- 10 years ago
- Wedding: November 2008
Hive, I have issues. I will try not to make this very long but I really need some perspective here
I woke up this morning, gleeful to book our chapel. I get it booked and then all of a sudden everything begins to go Straight to Hell in a Handbasket
Minutes later, my FI calls to let me know that the money that we thought we had to pay for the chapel wont be available until March. Ok, bummer. So, I decide to call my maternal grandmother bc she is contributing anyway, so I figure I will get it from her
I call grandma and she says that I’m just the person she wants to talk to. She then begins to tell me how my mother just unloaded on her. Grandma wants me to be aware that I am being unreasonable and I need to talk to my mother
This is all news to me. I then learn that my mother is very upset with me (!) and she does not approve with the following
1. She is upset that we are planning to have our wedding November 2008. She’d prefer us to wait until Nov 2009. That way she will be “ready”. She is concerned about the fact that my little brother is going to college in the fall and its just too much on their plates to marry me off at the same time.
This is news to me. FI and I are financing the wedding ourselves with a little contribution from my grandmother. Anything that is received from our parents is extra gravy but we are not depending on that money. Both sets of parents are not in a good financial spot right now. She is upset bc this is the month of my father’s “conference” time. The conference falls midmonth. I plan to marry 11/01/08. After that my wedding wont be in the way of their precious “conference”. Nevermind the fact that neither FI nor I wanted a long engagement to begin with.
2. She is upset that my father wont be officiating the ceremony
Huh? Me and my dad talked about this. He just wants to be father of the bride. He doesn’t want to “work” that day. I in turn just want him to be my dad. I don’t want him to be the minister that day. We both agree on this. The only person upset over this is my mother
3. She is upset that we are having the wedding in the city where we met, vs my ‘hometown’
We chose to have the wedding there not only bc of sentimental reasons but bc it’s a half way point for his family. His family does not travel at all so the hour and a half commute is far to them. Strange, but that’s the way it is. My home town is over 3 hours away from them. We are already losing guests on his side bc of the distance. We may lose them ALL if the ceremony is 4 hours away! Since my family will have to travel regardless (none of them live in SC) this is not an issue for us as much as it is for them
4. She is upset bc I am not having it in my father’s church
See #3 above. Not only that but its not like this is the church I “grew up” in. My dad has only been there a year and a half. The church is also too small and so is the fellowship hall. 60 ppl can barely fit in there never mind the 150 person guest list
5. She is upset bc I want to pay to have the wedding somewhere else rather than have it at home where they wont have to pay
Please note #3 and the explanation in #4. Then what about food? Was the food fairy going to provide the food for all these guests that she demands be invited
So now I am hurt. And upset. And mad basically bc I’m hearing this 2nd hand. And I feel as if my mother is being selfish. This is not all about her, nor is it just about my family. I have a husband and a whole new family to consider. I can’t make decisions based solely upon what is convenient to her
As for the timing, my FI is a postdoc. Beginning next year he will have to start applying for professorships. This is a very stressful time and he wants me to be his wife and be there supporting him by the time this begins. I agree. I want to be there with him. Since I do not want to shack, this means we need to be married before hand. Plus all money that we have next year will be going toward the travel required to get to these interviews. This is a 6 month to a year long process we are talking about. How on earth could we get married with that kind of hectic schedule ahead of us
So what do you think? Is my mother right? Do I reconsider my wedding date bc its not a convenient time for her? Clearly there is not clear communication on the budget issue. We are paying for this wedding, but she has it in her mind that she is supposed to be doing it. How can she? They have no money!
I am very upset and hurt. My mother thinks I am being difficult but we have a reason for choosing the things we have. The chapel is special to us. It’s near the exact spot my FI originally asked me to be his girlfriend nearly 5 years ago. Taking pictures there would mean sooo much to me. Do I give that up? Do I make it even more inconvenient for his family? What should I do?