Marrying a teenage boy [vent]

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Mimoza:  *HUGS* Sorry he’s acting like that.  I think it’s okay to get insecure at times, we all do, but it’s not okay for him to lash out at you like that.  Maybe ask him why he is feeling so insecure?  I would even suggest talking to a couples counselor so that you guys can communicate when you’re feeling insecure/vulnerable.  Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
3596 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think he is acting like a jerk. However I think you should adress his behavior rather then adding in namecalling telling him he is acitng like a teenage boy. Because at that point the discussion/fight will become about that and veer off course.

 

Instead you should focus on what he said in did. For example I don’t appreicate the things you said and did last night, because of …. Then hopefully you guys can talk about the behavior.

 

Post # 6
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

It’s never too late to address an issue. You don’t have to assume it’ll be a fight. It’s more likely to be a fight if you demean him over text when he can’t fully express how he feels in response, instead forcing both him and you to stew over it all day. Which is, ironically, something a teenage girl would do 😉

Post # 7
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@winstonchurchill:  oh totally agree, don’t respond in text and then act as though you aren’t going to continue the conversation.

If my DH said anything like I’d be genuinely shocked. (Well–we joke a lot about his “girlfriends” in the neighobhrood)

I guess I’d say to your DH in a shocked and concerned way–“what? hunh? where did that come from? Why did you say that?  What’s up with you today, honey?”

 

Post # 10
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@Mimoza:  When I read this I have to say: it seems that he is being honest with you when he says that he doens’t trust others. To me, that means that he doens’t trust you, either.

YOU can’t change that., YOU can’t change him. All of the discussion in the world won’t “get through to him.” This is about him, not you.

Please consider this carefully before marrying this guy.

 

Post # 11
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Mimoza:  Did you send that text, or are you just going to speak to him at home? I totally understand how you feel, but at the same time you are invalidating his feelings. He is not getting his message across in an appropriate way but people aren’t always nice when they feel jealous and threatened. Insulting him or making him feel bad about how he feels (which he is entitled too – we can’t control how we feel!) will only make things worse.

Instead, I would focus on you. I always use “I” statements rather than “you.” Calling him a jealous teenage boy will get you nowhere. You love this man and even though you are pissed, that is not a great way to resolve an issue. If he has ongoing insecurity issues then I hope you two can find a way to work on them. At this point, it may just be a pattern of behaviour he is used to from the past rather than legitimate feelings.

I would say, “It makes me feel bad when you say things like you did last night. I love you and I would never cheat on you – imagine how you feel would if I accused you of the same. I would really appreciate if you could express the feelings you’re having in a different way.” Focus on how what he is doing makes you feel and how you can fix it, not on telling him he is wrong or immature. That will just make him defensive.

Post # 12
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@Mimoza:  Have I read this post wrong or did I miss if your friend WAS the person you used to date…or just a different friend?

Post # 14
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, while his behavior was immature, obnoxious and uncalled for, your text is also quite immature.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with addressing the issue, but texting and the language used are not the right way to go about it. You guys should sit down together and talk through it calmly like mature adults.  I can assure you calling him a teenage boy and telling him to go find a teenage girl isn’t going to solve anything. It’s only going to make him angry and defensive.  

The best way to go about this would be: 1. Tell him how it makes you feel when he does X.  2. Ask him to tell you why he feels the way he does.  3. Talk through a solution together to help prevent such things in the future

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