Matron of Honour Issue!!! Am I too sensitive? Should I be annoyed?(LONG)

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@hotsoup:  Unfortunately sometimes when people get married their friend’s true colors show.  She has made it pretty clear that she has no interest in being a part of your life.  I would not have her in my bridal party and I would not have her attend my wedding.

Post # 4
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

it’s very weird.  It feels like something is going on in her life.  Have you asked about her life?  Maybe you missed something big happening with her (I just found out my BM – who has been weirdly hard to reach lately – has an infant nephew on life support.  I had no idea, she thought she told me, I swear she didn’t, needless to say I feel/felt terrible for her).  Reach out to her and ask her what’s happening with her, maybe you missed something, maybe something was misunderstood between you.

Post # 6
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

She sounds a teensy bit unstable to me!

Post # 7
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Maybe you can have a heart to heart with her? Find out what’s going on and what her attitude is? I’d have asked wth she meant by the cussing thing and where she got that from, that’s bizarre. 🙁 Good luck!

Post # 8
Hostess
9919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@hotsoup:  But did you ask what’s happening with her?  Perhaps she dosn’t feel like you’re interested in HER life.  Yes, you reached out and pointed out that you haven’t spoken in 2 months – In the other times you spoke since you got engaged did you ask about HER life or were all your convos about the wedding?  Maybe she feels like you’ve forgotten about her in your excitement.  I’m not saying you have, but I’m trying to see this from her side.

I think the trip to England is a seperate isssue, I’m sure she hoped she’d be in your bridal party but said what she said so as not to sound presumptuous – she sounds rather propoer.  I wouldn’t give up on the friendship, perhaps make a point of trying to call her again, have strictly non-wedding chat, ask about her kids, her DH etc.

Post # 11
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

She does sound a little off, especially that whole London story, but in this case, I think you may have just put her on the defensive and she made up a stupid excuse.   Instead of coming at her all why haven’t you talked to me in all this time, I probably would have just called to  have a fun conversation and then gone from there to ask if everything was OK if she was still acting weird.  

I’ve had close friends who I talk to only every month or two,especially if they live that far away.   People get busy with their lives but it doesn’t have to mean you are necessarily any less close. 

Post # 12
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It seems like she has lost some marbles and is not the friend you imagined her to be. I vote cut ties and leave the drama behind you… It’s too strange.

Post # 13
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

Without more than your story and intuition, I’d say there was something that happened between your FI and her– a flirtation, an argument, a misunderstanding, something that’s put her in a weird place.  You’ve got to get to the bottom of it.

Post # 15
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Something is up with her, but mostly it sounds like she doesnt want to be there for you – and it was great to have your support when she needed you, but it doesnt seem she cares as much about you as you do about her. :/

I would give her one more chance. I would also do it sooner rather than later, because you dont want to wait till last minute when bm dress decisons have to be made and what not. Make a phone date (dont do it through over the internet typing or texts). Make suuure there is nothing going on in her life, a fight with her husband, problems with her kids, ect. that is causing her to withdraw from you because maybe she is overwhelmbed or embarrased. Sometimes people are afraid to add more pressure to you when you are engaged by talking about their problems. 

If she really sees nothing wrong with her behaviour and there really isnt anything going on, on her end, then its time to find a way to distance yourself. You dont want someone like that in your wedding pictures. I think the worst part is that she views you as a person who she has to walk on egg shells around and that you cuss at her, ect. If that does not allign with your true personality – that stings really bad. 

 

A very similar thing happened with my best friend/cousin after I got engaged. She doesnt do well with commitment and took that out on me – she called me things and said things to me I didnt even think were possible from anyone, let alone from my best friend of 25 years…. Unfotunately, we are no longer friends. 

Good luck

 

 

 

 

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