Maybe I'm old fashioned….

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Uh..some of us weren’t “waiting”. We got engaged at the 7 year mark but I was still in no rush to get married. Everyone is different.

Post # 4
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@VikingPrincess:  I’m old fashioned to a point however i feel like it’s base on the situation for me. December will make 8 years of dating for my SO & I. we were teens (16 & 19) when we met and had to do a lil grown up most of it together some of it apart. We are more sure now then ever it took both of some growing up and before now we may have wanted to get married be we sure weren’t ready. My FBIL has been with has gf for over 13 years and i personally wouldn’t wait that long. However I feel if the guy isn’t ready you should not push him I’ve told my SO that i feel after a certain amount of time a guy should kno and if he doesn’t the woman has every right to leave. If I ever felt like my SO wasn’t ready i would have left. But that’s just me :). 

Post # 6
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We were in college/grad school. He wanted to wait until he had settled into his ph.d. program, and we’re getting married after he’s got his official candidacy. We started dating at 18 (almost 19) and 20, respectively. 5 years til engagement, 7 years til wedding.

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I would hope the women who are dating this long started at a young age.

I was 23 when I met my last SO. Left at 29. He was 22 at the time we met so I never pushed for marriage back then. We still had some growing up to do. It wasn’t until I was 26 that I got the ‘itch’ 

Lately I’m noticing alot of younger bees waiting here who are stressing about getting married. Something disturbing about that to me. 

Post # 8
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@NickiBee:  What is “younger” to you? I think it’s not just based on age but circumstance. I wanted to know at 22 (college graduation time) what his plans were, because I wanted to go to grad school, he did, too, and I wasn’t going to make decisions about my schooling or career around him unless after 4-5 years he was willing to make a commitment. I think 22 is young by statistical standards but it wasn’t just because I wanted a big party. 

Post # 9
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@VikingPrincess:  We got engaged after 5.5 years, and are getting married at nearly 9 years.

I never considered myself ‘waiting’; it was simply pointless getting engaged any sooner than we did as we’re having a long enough engagement as it is. No need for anyone to feel sad for me lol; it was a mutual decision and in fact, his proposal came much earlier than I expected (I thought that at the earliest he might have proposed 5 months after he did, and was actually expecting him to propose about 1.5 years after he did).

Different couples are in different circumstances, and not everyone feels the need to rush and get married. For us, marriage will just be a piece of paper; that’s it. I want to be married for legal reasons but would happily have waited longer to get engaged and longer to get married.

Post # 10
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i don’t think it’s appropriate to judge when you don’t know the circumstances.  for example, we got engaged a little after 7 years. when we met, we were 18 and then had 5 years of college to finish.  my husband wanted us to be financially secure/settled in our lives/jobs before proposing, and i don’t think that’s horrible.

Post # 11
Member
8914 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@VikingPrincess:   I would agree with you – you must be very old-fashioned to generalize that women in the situation you describe are “waiting for the man to propose”.

We didn’t get engaged until our ~12 year anniversary, at age 29 and 31.  Neither of us wanted to get married young, even though we were 100% madly in love and committed.  We always viewed our 20s as a time for adventure and exploration (we’ve lived in several different countries and all over the US) and our 30s for settling down (careers, buying a house, getting married – check).  I always wanted to get married around age 30.  I’ll be 31.

 

Post # 12
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Not everyone starts dating when it is “acceptable” to get married (Like if they date young, childhood/schoolhood sweethearts, so to speak) so waiting 7-15 years isn’t outrageous.

 

Not everyone “waits”, not everyone feels marriage is as important as everyone else, therefore it isn’t a big deal if a proposal or a wedding doesn’t come along in a decade.

I find it hard to see what is “old fashioned” about marrying quickly. People get married whenever they want. It doesn’t make anybody, especially the man, “Less honorable.” Marriage doesn’t make anyone more honorable, regardless as to how long they waited to get married.

Post # 13
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

how is it honorable for a man to think it’s acceptable to take up that much of a womans time if he doesn’t plan on proposing?

Hmmm… interesting perspective. I wonder the opposite: how is it honorable for a woman to wait any amount of time for marriage if that’s what she really wants while the man continues to lead the woman on?

At some point, hopefully sooner than later, the woman needs to make a decision and decide when she needs to leave and find a good man who does want to get married… there are many of them out there.

Post # 14
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

@love108:  I get general conversations of wanting to see you’re on the same wavelength. But actively waiting, stressing about getting engaged/married when you’re 21/22 is an anomaly to me. I’d say teens to early 20s category I’m thinking why the urgency to say ‘I do’

The 21-23 year old me was so different back then. Compared to the 29 year old me now. Marriage wasn’t on my radar back then. But that’s just my take on it.

I also consider the regional differences. In the south, getting married young is common. So that could play a role.

Post # 16
Member
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s best not to assume that the women in these relationships wish to be engaged already, and that the men are “holding things up.”

I was not ready to get engaged before we did. It was after 5 years. I never knew about the concept of “waiting” until I arrived at this website. Nobody was “waiting” in my relationship. We were “dating.” It was a good thing, and we were both very happy with it. Now we are engaged. It happened naturally.

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