Post # 1
My matron of honor will have a 6 month old at the time of our wedding. We are having an adult-only reception (the invitations are already printed) and she is presuming that her baby will be attending with her and her husband to both the ceremony and reception.
we have a number of other friends who have small children that we’re asking not to bring… How big of a deal should I make of this? can I ask her not to bring the baby to the reception? Do I just let it go? I’d prefer that the baby not come, but I don’t know if I should say that.
thanks for your advice!!
Post # 3
@Kc6882: Typically infants under a year of age, especially those that are breastfed, are the exception to the no children rule. What do you propose she does with the baby? Some people are uncomfortable leaving such a young baby with a sitter. If she doesn’t bring the baby, would you be ok with her leaving the reception early? What is your relationship with your MOH, sister, SIL, friend?
Post # 4
@carolinabelle: thanks for your input. She has a number of friends/family members in the area so i think I assumed that she would just have them babysit. Not being a mom myself, it made sense to me but i guess I can see where it could be problematic for her. I assume that one way or another she’s going to have to leave early – with or without the baby in tow. Either she’ll have to pick her up from the sitter or the baby will get fussy after dinner at the reception.
she is my best friend since high school.
Post # 5
If you request she not bring the infant, are you willing to gracefully accept her (potential) decision to place her child over your wedding? She may prefer not to attend if she cannot bring her child. Will you hold a grudge if that’s her decision?
Post # 6
@fascinated: I would understand but obviously that’s not what I want. I’d much rather the baby come to the wedding than not have her there, for sure. Thanks for your input.
Post # 7
@Kc6882: Why do you prefer that her infant is not at your wedding? I’m just curious, because perhaps there is a way of coming to a compromise. Like allowing her to bring another person to your wedding (her mother, sister, etc.) to help support her with the baby and then leave with the baby if/when necessary. Or maybe she has a plan that her own husband will leave with the baby should it become an issue. I think if she is your best friend you need to be compassionate and understanding that she has agreed to be in your wedding, which is a big commitment, but she is first and foremost a mother. I doubt she’d allow her child to scream through your ceremony, etc. and it’s not like a six-month old will be on the dance floor, so would it really be so bad if there was an infant in a car seat sleeping at your reception?
Post # 8
Unfortunately, when you haven’t yet had children it is a lot easier to make assumptions about sitters and the practicality of leaving small babies with other people. I was guilty of this myself, incidentally, way back in my childfree days.
As a pp has said, it is not unusual to include infants of up to a year old at otherwise “no children” events. Since your MOH is in the bridal party, allowing her baby to attend would not necessarily set an awkward precedent. But I’d also consider whether your expectations of her duties as MOH are necessarily the same as hers given that she’s the mother of a 6 month old. Is her husband also coming to the wedding? Will he be helping her with childcare?
I think you need to have a friendly conversation about this and be prepared that in the worst case scenario, she may wish to step down as MOH.
Post # 9
@Kc6882: does she KNOW you are having adults only and not inviting othr babies or kids? Your first thing would be to make sure you mention that. And yeah if she still is like “well im special” id be like it would be kind of awkward for me and fi if we let one person bring their baby and no one else… If she pushes it, let it go. But you can make sure her husband sits in back and make sure he takes baby out if it fusses.
Post # 10
@carolinabelle: I agree that children under a certain age are generally exempt from the no children rule because of a mothers need to breastfeed, or being uncomfortable leaving the baby behind, or even because child care costs are very high especailly when there is a new parent.
This is just my opinion so please don’t be offended, but I hate when people say no children are allowed. I don’t have children myself, but I feel like if you are close enough to someone to have them at your wedding then their children should be welcome as well. Again this is just my opinion. I am surprised with all of the importance placed on proper ettiqutte around gifts, and invites and stuff that it’s not considered rude to not permit children.
Post # 11
@Kc6882: firstly, i’d be really disappointed if not offended. My baby is such an important part of me and if I’m important enough for you to share your big moments, I’d assume my baby is also important enough for you for it not to be explicitly excluded.
Having said that, if you’re set on not having the baby, I’d try to get past that for the wedding day and still be there and support you. I do have a six months old and my mother has looked after her three times so far, never for longer than two hours! So I certainly wouldn’t be giving her to somebody for a much linger time now as I would not know how she’d cope. My SO of course has watched her for longer than that, rarely though and I think the maximum was 5 hours once. So if he is also invited to the wedding, I don’t know how she’s do it. Especially if she’s breast feeding. Then it’s not just about the baby needing to eat (which could be overcome if the baby takes the bottle), but also a matter of your MOH needing to empty her breasts from time to time.
Post # 12
@Kc6882: “we have a number of other friends who have small children that we’re asking not to bring“
A 6 month old infant is very different from a toddler or kinder age child, and any reasonable parent will know this. 6 month olds aren’t mobile (usually by this age they’re not even crawling), which is totally different from a 1 or 2 year old wandering around. And as others have mentioned, there is the whole breastfeeding issue too.
She won’t necessarily have to leave early. A 6 month old can be settled pretty well anywhere, I speak from experience.
Post # 13
@Kc6882: Let it go. It’s a six month old; to that point he/she may never have had a babysitter. That culd make it a really big deal. This could turn into a huge thing, which you don’t want it to be.