Maybe I'm just freaking out and getting cold feet…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

Personally, if your wedding isn’t until April and your feeling like this now, then it might be too soon. I would think “cold feet” would come into play closer to the wedding.

Maybe I’m wrong. I havent’ had cold feet, so I don’t know. But if there were any doubt in my mind about getting married, then I probably wouldn’t go through with it.

It doesn’t hurt to postpone things if you have to.  

Post # 4
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i hear immaturity. Sorry.  But his sexual past means nothing now. If he is with you none of it matters anymore. You will have to figure out a way to get past it. 

Post # 6
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sunnyb07:  I think that you need to let go of the past and not obsess over it to the point where it ruins your future.  I had a similar situation to yours when I got married: I’m 23, DH is 30, I only had one partner before him sexually, and he’s had more than you can count on six hands Tongue Out  However, most of those occurences happened in his early twenties and he’s not the same man anymore.  Either way, it’s in the past, he loves me and is committed to me and that’s all that matters.

 

If you truly think you might not be ready, don’t set an official date.  Be engaged and be together, and if and when you feel truly ready, set a date.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My fiancé and I are due to get married in less than 6 months. I am also 24 and he will be 36 next month. Everybody has a past my fiancé has a 13 year old daughter. Sometimes I wonder if I’m getting cold feet, things like am I just settling for him? Is there something or someine better out there for me? Is it going to work out? I think everyone feels a bit wobbly at one point. If u do feel that strongly about it and bothers u that much maybe u should speak to him? Bottom line is if u love him and want to spend ur life with him his past shouldn’t matter! It should be the future ur thinking of!

Post # 8
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@Sunnyb07:  Only you can sort out your feelings and decide for yourself. 24 is young to know what you want to do with your whole life and who you want to commit to. I am not saying it is too young, just young. It is ok to be uncertain about things though.

The best advice I can give is, be certain that you ready for marriage and a lifetime commit when you decide to do it. That doesn’t mean you have to have your whole life figured out, but that does mean you should be comfortable and willing to work through problems and issues, and be certain your FI is right person for you at this point in time. 

FWIW, I got engaged at 24 and married at 25 (DH was 27). We both graduated from college 3 years ago, have had stable jobs since and have been together for 10 years. Were we financially and emotionally stable? Yes. We were certain about our relationship and committment? Yes. Do we have our entire lives figured out? Absolutely not. So, I did not have any major meltdowns or panic attacks, but then I again, I typically don’t anyway.

The way I see it, this is presenting you with a great opportunity to take a step back and reflect on your current situation. Is this right for YOU at this point in time? If you come to the realization that you want to wait a little longer, then that is OK. Just be sure to sit down with your FI and communicate your concerns and feelings with him.

Post # 9
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

My mom always said that you need to know yourself and be a whole and independent person before you get married. You haven’t completed school, and sounds like you don’t know exaclty what you want to do. Not that you need to know what you want to do at 24 — but you should have an ability to be emotionally and financially secure. I’m not sure if you don’t feel confident enough in your sexual chemistry or if just his number bothers you but that’s another insecurity that you need to address before you tie the knot. Maybe discuss it with a therapist either by yourself or as a couple to see what is the root cause of those feelings.

I agree with PP: if you see a future together maybe don’t set a date until you are a whole person, who is confident in yourself and your relationship.

Post # 11
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Sunnyb07:  I would say let go of the past. He is with you now, and you are the one he loves and asked to marry him all those women before you werent important. Dont set a date until your ready enjoy being engaged and take some time to get to know him further. Discuss your thoughts with him as well. He will understand your feelings. Good luck hunny. And it is fine to have cold feet earlier. Just take your time on planning/setting a date. I gaurentee tho its just a after engagement jitters.

Post # 13
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My FI & I are 8 years apart, I am 28 he is 36. I had just turned 23 when we first started dating. Now he has had more (A LOT MORE) sexual partners then me but I also had more then 1 partner. However, consider yourself the lucky one. He proposed to you, you are planning your wedding with him. 

When we started dating, I had nothing. No real career, no car, I was a single mom of a 2 yr old living at my moms. He has helped me grow in soo many ways! I have a brand new car, a good career, a house, 2 daughter’s now, and I am soo thankful everyday for him. He has helped me better myself.

Of course there are times I get jealous of him with his life experiences. (I was a mom at 20 and he didn’t become a father until he was 33 -which is our youngest daughter). He has travelled, partied, and done things I never had the chance to experience. But I Have gotten a chance to experience a lot of 1st with hims. 

You get to have a future with a man you truly love. Embrace it!!! WHo cares that he has more sexual partners then you – that doesn’t mean anything! You can have so many new sexual experiences with your FI because you have an emotional connection rather then sleeping with somebody that you have no connection with at all – it would be meanlingless besides adding a notch in the belt. You have a supportive FI that you will experience so many 1st with and look back on them when you are older and be appreciative.

Focus on the positive for an amazing future together and a lifetime of memories.

 

Post # 15
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@Sunnyb07:  Don’t freak out because of the difference in experiences. I never travelled until I met my FI. We have been to Hawaii, Vegas, Cruise, etc. While he never went to Hawaii until me. He had been to Vegas and on a few cruises but I didn’t let that ruin anything. I just enjoyed doing those things with him.

As for the sexual experiences – who cares that had more partners then you. If you get bored, spice it up. Add things, do something different, etc. make it fun!

 

Post # 16
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

Reading your last few posts… Maybe it is best to postpone things, but stay engaged. I know a couple who got married and ended up divorcing because she wanted to experience the fun, single life that she never had. (They married young – age 19/20) and she wanted to go to clubs and flirt and get picked up by guys. 

I personally think she could have lived a “party life” with her SO, go to the club with him, have him pick her up, etc. But she didn’t see it that way I guess.

If you’re feeling you might miss that, don’t rush into marriage because the feelings probably won’t go away. 

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