Weddingbee boards

My FI is an only child, his dad passed away in March. That leaves just FI and his mom. I don't really feel like I'm gaining a family. I mean FI has been a significant part of my life for a long time now, and his mom seems like she wants as little to do with me as possible.

I look at what he's gaining: two sisters, my parents and grandparents, who all think the world of him, I just feel a little jipped.  I guess I always looked forward to having another family to join and be apart of...oh well....

I'm the only child in our relationship, but my fiance also only has a younger brother with some disabilities. In a way, I wish he had more siblings, as I've always wanted nieces and nephews, and since I'm an only child, I won't have any on my side. So I can only HOPE his younger brother has children someday. We're both close to each others' families, and have small families, which I'm more than happy with. But there's still times I wish we had larger families. I guess I'm lucky to have such a close family as well, as I consider my cousins' children as kind of my nieces and nephew as I've watched them grow since they were born.

@Cash000: His mom does come from a HUGE family she has 10 siblings. However all but one live in the Ohio/Kentucky area.

@JenniMichele: I also feel badly for our future children, Fi's dad was a man I wish they could've known. I'm sorry you never had the opportunity to meet your FFIL.

There are pros and cons to this. 
You may not be marrying in to a large family, the key thing is you'll be starting your own family with your own traditions.  Focus on that.  Focus on starting your own family.  Sometimes best friends feel more like family than your own blood relatives. 
My parents immigrated here in the 60's and I have never grown up with grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins.  They all live in Europe and we see them every 5 years or so when we make a trip.    As you can imagine, my family had some BORING holidays growing up.  Things are different now, my older sister and brother are both married and have children and I will soon be at that point in my life.  Now we have this big family and it is great.  I never had it growing up. 

The Cons about marrying into a large family: they could be the inlaws from hell.  (haha)

My FI is an only child, and his mom isn't around.  His entire family, other then his father, lives over seas.  So locally I'm only gaining a tiny family - but overseas he has a huge family.  It's never really bothered me! 

(plus less in-law issues hehe)

You know, it's the reverse in my situation. I'm the only. I have 4 cousins in different states that I never see and won't be at my wedding or involved in the other "details" of my life. My aunts and uncles are all crazy and I am about the only person in the family everyone gets along with. He doesn't seem to care one bit. I also don't feel like I'm "shorting" him by not having a huge family. It makes Holiday "family" celebrations easier, except for Thanksgiving, we'll do all holiday's with his!

Interesting, b/c I'm in the exact OPPOSITE situation with my only child husband.  His family is super tight, and I think that has a lot to do with him growing up as the only little one in his humongus family.  I, on the other hand, have a family that rarely sees each other b/c they are spaced across the country.  His family gets together almost every weekend in the summer and for every major holiday.  I feel like I finally have a 'real' family that does things together and is warm and welcoming.  I am so grateful to have gained his family right along with him!

I don't necessarily feel like I'm gaining a family, but it has taken awhile for me to get used to FI's family dynamic. He's an only and I have 2 sisters, so our households are completely different. I am not used to seeing a family make decisions by committee the way they do; he's not used to seeing a family act like a loud, estrogen-filled madhouse like ours does!

I think he's really the one gaining a family because not only do I have siblings, but I have a huuuuuge extended family (I'm one of nearly 20 grandchildren on one side and nearly 30 on the other), whereas he doesn't. He's sort of bemused by all of us, but he's also mentioned that he's envious of me having siblings and he wants to have at least 2, preferably 3 children.

I am the only child with just a single father.  My mom passed away when i was little.  One thing I would say is to be aware of spending time with your FI's family, even if it is small.  Because its just me and my dad I used to always be forced to spend holidays with boyfriends families because they were much bigger.  I'm really close with my Dad and leaving him alone for the hoildays was never appealing.  Try to find ways to incorporate your FI's small family into your traditions. 

I'm an only child with a huge family!  My aunts, uncles, and cousins live all over the country, but we're still pretty close to all of them! 

I struggle with this issue a little bit myself. My DH is an only child and although he has family members, he doesn't consider them family. In his heart, his family is his father and that's it.

My FIL is a tough love, gruff guy who doesn't show much emotion - TOTALLY different from my very warm family. We aren't very many ourselves (mom, dad, 2 brothers) but we are very warm and welcoming. I am righteously jealous of him and totally feel like I got the short end of the stick with regards to the family I gain - I gain one gruff retired cop who just doesn't "do" family stuff.

I completely completey understand how you feel and people have suggestd that since I am the only female (read: the only one who is creative/enthusiastic) I should take the lead in planning fun activities, decorating, making the "family get-togethers" happen, etc. I try, but it's an uphill battle to fight the sarcastic remarks when I plan a picnic or something and to make things happen. It's a little hard on the morale to be the only one trying to make a family out of two men who act like boys.

I had a therapist once tell me that I was distressed and having a hard time feeling like I fit in because the family I wanted to fit in didn't exist in my opinion. It was like landing on an island that didn't exist and I felt like I had to create it before I could arrive. In their minds, everything's fine, but my expectations are different, apparantly.