(Closed) May need to uninvite my father…could use some support

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I would explain to him that his behaviour is unnacceptable. Let him know that this has to stop right now for your sake. If he is unwilling then calmly explain that if he is unable to behave himself then he will not be able to attend the wedding. He will either handle it two ways. He will appologize and behave or he will freak out and i could be the end of your relationship. Either way you will need to be ok with the outcome.

Post # 4
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry!  I don’t have any great advice, but I will say that I think you guys should try to get your dad a full check up.  Thinking your wife and child are conspiring against you isn’t a normal thing, and it’s probably a good idea to rule out any health problems that could be causing his attitude/behavior.  Not to add extra stress to you! 🙁

Post # 5
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@missbumblebee:  Wow his reactions seem very extreme.  And I agree with PP, you need to sit him down and tell him you love him, you want him there, but that his behavior towards your new family will not be tolerated.  If he can’t handle that, he is free not to attend!

Post # 6
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have worked in the medical field for some time and many times a change of dosage in the epilepsy medications can cause a mood change. I agree that you may want to get him into the Dr for a checkup.  Also you may want to talk to your mom and have her call the Dr. in advance and let him know about your dads change in mood.  Also when he brings up situations that bother him try and bring light to it for him.  Reassure him that you are his little girl and no one will take that from him.  From reading your post you love your father rightfully so and I think your day would not be complete with out him there.

 

Post # 7
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I absolutely agree with @amandabones. I take hardcore anti-seizure medication to treat my bipolar disorder and they can cause normally stable people to get completely whacked out. They’ve made me do similar things; for a while I was convinced people were breaking into my house at night, every night, until I went down on the drugs. My FI had the same issue with them, and has since gone off them.

Before you uninvite your dad (which, by the way, is a total understandable reaction), definitely talk to his doctor. Sometimes people don’t even realize how they are coming off and can’t understand why other people think they’re being verbally abusive/threatening–it just seems completely normal to them, because it’s become their baseline.

Do you know what medication he takes? Things like Lamictal, Topamax, and Depakote can all cause paranoia/anxiety/aggression.

 

Post # 8
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It could also be that He’s developed high blood pressure. I would write him a letter thet you have noticed his behavior change and are worried. Let him know he needs to see a doctor. It’s best to do this in a letter so that he can’t have the same intant and extreme reaction in person. It’s harder to yell if the persons not there. It also gives him time to think before he reacts. Just make sure your wording shows your love and concern.

Post # 9
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It could also be that He’s developed high blood pressure. I would write him a letter thet you have noticed his behavior change and are worried. Let him know he needs to see a doctor. It’s best to do this in a letter so that he can’t have the same intant and extreme reaction in person. It’s harder to yell if the persons not there. It also gives him time to think before he reacts. Just make sure your wording shows your love and concern.

Post # 10
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just have to ask, how are you planning on keeping your dad from attending the wedding? Bodyguards?  This is a serious question, just fyi.  

Post # 11
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@missbumblebee:  I don’t mean this in any sort of mean way, but does your father have any mental illness on top of the epilepsy? It doesn’t seem like your FFIL has given your dad any reason to not like him yet he seems to feel he has valid reason to not like him and protect you in his own little way. That is a horrible situation to be in. I would attempt to talk to him again perhaps alone and explain what this is doing to you. If after that you still can’t get through to him I would see what actions to take then.

Post # 12
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

So sorry you’re having to sort this out. It really feels awful having to worry about your parents for a day you would hope they might just be happy and proud. Maybe let it cool off a week or two with no contact if you can, then send him a letter or email so he can’t talk over you and tell him that you love him and want his support in a peaceful and happy wedding. Just be careful not to accuse or defend if what you really want is to diffuse the emotions so you dont have to cut him out. Not every parent is a strong conversationalist on the spot.. Mine arent, but letters have worked for me at delicate times. Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It definitely sounds like he should visit the doctor. I hope this all works out for you. 

Post # 15
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Do you have Alzheimers in the family?  If so, there is the slightest chance that it’s creeping in early.  Generally folks get super grumpy before the rest of the stuff kicks in.  Otherwise, it’s likely the med dosage isn’t quite right.  Because honestly, his argument and behavior do not sound the lease bit reasonable.  Good luck!!

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