Mature Love – What does that mean to you?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

angyjaxon:  To me it means that nothing is ever worth shouting about. We both care more about each other’s happiness than our own, and we help each other grow and develop as individuals. 

Post # 3
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Contemporary Art Center of Peoria

angyjaxon:  AGH, YES! All of this! SO MUCH. 

Respect and communication. Being able to “fight” without screaming. Being able to LISTEN and put your own feelings aside for a minute. Being able to ADMIT you’re wrong! Supporting one another. Not talking down to, or about your SO. 

 

Post # 5
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

angyjaxon:  To me it’s A LOT about communication (being able to have all the adult conversations, even the difficult and “not fun” ones).

And having the ability to put someone elses needs before your own because you care about them.

I know that sounds cliche, but too many times we hear people complain about what their partner could’ve done for them and what all of their wants are.

There’s nothing wrong with voicing your needs, but when you can make sure you’re reciprocating; that’s mature!

Post # 6
Member
2151 posts
Buzzing bee

MissCoupon:  I like how you said not talking badly about your SO. I hear women trashing their guys all the time, and I just find it so wildly inappropriate. Even ladies I worked with and wasn’t even good friends with, it’s like complaining is a sport with some people! I just feel like I want everyone to see the best in my FI, just like I do, I think talking trash about his weaknesses would be wildly disrespectful and I’m sure he wouldn’t do that to me. I often wonder what these people’s partners would think if they heard how their husbands/wives were talking about them. 

Post # 7
Member
77 posts
Worker bee

This is such a great thread! I think the word “mature” says it all. Mature love is knowledgeable and fulfilling for both parties. It’s when you trust someone completely (even if you’ve been hurt a million times before) and think of each other, not just yourselves.

My SO and I have been together for 5 years, and it’s amazing how much our love has “matured”! I look forward to any further transformations as well! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
2270 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

For us, I knew we had found mature love when we went went 1 1/2 years and only saw eachother maybe a total or 4 weeks…and made it!  We learned that if we could survive a LDR of those proportions, we could make anything happen. 

We know that neither one of us is perfect.  He knows that I have a fiery temper if provoked, and he will forget EVERYTHING and I have to remind him 10k times…we respect eachother’s weakness and grow from them.  Yes, we may get upset and I may act like a 10 year old and lose my temper sometimes, but he knows I’ll also be the first one to apologize and admit that I was wrong.  To me, mature love is loving the “hard things” and helping the other to grow and improve.

Post # 9
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

MissCoupon:  swonderful:  Yes, I agree completely. It actually makes me angry when I hear people bitching about their partners like that – no one forced you to be with them! I could never say anything so hurtful about my partner, and I always wonder how much they actually care about each other when they’re able to say that.

I, too, try to see the best in my partner – I do notice his bad qualities, but I try to dwell on the good instead of the bad. I regularly remind myself of all the reasons I fell in love with him, and all of the things (the good, the bad, and the ugly) that we’ve been through together. We’ve both grown so much since we’ve met. For me, stability equals mature love.

Post # 10
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

, 1000x whatever everyone else said! 

 

Post # 11
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

angyjaxon:  An example that I can think of:  If one of you is home late one night.  ‘Younger love’ – pouting, accusations, probably an argument about where the other person might have been, etc.  ‘Mature love’ – a simple ‘next time would you just drop me a quick line so I know that nothing bad has happened and so I don’t wait around to have dinner with you.’ 

Another possible example: having friends that are of the opposite sex.  ‘Young love’ – No way!  No how! They’re possible competition.  ‘Mature love’ – I’d like to know who they are (I probably already do anyway) and while we both acknowledge that we had a life before we met each other, we understand that is in the past, and that half the world is made up of the opposite gender and rein in the jelousy.  

Post # 12
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I think it all comes down to mutual respect and care for each other.

I don’t think that it is synnonymous with “perfect” however. A lot of people are talking about never shouting/fighting/having silly disagreements. To me Bickering here and there does not automatically dub a realtionship “immature.” Or any other little imperfections like that.

I think it is mainly about having the common goal of constantly improving your relationship and unconditionally being your partner’s right hand person who is there to build them up and not tear them down. Aka: when disagreeing not making jabs, communicating rather than screaming VERY loud to indicate that you are VERY upset and so on.

But it’s a process to go through together. The process toward becoming better together. Isn’t that what relationships are all about? It’s about being better together than you are apart 🙂

I also second whoever made the comment about its NOT constantly b*tching about your spouse! This is such a pet peeve of mine when women (who aren’t on the verge of breaking up with their bf or partner lol) complain about their partner. My FI and I have a pact about never speaking negatively about the other person to anyone. ever. It’s just plain disrespectful and hurtful in my opinion to go to work and go on and on to your buddies about how awful your husband is at laundry, how he never takes out the trash, looked really silly in that shirt, etc. etc. It’s almost like gossiping about your own spouse!

Even if looking for advice on a conflict from a third party, there are ways to say non-butterfly/rainbow things that are still respectful and appropriate.

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