor is like pulling teeth. the only insurance he has is through is dads work and it sucks and being unemployed he can hardly afford his meds which holy crap they are expensive!! i finally got him to go this later this week and he’s scared crapless cause he hasnt been to one in like a year and half. idk why he’s so scared. probably cause they will see he jsut started testing his sugars for about 2 weeks now and every time its been in the mid-upper 200s.
Post # 8
@jbbs1222: I think you need to take a step back with your FI and have a serious conversation. You may be facing early widowhood if he dosn’t learn to care for himself, and any children could be orphans. (or half orphans or however that goes).
He could also loose limbs, eyesight, hearing…all very common in poorly managed diabetes.
You can’t give yourself type 1 diabetes. It’s from getting sick and your pancreas(?) being destryed. The illness probably did nuke his pancreas, but the sugary drinks didn’t cause him to be diabetic. If anything the hydration probably SAVED his life.
You can assist him on this life-changing event, but you cannot save him. He needs to be responsible.
As far as the emotinal issues. I have friends who are type 1 diabetics. Some were in college (before the law changed) and had to buy their own strips. there is SO MUCH goverment assistance and private assitance not having strips is a very lame excuse. There are alot of resources. His depression may or may not be tied to diabetes, but either way HE needs to deal with it.
I disagree with the above posters, I think you need to set some ground rules and tell him your feelings and that you will NOT stand by and watch him slowly kill himself.
Post # 9
@searock: thanks. ive tried talking to him so many times and he knows how much that whole ordeal affected me emotionally. ive made it very clear multiple times i dont want to be an early widow and he needs to take care of himself and take responsiblity. i try to help where i can but only so much i can do. ive had to break down in tears so many times trying to express this to him but he still just doesnt get it. maybe he never will. since that friend of his dads passed tho it did kind of scare him tho so mybe that was the scare he needed as he suddenly made this doctor appt and is testing himself and is trying to eat healthier. i pray it is cause things needed to change
Post # 10
@jbbs1222: But if he inherited it from his dad then his dad does not have type II diabetes (which is lifestyle, obesity, and eating habits related), he would have type I which is likely aggravated by the things that cause type II.
I would suggest your FI get into counseling to deal with this. Diabetes is NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL if you take care of it correctly. He also needs to see a specialist for his diabetes.
My grandmother was a type I diabetic my whole life. SHe didn’t take care of herself as much as she should have (she would sneak cookies, eat a lot of fruit and starchy foods, and when she was younger was an alcoholic) and she lived to 85! BUT, I did get a call every year for about 15 yeras that she was in the hospital and was not going to make it.
Post # 11
I try to tell him all the time its not that big of deal and theres millions of people in the world that are diabetic and still very active and sucessful. that he should let it run his life but he does so much and lets himself get so depressed over it. ive suggested going to a therapist for the depression and trying to get on some antidepression medication which i think would help him a lot but he doesnt want to. hes just convinced as a diabetic he’s suppost to be like that. i have depression myself and am on antidepressants and since i have been its been such a huge change and i wish he would just try it! he talks about that being an artist (hes a graphic artist) that he’s worried about loosing his vision someday. then take care of yourself!!! im worried about his feet too. he had weird toe nails and i always warn him to take care of his nails and feet which he never does and frankly they are nasty so im afraid someday he will end up loosing them.
Post # 12
@jbbs1222: He’s proven he’s not going to change. If this was something else, I think you would of gotten emotinal support from other parites to do so.
If he was speeding on a motorcycle without a helmet, or doing illicit drugs, or drinking, or gambling then so many people would “be on your side” and say “this is a bad situation”
Diabetes is managable, he is not managaing them. It sounds like you are the only reason he is still living, by him accepting your move to a paleo diet (dosn’t sound like he would do it if you left today)
Which begs the question. What happens if you get sick and aren’t there to care for him? What happens if he needs to travel for work and you can’t go along to be his personal dociae? What happens when you have a child who has type 1 diabetes and behaves just like his dad? Your husband is getting lucky, but a 6yo child could easily die over such behavior. (my friends were diagnosed between ages 4-12) It does appear to be genetic, so haivng children with diabetes is a likely reality.
Give him a timeline and stick to your word and leave if necessary. You deserve better than watching someone kill himself slowly
Post # 13
Two of my best friends are Type I diabetics, so it’s manageable and you can go on to live an pretty normal life (the least normal part seems to be finding a way to wear their insulin pumps whit dresses). However, your FI has to see doctors regularily so that they can determine what levels of insulin he needs and help him work on calculating his carbs.
Also, be careful. My friends father has type II diabetes (along with other problems) and he treats his medical issues the same was your FI does (ignores them until he passes out, someone finds him, they calls 911 and he nearly dies in a hospital). It’s terribly sad for her because her father just don’t care enough about his health to really keep living. He will most likely die in the next few years just because he doesn’t care. She has been forced to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing she can do that will make her father want to take better care of himself and she knows she will probably have to watch him die because she can’t monitor him 24/7 to make sure he takes care of himself.
Post # 14
@searock: i actually did leave him for about a month and started dating another guy. he lost almost 8 lbs cause he was so miserable without me and just wasnt eating. he is so crazy about me i honestly dont know what he would do if he didnt have me if i ever left him or if something happen to me that i should suddenly die or something.
as for our kids, more then likey they will have either type 1 or 2. that really would surprise me. my sister has a type of if that shes hypoglycemic and my grandma is type 2 so from both sides our children will probably get it along with a stream of heart problems from my family and metal issues from both sides. so our kids our going to be effectively screwed anyway.
Post # 15
I work in an endocrinology clinic and we have LOTS of diabetic kiddos. We try to teach them to manage their own condition, seeing as how it’s something they’ll be dealing with for the duration of their lives. There are several types of insulin and a variety of ways to take them. We have 4 and 5 year olds who know how to operate their own pumps and test their own blood sugar.
Diabetes is not a death sentence, but it is something that will impact quality of life if not treated properly.
What does your FI do for a living? Does he not get health benefits through his employer? Does he see an endocrinologist to treat his diabetes? Has he consulted with a nutritionist of dietician to get a handle on a healthier lifestyle?
Post # 16
Type I Diabetes is all a matter of how well you take care of yourself. My uncle has Type I diabetes as does an ex of mine. They both check their sugars regularly and take a couple different kinds of insulin and they do fine most of the time. My uncle has had some serious scares over the years, but he’s in his 50s and very active and healthy at this point. But if you don’t check your sugars and take care of yourself, if can turn bad fast. He needs to get his act in gear. And you need to be clear that this is something he needs to do in order for your relationship to continue.