Weddingbee boards

Ok, so a little background about my MOH.  We met back in the day (12yrs ago now) working for the same jeweler while we were in college.  We clicked as friends right away.  She was a bit of a goody goody at the time, but then again she wasn't even 21 yet.  Needless to say we had a lot of fun through our 20's.  She settled back down with a very wrong guy and fell off the face of the earth.  After a few short yrs she realized what he was doing to her and got out. Welcome back friend! Now her personality seems to be set on the lets find another man because I really need to be married etc.  She has a very old soul feel to her at this point.  Still, I love her because she is my friend.  Shortly after this she finds so-called Mr. Right.....living together in 3mos engaged by mo 4, married 9mos later.  I was extrememly honored to be a BM in her wedding and it actually seemed this was it for her.....1yr later divorce papers.  The honemoon phase was over there were no more butterflies and now they don't have anything in common.  Now comes my turn. 7mos after her legal seperation My soon to be decides he wants to get me a ring.  In comes my MOH since she still works at the Jewelers.  My Mr Right was not shure he wanted to go see her because of her relationship troubles fearing she might feel bad, so he emails her to get a feel for it.  She is all for it super excited and knows several pieces I would die for.  He pops the big ?, I say yes.  She is the first person I call!! I immediately know that I want her to be my Matron of honor (I also have a Maid of Honor).  She is my oldest friend, and knowing how well she put her own wedding together I want her wisdom.  I think about it for a min because of her situation, and then think what the heck she's currently dating a new guy and very happy, it can't hurt to ask.  She's thrilled, can't believe I asked her, so excited.  I organize a wedding girls group on my FB so they all have contact together it's all good.  8mos later....the ball needs to get started on the Bridal shower.  I get her my list of invites.  The rest of the BM's are trying to get ahold of her but she's not responding in a timely fashion if she responds at all.  I am now the connection between all the girls.  I organzie a meeting of the minds at my moms house (I won't be there as I shouldn't be).  Now I'm told that the metting went rather well, and she insisted she needs no help with invites or anything she has it all under control........now here begins some of what I think are some rather large issues.

1) she calls me and asks if there is anyone I can cut from my list of 40 because between her and 7 other BM's she feels she doesn't want to pay more that $50 for my shower

2) MY maid of honor discusses with her that she's paying a large % of the bachelorette party (which she is planning) and also purchasing the shower cake from a local baker and wanted to know if that would suffice for her contribution.  Which I think is more than fair since my Matron is not putting in any extra.  Well she tells her no it is not enough and she still needs money and feels that I don't need a nice cake from a baker and should just get me a grocery store cake.  I was a little floored by this....am I wrong for feeling so??

3) My mother calls me because she is getting concerned because my Matron has not gotten back to her and no one knows anything about the decor, invites, or extras needed at the shower.....we are now 7 1/2wks from the shower.

4) A very close family friend who is involved with the shower offers to make up all the invites complete with the thank you cards....it's a special thing she likes to do for friends......my matron refuses and insists she wants something more special. She ended up getting hallmark recycled paper invites that were a tan brown color with almost stick figure style bride and groom dressed in black and white polka dots. (My colors are eggplant and silver)

5)My mother asks her if she needs help getting out invites as we are now 5wks away, she declines any help.

6) 3wks away from my shower I leave her a message telling her to drop the invites off at my house and I will stuff them with the registry info and mail them out.  Which I did with one of my BM's.

7) I order my own food as she never did it.

8) My next oldest friend in the world, trying to help relieve some of the stress, steps up to the plate and pays for the $100 room deposit and is also contributing the predetermined amount plus making extra food trays to keep the cost under 50. She then messages her and says I will get the water!?!?

9) I had made appointments for all the girls at the salon for hair the day of the wedding, as the photographer will be there snapping away of all us girls getting ready together.  She informs me she'd rather just go to her own salon as she feels $65 is an insane price to get a wedding updo.  I've paid well over 65 myself, and I also have opted for my own hairdresser in the past, but only knowing that we were not all going to the same place to begin with and there was no photographer present for hair.  Had she not been so sarcastic I would have paid for her to get her hair done because it means a lot to me that she is there.

There are more smaller things I don't want to get into, but those small things packed on top of the rest is really upsetting to me. I have tried having a heart to heart with her and I still want to offer to somehow pay for either some or all of her hair because despite this side of her that I'm seeing, I still remember what I loved about my old friend.  I however feel that my friend who is stepping up in a major way for me should have been in the Matron position all along, we too have a huge history and she is an amazing friend.  I was going to try to make changes, however my should be Matron told me that she doesn't need a fancy title to know where she stands with me. I know I should look beyond her Matronzilla attitude and I'm trying to but things just keep popping up, and I'm very afraid of what might happen to come out of my mouth during my bachelorette party if her zilla side comes out.  Lord knows its all fair game to me when I'm drinking!!

So what to do what to do?  My fiance has told me he read there is always one friendship lost from a wedding.....is this that friendship?

Trying to enjoy this ride I'm on, but these potholes just keep irratating me!

Advice???

@Wonderstruck: I never asked or expected a bridal shower from her.  She took it upon herself, but has been refusing to communicate with the BM's and my mom who also wants to be part of this.  She could have easily said she didn't have money or time for this.  Like I said before someone offered to make the invites.....this would have cost her $0.  I also mentioned that all the other girls are paying the same amount as her.....so again I'm not expecting her to pay for or plan it all.  Many people are trying to offer her help with the planning and she is refusing yet not getting the job done, so that puts me in the position of do I let her continue or step in and say hey why don't you just let everyone else step in like they want since it seems to be an issue for her.  I never said I required her to get her hair done, I was just hoping to not get the negative sarcastic attitude when I asked her, which is why I stated I would have paid for it if it was a to expensive for her so we could all be together.  I guess when I think of a Maid or matron of honor I think of someone who cares for you just as much as you care for them and you want to be with them that whole day and be their support....like I did for her at her wedding.  If the financial end of it is too much for them then I would hope, since I obviously feel that close to them, that they could talk to me about it.  All my bridesmaids know I would help them financially in any way I can.  I just want them standing there with me.  I never said I wanted to end the friendship, however her negative attitude towards everything is making me question how true a friend she really is.  I think maybe you skipped a few lines here and there when you were reading my original post.