Post # 1
Okay, so I’ve posted my situation here a few times, but summary… i’ve been with my boyfriend 8 months, I’m 27 and he’s 31, we plan to marry each other, but (as a lot of us have i think) I definitely thought he was thinking sooner than he is.
The current quandry… cohabitation…
So, we live in Brooklyn, and it’s pretty common here for people to move in together pretty fast for purely financial and convienience reasons. Since we’re so serious, I just assumed we’d move in together soon so we could save money and not have to commute to each other’s houses, etc. I brought this up and he was STRONGLY against it, saying he wasn’t ready yet and he wants it to be when he thinks it’s the right time, etc.
That initially threw me into a violent tailspin of worry… you know, thoughts like “if he dosen’t want to move in with me, he obviously will never marry me!” and stuff like.
Well, now he’s given me the same vague timeline he’s given me for getting engaged (“could be two years, could be two months”) and I was still kind of disheartened, but then I started to think…
He’s never given me any reason to think he’s not committed to me (the other day he said when we die he wants our ashes mixed together, lol), so MAYBE, just MAYBE, him wanting to wait to move in together is actually a GOOD thing? It means he’s putting thought into it and wants it to be a meaningful step in our relationship and not just because it’s easier?
DO YOU THINK THAT COULD BE? THANKS!
Post # 3
It sounds like he is committed to you and it just trying to do the smart thing for himself. It’s important that he does what is right for him in your relationship and not jump to anything too fast. Take a deep breath, all will work out just fine.
Post # 4
It sounds like he wants to take things slower than you do. IMO, 8 months is too soon to move in together or get engaged. Don’t pressure him or rush it, just enjoy things! I don’t think you need to worry that he isn’t serious about you, as most men would probably feel that it’s too soon to live together, even if they are happy in the relationship. If it’s been 2 years and he doesn’t want to move in because he says he’s not ready, then that’s a different story. But also, I wouldn’t get your hopes up that he’s secretly planning to propose and that’s why he doesn’t want to move in… (sorry to be the party pooper)
Post # 5
It sounds like he just doesn’t want to move in together just yet. My fiance didn’t want to move in together till we had dated for at least a year. Him telling you is a lot better than him just letting you move in and not wanting you to.
Post # 6
I just think he’s not ready to take that step of moving in yet, but I don’t think that means he’s not into you. I agree with RunnerBride13 , now if it’s been 2 years then that is a different story. Don’t worry, keep enjoying your relationship living separately 🙂
Post # 7
he is def doing the right thing,he is being honest and going with how he feels.
im 41 and seen it all with couples,my self included.this is jmo,but you have not been a couple long enough to move in together,if you did you could very well rush and it could end before you know it.you maybe serious,but you both need time to grow and learn about each other and sometimes that can take a couple of years,not in 8 months.
i know people do it all the time and very few make it until death do they part,but many who do in such a short time of knowing and being together and rush everything usually end up separated quite a few years down the road.i think your FI knows this and is being very smart.
dont feel hurt because if he cares and loves you that will just continue to grow and get stronger as time goes on,and when he is ready to propose and marry you it will be because he is ready to spend his life with you and for no other reason,and that is when couples can usually count on the until death do you part.
i dont ever think a girl should pressure a guy or keep hinting to the guy they want to get married because a guy will do it when he is ready,on his own.if he feels pressured or doing it only to make her happy if he is not ready,it usually doesnt end well and sometimes they both relize it when it to late,children are involved and everything is just a mess.
good luck,and please be happy knowing you have a smart man that you will oneday get to marry,just let him be the one to propose on his own♥
Post # 9
i agree with all of you… i think i overreacted at first and thought “we don’t want the same things!” but now i see we DO want the same thing- but the only way i’m going to get what i truly want is to wait until he is 100% ready, and then we’ll both be happy.
im actually really glad he thinks of it as a big step… and not just a way to save money