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@MeganTacky2247: I'm pretty similar, but I don't know if I'll be much help.
Usually in those situations I'd call on my DH for help. What I've found to work is doing everything over e-mail and having my DH help me write those e-mails. That way I can make sure I'm staying strong to my point without being overly harsh or overly wishy washy.
I'm still really bad in person, if people start to push hard against me I almost always start to cry. NO idea why and I have absolutely no control over it. But it's really embarrassing so I try and do more confrontational things over e-mail where I have time to gather my thoughts and put forth a strong argument in a calm and collected way.
Do a lot of research it is easier to "argue" prices when you have an idea of what things cost! Especially if you can say "oh thanks for the quote but so-and-so quoted us $X" they will either try to beat/match or if not you have another place to go so you don't feel tied to a particular vendor. I also did a lot of booking/research online and via email, I find it easier to be "hardass" thru a computer :)
Good luck :)
@KatNYC2011: we could be the same person. I am a instant crier too. I just can't stop myself!
@MeganTacky2247: I usually propose my situation to a friend or relative who's really good at doing things like that. I too, try to do most things through email, then I get them to proof read any emails I send, report back to them about the response, and get their opinion on where to go from there.
The more you do it, the easier it gets.
@ShellVee: Totally agree with her
In my case FI is the one who is shy and doesn't ask questions, I on the other hand go prepared with quotes from other vendors, a list of questions to ask, pen and paper ready to write down answers. I also did alot of e-mailing with people and vendors.
Stick to your gun! If you are not happy say it, they won't know and they will walk over you if you don't put your foot down.
I'm generally really shy but when it comes to negotiating I'm not!
I think it's my Chinese background, we're hagglers!!! I was always brought up to be frugal and get the best bang for my buck!!! I will research anything I buy to death before buying. Wedding was the same way.
If you're shy with negotiating I agree email is the best way to go. That way you have time to collect your thoughts.
@.twist.: I hate it! I keep telling myself you are a successful 27 year old woman, why are you crying over whatever silly thing it is??
For example, yesterday I had to go get a parking dispensation and I didn't have the registration number for the moving truck (because they hadn't given it to us and my DH said we didn't really need it). Well the person at the council office refused my application and I almost started to cry because I couldn't argue my way out of it.
Seriously, sometimes I wonder about myself!
Thank you ladies!!! im glad im not the only push over out there!!! haha.
My current reason why I needed this was bc (here comes the back story)
Im a chef by trade, but money wise it smarter to do what i do now (CPA) AND im VERY concerned about the food for our wedding naturally. And I dont want ALL that responsibility on me to make the food plus everything else.
SO, DH has this great little resturant that he loves and they have agreed to do our wedding and yadda yadda.
However, I, yes the bride chef, I have not tried this food yet. and I am NOT about to drop thousands of dollars on something that I have not even tried yet and feed it to 200 guests!!
SO, DH called the guy and was asking if we could try it and the guy was squirming out of it and DH CAVED, which is actually not like him. SO - I am about to take this into my own hands and i refuse to order with a caterer that wont let me try his food!!
I have made fantastic arguments in the mirror to myself lol. Now its just staying strong infront of this guy!! lol.
Im sure i can do it. But, just needed some pep talk! lol
@MeganTacky2247: You can def do it! Just go there and be confident and pretend you are talking to your mirror! :-)
@couawilou Thank you!!! Im getting ready to call soon to set up a meeting!! Wish me luck!! haha :)
@.twist.: The more you do it, the easier it gets.
So true. Research is a great idea too, like PPs have said.
Also--and this depends on your personality but I know it is the case for me--adopting a stern tone of voice is so against-the-grain for me that it shocks me when I do it, I feel so unnatural, and it ends up throwing me off or even causing me to cry awkwardly so I don't get anywhere in negotiating.
So what I do is keep my normal tone and stay excessively polite, but let the words themselves keep the hard line. I realized this when I worked as a reporter. I just have never been able to pull off the Stern Voice unless I am extremely angry (rare), but Nice Voice tends to get much better results.
@Gerbera Thats the thing. I dont know. lol. Its like a little mom and pop place and if their food is great, then im all up for it. ya know. But they dont serve "dinner" and our menu would be lasagna, chix, veggies, etc... and one reason that we are even going with this place is bc FI says that the owner made this special lasagna one time for an art show thing and how amazing the food was. So the owner guy would have to make the food special just for us to try. AND, the more I think about this. If he wont do it just for us to try, then I dont want to give him my business.
Typing really is helping. haha. Im just getting aggitated, and I think Im ready to talk. haha. I have a HUGE list of questions for this guy too. He better wish he would have just talked to DH. lol.
I am indeed a question person!! lol
Interesting. I would def want to try their food as well then.
Maybe make a list to bring with you if that helps? I find when I'm talking to people I always forget in the heat of the moment what I wanted to ask!
@KatNYC2011: I hear ya, I was getting choked up trying to stand my ground while telling our hotel desk clerk that I wasn't happy (during our honeymoon). haha...
@MeganTacky2247: ok. We've figured it out. You say it's a mom & pop shop? Corner the old man and start bawling!!!
hehehehe. JK of course...
hahaha!!! @twist. LOVE this idea!! lol
I actually just called and they said they were super busy and they would call me back. I said who my FI was and the woman on the phone was like " of course dear we will call you" and got really excited. SO - hopefully this goes well!! BUT just in case... this work computer is providing a nice internet search for caterers in town. lol. and Im trying to think of my fav restaurants! :)
@MeganTacky2247: Good idea! Definitely have back ups. Also, if you don't hear from her in a couple days, then call back. If they continue to brush you off, find someone else!
@.twist. Oh yes!! if we dont have something set up (with a call back at least) by the end of the week, im going elsewhere and DH is coming with!! I dont care if he likes that place! lol. Now THATS the attitude I have been looking for!! lol
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So, im pretty shy and quiet. The only real people who see my "attitude" or my angry side are my close friends and of course my FI.
So, is there anyone who can give me kinda the kick in the A** that i need to get certain wedding things done.
Like I will go to a vendor and tell him what I want and Ill get stern, and somehow they gnerally are able to talk me down a bit or ya know, just something, price, whatever.
And i know most people will just say "its your wedding day, just do it" but, are there any other "shy" girls out there with advice?? lol
Thankssss!!!!