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I wouldn't bring it up unless he does. Men usually don't like to talk about $$, or at least the ones I know, don't. My brother's self employed & he's a very hard worker, and my FI is also in a job where he gets rained out, etc. much like your FI does. It's very hard when he gets rained out for 3 days in a row, leaving us about $200 short on his paycheck. We rely on every cent that comes through the door.
If your hunny's a hard worker, and it sounds like he is, and he's honest...I believe he'll be just fine. I believe that good things happen to good people, kind of like good karma. It definitely is hard, but even if the worst does happen & he's out of a job...it will ALWAYS work out.
If you say anything to him, I would just give him a hug when he walks through the door & tell him how much you appreciate all he does for his little family :) Not TOO often, though because then he'll feel somewhat pressured that you're relying on him. But, if you do it the right amount he'll feel appreciated and good about what he's doing in his job.
Hope I helped! :)
@Lees4308- Thanks for the kind words and hope! I know it could be a lot worse I just think the stress of trying to save save save it taking a hold of me.
Girl I know what you mean. We're suffering on food right now so that we can save a little bit more $$!! Haha, we eat pizzas & mac & cheese all the time!
Unless he is clearly not trying to get work (which obviously is not the case for you), or his spending is out of control, I would not say anything. He is probably well aware of the money issues and may already be stressed about it. I am currently a student and will soon be self-employed. I can tell by a look on my FI's face when we talk about wedding stuff that he is worried about money - and sometimes it makes me feel bad for the life choices I have made and that I don't have a typical job. (Not that he does not support me and my choices - it is just a tough financial time right now.)
On the other hand, I completely understand your worries! You really know your relationship better than anyone, so if it is something that you need to get off of your chest and you don't think it will make him feel bad, by all means talk to him about it!
I just know that he would go back to working for someone else if I asked. And I don't want to say anything because I never want him to feel like he is making that decision for me. He's made good money before it's just always the beginning of the year that sends me into a panick.
i wouldn't say anything...gve him time. you yourself said it's not easy finding work in this economy. If he's not on a spending spree and trying hard to get work then have faith and hold his hand...he'll appreciate you so much more for that.
I agree with what others have said - he is probably well aware of the financial stress and is reminded of it daily when he goes out looking for leads. The best thing you can do is support him - I love the suggestion about giving him a hug and letting him know you appreciate all his hard work. Good luck!
you're a good FI - hang in there and if you can network for him at all too, go for it. :-)
I agree with msmonicka, he's probably well aware of the situation but so long as he's not taking every paycheck and going out with the boys then I wouldn't worry. I'm self employed myself, I haven't worked since the end of November 2009. And it's hard. And it's difficult getting work nowadays because instead of just 100 people fighting for the 1 job like it was a few years ago now it's more like 300 people fighting for the job. It sounds like your FH is doing all he can. Make sure you show him just how much you appreciate his trying to help support you both as a couple. It'll give him a psychological boost and only good can come from that.
my fi is a musician (opera singer) and I def bring home the money. My dad was a stay at home dad and I just think about how luckey my kids are going to be to have my FI as a stay at home ish dad.
Just remember that a lot of people are in the same boat :) Sometimes that comforting knowing you're not the only one.
As someone who was unemployed before, I can say that it helped so much that my husband didn't talk about it much. He knew I was busting my butt everyday looking for another job, and not working or bringing in enough money (especially for guys) really just makes you feel awful and usless. So I think just showing your appreciation for everything he does do to try and get work is the best thing. It might give him the extra confidence he needs to push through on a daily basis.
If it gets to a point where you can't pay your bills, then reassess. For example, ask that you sit down together to talk about money, and say WE need to work together to think of a new plan. Maybe he will have to go work for a company for a little while to just make ends meet, or maybe you can pick up another part-time job? It happens, you know? BUT, if you guys are able to make ends meet, and you're just living frugally for a while, then I say just be the supporting, loving wife you sound like you are :)
Thanks for the advice and letting me vent. I am going to try to be more understanding and more supportive because I know he is trying. And I guess if we can pay our bills and he isn't blowing money then we are ahead of the game.
Have you thought of setting aside a fund for emergency money? Just in case you need to dip into it to pay rent, bills, etc. My FH and I discussed this soon after we got engaged and I made the choice to set up an emergency fund out of my own money. So every month I put £100 into a EISA bank account which generates great interest. The great thing about it is that I can't touch the money for a year unless in an emergency when I can go and get the money out of the bank in person which makes it a lot less easy to spend. It doesn't need to be a lot, just $20 a month helps. It just mind ease your mind a little. But I strongly suggest talking to your FH or telling your FH that you're setting it up first so he doesn't feel like you're going behind his back in any way.
Also, @vistagirl, your FH is an opera singer? That's awesome! I'm a stage manager and I work predominately in opera. It's a small world.
@littlemissmoo - that is so cool! He is a tenor! If we are ever in london I'll pm you :)
@vistagirl, yes, do that! Sadly I don't think I'll go out to the USA to work (green card and all that). It's such a small industry! :)
@littlemissmoo- I think I am going to do that will the wedding money we get. Right now to save for wedding, house, furniture, etc. we set up an ING account so if takes us three days to get the money back and therefore we only touch it if needed. I guess right now I refuse to touch it because I know we need it. But I would like to continue with this account once we get married.
Feeling a bit more optomistic today!
A little update. FI took the civil service exam today to become a fire fighter in our area. He passsed the first part with flying colors!
This would be great if he could work two 24hr shifts every 7 days. He could bring in a solid income, benefits, etc. and still be able to run his company.
That's brilliant! Fingers crossed that he passes the other parts of the exam.
Yay! That's such good news! You'll have to update us with what happens & if he DOES get this job! :)
I second everything above.
It is so important to like your job. You spend more time at a job then with your SO - if it makes you unhappy it tanks your quality of life. I think a lot of sacrifice is worth it to have a job that doesn't make you miserable, maybe not having a wedding or buying a house even (it doesn't sound like you have to make this choice yet). Also I think it's possible to make a decent wage in most fields with enough determination and some time. You guys will figure it out.
@roxy821 - I came from a household where my father is self-employeed and my mother worked full time as a nurse. I know how hard it can be when the self-employed partner isn't getting much work. I don't know if my parents ever really talked about how much work he was getting, but I do know that my mom stood by him because this was all he knew. I agree, you shouldn't say anything to him, unless he brings it up first. Sometimes the silent support is all you need to give. I'm glad that he took the initiative to take the civil service exam to become a fireman! That's good news!
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I am turning to you girls because you always seem to have words of wisdom and comfort.
How do you hold it all together whether being self employed or marrying someone who is self employed during this difficult economy? Trying to figure out how to continue to have faith because I know we will get through this and everything will be okay.
FI is self employed in the construction business. I support his decision because he is happier working for himself and the money they are paying guys in the trade right now is ridiculous. People are now paying their employees half the amount because they know they can since so many people are out of work.
I want to say that my FI is very good at what he does and is extremely hard working. But on the same token, the economy is very rough right now. He is out there every day making new contacts talking to every he knows and killing himself to get leads. But some weeks he doesn't get any work at all.
How can I talk to him about what is going on or should I not? He knows that he is not brining in enough money right now so me telling him that I am stressed about money isn't going to help.
Also, how do you provide support for your FI is they are facing these issues in their career? I want to be there for him too.
I guess you girls probably understand the most about money troubles. Everything seems to esculate during this time because you don't need to just pay your bills anymore, but put money away for a wedding, house etc.
Thanks for letting me vent.