Post # 1
OK so I have a pretty large B-list and pretty much all my friends know each other – do I do Save the Dates? I would just forget it except not everyone lives in the area so technically for them it’s a “destination wedding.” I don’t really know what to do. I know that if I send A-list STDs people who don’t get them will find out I sent them out and I don’t want them to later maybe get an invite and know they were B-list. Should I just suck it up? What to do?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t send anyone a STD whom you’re not 100% sure you will be inviting to the wedding. If you sent one to smoeone on your B-list and they went ahead and made travel arrangements and then didn’t receive an invitation, I don’t think that would go over well.
Post # 4
No no no, what the question is is do I send out STDs at all if I know I have a large B list of people who talk to one another.
Post # 5
I think I get what you’re saying … for example: you have 20 friends from college who are all friendly with each other. 10 are on the A list and 10 are on the B list and you’re worried that if you send save-the-dates 8 months before to the first 10 then the other 10 will find out?
If the answer is yes to that question — then my answer is no don’t send them.
Your friends WILL talk to each other:
“Oh Kitty and Fiance set their date!”-A list
“Oh how did you find out?”- B list
“Didn’t you get teh save the date?” – A list
“No, oh I guess I’m not invited!” – B list
But if you think the peopel on the B list will understand – then yes send them out. Or perhaps go a little more simple route and be in touch with each person individually. (Don’t do a group email! Those things can get forwarded very easily!!) Let the A list people know who is invited and perhaps who is not and ask them to be sensitive to the fact that you can’t invite everyone. I bet most people would be fine with keeping things to themselves for the most part.
It’s a sticky situation! I know because I had a few people write “Got your save the date’s they are SO pretty!” on facebook … and I had to delete it because so many people on my facebook are not invited to the wedding … I didnt want anyone to be hurt/offended.
Post # 6
That’s pretty much what I thought, but I’m worried that if I don’t send STDs then a lot of people I want to be there won’t end up being able to come. Maybe instead of STDs I could send out the actual invitations earlier and set the RSVP earlier? I just don’t know what to do. I wish I could invite everybody but I totally can’t.
Post # 7
Ok, I get it sorry. Sorry for misunderstanding! I say, if you want to send out STDs, then do it! It is a really sticky situation and you run the risk of having some people on the B-list having their feelings hurt, but somewhere long the way, I think someone, somewhere is bound to be upset that they weren’t invited to your wedding. Maybe you could tell some of the friends you’re closer with to spread the word not to make a big public hoopla about your STDs.
Post # 8
Actually now that I think about it, I’m going to have the same problem when the A-list invites go out anyway… This sucks! I hate picking and choosing friends. It makes me feel like such a b***h.
Post # 9
I am planning on sending Save The Dates to every person who I can’t imagine not having at my wedding. This includes friends. i have a small list of friends who are on my “maybe” list — depending if we need to cut guest list in the long run. In your case, if your friends are friends of “B” list friends… I would skip sending save the dates to them. If they aren’t in the same social circle, you can still send save the dates.
Also — because you will have a “B” list I would send the invites a little earlier then “usual” and as no’s come in, send other invites out as needed.
Don’t feel like you are a b*tch! Most of my friends understand that weddings are expensive, they aren’t expecting to be invited and will understand if they aren’t.
Did this response make sense at ALL?
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2009 - Cathedral of the Sacred Heart & The Jefferson Hotel
I wouldn’t bother if you are that worried about it. We ran into this problem with people asking why they didnt get one and they were be list, on of my bridesmaids actually told people we had just run out!! she can figure out what to say now when they ask why they dont end up with a real invite either! whoops!
Post # 11
I would say – Don’t do it! You don’t want to offend anybody – but you can talk to individuals personally and let them know of your wedding date ahead of time!
Would that be an option?
Post # 12
I have a similar problem, but on a much smaller scale. I work with about 20 people, but only about half of them are being invited. (I know, I know, it should either be all or nothing, but oh well.) I’m sending out our STDs very, very soon and I’m going to attach a note along with those to my coworkers that mentions how much I’d love it if they could make it, but that not everyone is being invited so if they could please wait till invitations go out to say something I’d appreciate it. I’ve talked to a few of them about this and theyre more than okay with keeping things hush hush. Just my two cents!
Post # 13
I’m not planning on sending STDs to most of my friends, even ones I’m 100% sure about. For those people on my A+ list, I let them know of my date and location. Probably not the most productive thing to do, but it eases my stress about it!
I have actually been on the B list twice, getting an invite late and without ever getting a save the date. Sure, I felt a little disappointed that I’m B list at first, but got over it almost immediately because I felt happy and honored to get an invite at all (and I know how it is to try and sort a guest list out!). Some people do hold a grudge if they do not get the initial STD or A-list invite, but the day is not about them.