Post # 1
My work contract ended in January and thanks to cuts wasn’t re-newed I have been desperately searching ever since applying for over 15 jobs a week (any tips would be great here)
My Fiance hasn’t worked since August. except like a 3 day job in February sometimes I feel like he’s not even trying like he enjoys being a “kept man” well sorry Fiance I can’t afford to “keep” you.
Wedding is now 7 months away I still need to pay off the venue, get a cake, transport, suit’s, flower girl stuff as well as pay regular bills and buy stuff for my kids.
It just feel’s like its all falling on me to sort out. I have paid everything so far so I will lose all the deposits if I cancel it he won’t lose anything. I also had to plan everything because he always just says your better at that stuff then me, I do everything, sometimes it feels like he wants a mum not a wife it gets really infuriating.
I don’t wanna cancel the wedding but looking at it logically I cannot afford it unless I get hired in the next week or some rich person offers to pay it for me (unlikely) I can’t even afford to downsize to a courthouse, and garden party from the church and reception I couldn’t afford it after losing all the deposits.
I cannot get a loan because I have no job to pay it back, and I have no family who could help
If worst comes to worse how do I tell everyone its off?
Post # 3
I am aware this is a rant By The Way but any advice would be great
Post # 4
I’d be interested to know why your Fiance isn’t all that keen on working. I wouldn’t be so worried about paying off the wedding as I would be sitting down and having a very frank conversation with your Fiance. Is he going to expect to be supported during your marriage? Is this an arrangement that you are comfortable with?
Everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason for this is to take a step back and review what’s going on in your life right now and made changes and tweaks as you deem to be appropriate.
No offense, but a real man will take care of his fiancee, ESPECIALLY if she is having a rough time. What, is he completely oblivious to all of this and still sitting around doing nothing about it? Are the kids you speak of both of yours, or just yours? Real great father figure, letting you shoulder the burden by yourself.
You need to talk to this guy and explain what is going on. I’m assuming you’ve told him that you can’t afford the wedding and will have to call it off?
Post # 5
Also, if you decide that you actually want to marry this guy, I would contact your venue and vendors and explain the situation and see if they can push the date back without losing your deposits. They might be flexible and offer you some leeway.
Post # 6
I’d be more concerned about the fact that your Fiance doesn’t see the need to work for a living. I’ve seen a lot of friends (and my mom!) end up married to a deadbeat and it really is awful. I’m not saying that’s what your Fiance is, only you know him, but I’d certainly be concerned because you can’t really expect him to change when you marry him.
Post # 7
Yes, he needs to support you more & help you out, you do need to have a talk about it.
Post # 8
I would be sitting down and having a heart to heart with this man about contributing to the relationship. There aren’t many of us who get to sit around and do nothing. As hard as it is to find the perfect job, it is almost always possible to find some work that will contibute to the family’s finances. If that means retail, working in fast food, washing dishes,or yard and garden work- he can get up off his derriere and do something.
In your situation, I would be re-assessing my choice of life partner.
Post # 9
my advice would be to treat your job search like a full time job. networking is key, let everyone you know that you are looking for work. there is no shame in it, many people are in your boat right now. you never know when you will meet someone who can help you.
could you and your fh get some counseling regarding the relationship and making equal contributions?
Post # 10
@ViaMinorViator: Me too. I’d be interested in why your Fiance doesn’t go work. I HATE guys to be deadbeat. No offense, just my opinion.
I think a real relationship is supposed to be equal, without only one side to put on effort. I ditto what pp said here. You really need to have a talk with your Fiance.