Marrying a diabetic

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

my FI is diabetic. he’s on medication (metformin) for it, but he’s not one to check his sugar like he’s supposed to. he actually lost his meter, so we need to buy him a new one. he needs to find a new doctor, actually. hopefully we’ll get things under control soon.

i don’t have advice, aside from this: if he’s not willing to take care of himself, and his stint in the ICU didn’t scare him? i don’t know what will make him take care of himself. also, if he has insurance, and a doctor, they should be able to give him a prescription for the strips, that way it might not be as expensive.

Post # 4
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

My husband is diabetic. He was diabetic when we met, he was diabetic when we got married, it was much worse by the time we got married and the phone call I just had with his doctor last Thursday says I should prepare him to start insulin on Monday because the oral meds are no longer working.

Perhaps it’s because I also have a chronic medical condition or because my parents never did allow me to sulk about much that basically leaves me of the opinion “that’s life.” I control just about everything that goes in my husband’s mouth. He doesn’t eat out at work anymore. I make his breakfast, I pack his lunch and I make dinner. With that regimen, we’ve gotten his sugars down from regularly being in the 300-400 range to anywhere in the high 100’s (170-180) to the mid 200s and it’ll stay that way until we get to the doc. 

If he’s snappy, he needs to be checking his sugars. I realize that test strips are expensive, but so is a funeral. One option is better than another. He needs to look into getting them from American Diabetes Wholesale (google it) if they aren’t covered by his insurance, Costco or Sam’s Club for the best deals.

You’re not going to do him any favors by babying him. You need to make him man up and be responsible for his health. You can HELP him, but you can’t do it for him and if he’s unwilling to do it, then I don’t suggest you marry him. Also, I noticed you said fiance. The money on a wedding would be better spent on medical supplies. Seriously.

Post # 5
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@jbbs1222:  “from all the drinks and the infection he had pretty much given himself diabetes”

From what I understand, Type 1 diabetes is not caused by lifestyle – it is an inherent condition that usually manifests in childhood or early adulthood. All the sugary drinks certainly didn’t help him control his blood sugar levels, but I don’t think they gave him Type 1 diabetes. If he had a normally functioning pancreas, he would have been able to drink sugary drinks without reaching sugar levels of 900.

In any case, I’m just trying to suggest that you try not to blame him or his past actions for his health condition. We all do the best we can, with what we know. Now that he knows he has diabetes, hopefully he will do better at managing his diet to control his disease and maintain his health. It’s a scary thing to be diagnosed with a chronic disease, and it’s great that you’re staying by his side and willing to be supportive. You can definitely be a positive influence – encourage him to see a doctor if needed, test his blood sugar levels, and take his medication. Is he on insulin now?


Edited to add: There are different types of insulin, and different patients do better on different types. Often, primary care doctors are not great at managing diabetes, and don’t necessarily know all the nuances of various types of insulin. If your FI is having trouble with frequent hypos (low blood sugar – 70 or less during the day or night), ask his doctor about trying a different insulin, or try to see an endocrinologist.


Post # 6
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

FI is type 1 diabetic, he was diagnosed right after his 21st birthday. Type 1 isn’t caused by a lifestyle or diet, its hereditary. When he was diagnosed, he had lost about 35 lbs in a very quick timeframe, was always tired and thirsty. For the past 6 years, he has been on two types of insulin and pays very close attention to his diet. 

As for what you can do for him – help him stay on track with his diet, pay attention to mood swings, sweating, him acting out of the ordinary – these could be signs of high or low blood suger. We always keep orange juice boxes around the house in case his blood sugar drops too low. Just be supportive of him – cook diabetic friendly meals, work out together, etc.

About a year ago, FI and I both went Paleo – its dramatically helped his diabetes – his A1C is much lower and he takes much less insulin daily than he did previously. 

Post # 8
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jbbs1222:  I think you need to take a step back with your FI and have a serious conversation.  You may be facing early widowhood if he dosn’t learn to care for himself, and any children could be orphans. (or half orphans or however that goes).

He could also loose limbs, eyesight, hearing…all very common in poorly managed diabetes.

You can’t give yourself type 1 diabetes.  It’s from getting sick and your pancreas(?) being destryed.  The illness probably did nuke his pancreas, but the sugary drinks didn’t cause him to be diabetic.  If anything the hydration probably SAVED his life.


You can assist him on this life-changing event, but you cannot save him.  He needs to be responsible.


As far as the emotinal issues.  I have friends who are type 1 diabetics.  Some were in college (before the law changed) and had to buy their own strips.  there is SO MUCH goverment assistance and private assitance not having strips is a very lame excuse.  There are alot of resources.  His depression may or may not be tied to diabetes, but either way HE needs to deal with it.




I disagree with the above posters, I think you need to set some ground rules and tell him your feelings and that you will NOT stand by and watch him slowly kill himself.


Post # 10
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@jbbs1222:  But if he inherited it from his dad then his dad does not have type II diabetes (which is lifestyle, obesity, and eating habits related), he would have type I which is likely aggravated by the things that cause type II.


I would suggest your FI get into counseling to deal with this.  Diabetes is NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL if you take care of it correctly.  He also needs to see a specialist for his diabetes.


My grandmother was a type I diabetic my whole life.  SHe didn’t take care of herself as much as she should have (she would sneak cookies, eat a lot of fruit and starchy foods, and when she was younger was an alcoholic) and she lived to 85!  BUT, I did get a call every year for about 15 yeras that she was in the hospital and was not going to make it.


Post # 12
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@jbbs1222:  He’s proven he’s not going to change.  If this was something else, I think you would of gotten emotinal support from other parites to do so.


If he was speeding on a motorcycle without a helmet, or doing illicit drugs, or drinking, or gambling then so many people would “be on your side” and say “this is a bad situation”


Diabetes is managable, he is not managaing them.  It sounds like you are the only reason he is still living, by him accepting your move to a paleo diet (dosn’t sound like he would do it if you left today)


Which begs the question.  What happens if you get sick and aren’t there to care for him? What happens if he needs to travel for work and you can’t go along to be his personal dociae?  What happens when you have a child who has type 1 diabetes and behaves just like his dad?  Your husband is getting lucky, but a 6yo child could easily die over such behavior. (my friends were diagnosed between ages 4-12)  It does appear to be genetic, so haivng children with diabetes is a likely reality.

Give him a timeline and stick to your word and leave if necessary.  You deserve better than watching someone kill himself slowly

Post # 13
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Two of my best friends are Type I diabetics, so it’s manageable and you can go on to live an pretty normal life (the least normal part seems to be finding a way to wear their insulin pumps whit dresses). However, your FI has to see doctors regularily so that they can determine what levels of insulin he needs and help him work on calculating his carbs.

Also, be careful. My friends father has type II diabetes (along with other problems) and he treats his medical issues the same was your FI does (ignores them until he passes out, someone finds him, they calls 911 and he nearly dies in a hospital). It’s terribly sad for her because her father just don’t care enough about his health to really keep living. He will most likely die in the next few years just because he doesn’t care. She has been forced to come to terms with the fact that there is nothing she can do that will make her father want to take better care of himself and she knows she will probably have to watch him die because she can’t monitor him 24/7 to make sure he takes care of himself.

Post # 15
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I work in an endocrinology clinic and we have LOTS of diabetic kiddos.  We try to teach them to manage their own condition, seeing as how it’s something they’ll be dealing with for the duration of their lives.  There are several types of insulin and a variety of ways to take them.  We have 4 and 5 year olds who know how to operate their own pumps and test their own blood sugar.

Diabetes is not a death sentence, but it is something that will impact quality of life if not treated properly.  

What does your FI do for a living?  Does he not get health benefits through his employer?  Does he see an endocrinologist to treat his diabetes?  Has he consulted with a nutritionist of dietician to get a handle on a healthier lifestyle?

Post # 16
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Type I Diabetes is all a matter of how well you take care of yourself. My uncle has Type I diabetes as does an ex of mine. They both check their sugars regularly and take a couple different kinds of insulin and they do fine most of the time. My uncle has had some serious scares over the years, but he’s in his 50s and very active and healthy at this point. But if you don’t check your sugars and take care of yourself, if can turn bad fast. He needs to get his act in gear. And you need to be clear that this is something he needs to do in order for your relationship to continue.

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