Marrying my FI this summer, family doesn't seem very supportive?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ALazi:  I guess I have a few more questions – I am in a similar situation with FI’s parents, but we live 30 min away from each other.  But it’s so complicated.  I assume your situation is also.




How long have y’all been dating and how much time have you spent together face-to-face?  I know you said 2 months, but have you seen him since then?  Have your parents met him?




Has he given them any reason to make them worry – either his character, job situation, uncertain conditions once he moves, etc.?








Post # 4
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

They’re probably just concerned about you – it sounds like it’s been a very short relationship, and mostly long distance. The only reason they would be concerned is that they love you and they don’t want you to be hurt. It sounds like they’re trying to be supportive despite their concerns and you should be grateful for that. If your relationship is truly meant to be then your family and friends will come around in time.

Post # 5
515 posts
Busy bee

@ALazi:  try to realize what they are going through right now. their daughter came back from cuba with a fiancee and she (you) has only known him for 2 months. also, im guessing you are young because you went there to study. that would be hard on any parent and personally, a thousand things would be going through my mind. for instance, cuba is not the best area and lots of people try to leave and head for the states or canada. I’m not suggesting that that is why he wants to marry you, because i do not know anything about your relationship. but as a parent, it would raise a red flag. i know its hard when the people you are close to do not support you 100%. im in an interracial relationship and went through similar things. but if you are really meant to be togtehr your parents will come around and begin to love him as well. also, try to look at the positives, your parents ARE helping you with the wedding even if they seem somewhat against it. not every parent would do that if they didnt agree with the marriage.

Post # 7
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@ALazi:  What does your dad think of him?

I think the PPs are right – they are just worried about you. Getting married after such a short courtship/engagement – it’s probably just really sudden for them.  And the fact that your mom and friends haven’t met him is just adding to their worry.  Could he come up for a visit?  Maybe to work on the wedding and to meet your family and friends?  I know that could be crazy expensive, though.  

They may also be worried about what he’s going to once he moves – does he have a job lined up?  Will you be able to support the two of you until he gets a job?  Stuff like that.

Post # 8
1834 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ALazi:  I’m guessing it’s probably because the relationship is still fairly new and they don’t know him at all… I know I would be very worried if my little sister were marrying a guy who was a complete stranger to me.

Once they get to know him and see that he’s an upstanding guy who works hard to take care of you, I am sure they will be more supportive.

Post # 9
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@ALazi:  That’s hard. I see both sides here. It’s easy for family and friends to be skeptical in this situation because they do not know your FI that well. This happens in families all the time and I am guessing more so than not, these family members are just concerned for the person getting married.

But I also see your side. You’re in love and I do believe that sometimes people “just know” and they don’t need years and years to figure it out.

Try to understand where they are coming from but also stand your ground. You can make your own decisions.

Post # 10
339 posts
Helper bee

I completely understand your situation. I met my boyfriend while visiting my mom in anguilla(that where i grew up; didnt know him then). When my mom found out about him (it was a less than ideal introduction) she was not happy. We’ve been dating for a little over 2 years, and for the greater part of last year, she was against our relationship, much less getting married. because they both live in Anguilla, they have gotten to know each other and she is now on board, though not 100% but i have faith she’ll come around.

Family and friends have concerns for a number of reasons: 1) they think that he wants to be with you for a greencard (im not sure what the canadian equivalent is) 2) you dont really know each other 3) he wants to be with you for what you can give him ie money and status (for me this is because im a lawyer making 6 figures). I guess they are just concerned that you have only known him for a short while and they are apprehensive about the whole sitaution. They dont want you to get hurt.

It may be worth a discussion with your family so that you can fully understand their issues while you can explain all the reasons you love him and why he’s the man for you!

I wish you the best of luck and its great that even though they arent all the way on board, they still support you. I know of people who become estranged from their families with sitautions like this!

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