Post # 1
I haven’t really told many friends of this I think because I am trying to act like its not real but my FH’s dad is very sick. We just found out that not only does he have cancer in his kidney (and he only has 25% of ONE kidney functioning) but he also has colon caner. We just found this out a month ago. He’s 80 and they want to operate next week.
My FH and I just had a serious conversation last night about his fears with this and how he’s handling it. His dad had a cardiogram yesterday and it wasn’t good so now we’re not even sure if he CAN have the surgery. Well, FH happened to mention that if he does have the surgery and he comes out of it okay that he was thinking of moving the wedding up. Not sure how I feel about that added financial stress on top of all of this but I was thinking a lot lately about how I want us to have both full sets of parents at our wedding and I am already heart-broken that my grandfather didn’t stick around long enough to even see us get engaged.
Ughhhhh… it’s almost impossible to actually think of what life would b like if he’s not okay. I haven’t really vented this to anyone. Would anyone else bump up the wedding or maybe just do a city hall kinda thing asap and then worry about the party portion of it which we both want? Kinda hard to worry about this and that. Oh so confusing.
Post # 3
I’m so so sorry to hear about this difficult time in your lives!
I know the wedding is supposed to be a happy time free of stress, but often there are many unexpected things that alter the course of plans.
I think it’s important to think about how you would feel if you waited and possibly didn’t have your father-in-law there… would you wish you had the wedding sooner?
I’m sure he’d love to see his son get married, and I think it’s really important to consider your FI’s feelings in all of this. If this were one of your parents, you may also want to move up the wedding.
I know it’ll be tough financially, but in the end, the wedding is about celebrating your love with the people who care about you around, so with all these things considered I’d be inclined to do all I could to bump the wedding up…
Post # 4
It sounds like Dad is having a tough time and I think you may be right that doing a court house or justice of the peace at home (if he is too ill to go anywhere) with immediate family on both sides, then on your original wedding day do a blessing and your reception.
Your original day is far off enough that by then people will have been able to greive and your wedding blessing and reception will be a much more happy occasion that they will be happy to celebrate.
And then you could do a nice something to commemorate his dad.
Post # 5
I’m sorry. This kind of thing is always hard. My Future Mother-In-Law died 2.5 weeks before our wedding. My mom (bride’s grandmother) died 1 month before my daughter’s wedding. Do what feels right to you, and know that even if you can move up your date, ultimately you don’t have control over the situation. Prayers to all of you.
Post # 6
Oh StarIzInkd, I’m really sorry to hear that. I would move it up if it’s important to your FH. Yes, it might be stressful and not what you had originally envisioned, but you’ll always remember that all your parents were there and hey, you’ll get to be married sooner, too. I hope your Future Father-In-Law gets through this.
Post # 7
Thanks all for the kind words. I don’t even know what to do for him and I’m really nervous because if it doesn’t turn out well, I don’t know that I’ll be able to even deal with FH. He just sprung this on me last night that he was thinking of maybe pushing up the wedding date. I then explained to him the only way we could really do that is if we just do a ceremony for now which would really be what is important after all and then worry about a party for when we were planning it. His dad is going in on Tuesday so it’s starting to make me worry about all these things now.
@creativeplannertobee: I can’t even begin to imagine how horrible that is. My best friends Mother-In-Law was very sick at her wedding but they were just so happy she was able to be there with them on that day. She passed several months later but it was such a releif that she got to see her son marry his love.
I also don’t know what exactly FH means by “push up” we have no idea how much time this surgery will give him, or how much time he will have if he doesn’t have the surgery.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I am so very sorry that your FI’s Dad is so ill. My Grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in late June. Our wedding was scheduled for early October. My Grandfather’s goal was to be there for my wedding, but he died 7 days before the wedding. If I could do one thing differently, it would have been to hold our legal ceremony sooner so that he could have been there for it.
In those last few days of his life as I sat by his bedside, and in the month since then, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how fragile and temporary life can be. Sometimes we just have to seize the moment, even if it isn’t ideal, to share the big stuff with the people who matter most to us. Don’t wait for tomorrow, because it isn’t guaranteed. So my advice to you is to do the legal ceremony now, and hold your vow renewal ceremony with the big party later, on the original schedule.
Post # 9
@lovekiss: I’m so very sorry for that. That was my main thought last summer when my grandfather died, that he wouldn’t be at my wedding. It kills me inside when I think of that.
Post # 10
That is a tough situation to be in, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. I really hope his dad will be ok.
I moved the wedding closer because my dad had terminal cancer in which the miracle we were hoping for was nowhere in sight.
We moved it up and unfortunately my dear dad didn’t make it. I have nasty inlaws that didn’t see why we moved it up OR kept it after he died (nice, huh?) Well the way I saw it was, my dad died knowing the date, but also, it helped to ensure that perhaps everyone else would be there.
Unfortunately, there was another death in the family, right before the wedding. I mean, I’m just saying, imagine this: his dad is fine, or worse: he’s not. Either way, choosing to have the date sooner you should think of it as helping to ensure the rest of your loved ones will be there. You really just never know when you’re gonna go, know what I mean?
I say, move the date up, hope for the best, keep the plans no matter what happens. Keep pushing forward.
Post # 11
I really just want to hug all of you.