Post # 1
My husband & I started TTC last year in July. We found out we was expecting on December 16th 2010. December 24th 2010 (Christmas Eve) 🙁 I started spoting. It was only brown/maroon blood & not alot at all. But every day or every other day-every three days or so I would spot. We still had hope because we had our first Doctors appointment on January 5th 2011 where they confirmed that they saw a heartbeat but it was to low to hear. Still worried we felt alot better & had to come back in a week to see if the heart beat got any stronger. They also said since the bleeding was brown & wasn’t much it could all be normal from sex, left over old blood, ect. On January 9th I heard my husband unlcoking the door so I stood up to let him in & blood started rushing down my legs. 🙁 We rushed to the ER to be confirmed the baby no longer had a heartbeat. They wrote me some pain medicine & sent us home to have a natural MC in the comfort of our home.
I have type 1 diabetes. It was not in the best control when I got pregnant but I thought as long as once I got pregnant it was in control the baby would be fine. Wrong. 🙁 My sugar has to be under control for at least 6 months before trying again. So we have 3-4 months to go until we can start TTC again. I talked with my husband (who is ready when I am) & decided we should wait till next winter. We have never got to do any big trips (not even a honeymoon) & although we have done alot of mini trips, we are using our tax return for a nice vacation this July. I don’t want to be TTC or pregnant while on the trip so next winter fits the best.
But I think about it alot, about how scary it will be to get pregnant again. How I don’t know if I can handle another MC (I know I would get through it) I already got through one but no one wants to go through something like that more than once or at all even. I think about my diabetes and about how easy it is to keep in control but how even easier it is for my sugars to spike even with my insulin. Oh. 🙁 I just get so scared thinking about it sometimes. But I then remember how much it will all be worth it when we can finally hold a baby of our own.
Post # 4
I’m really sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. This past month was the first month we tried after our miscarriage, and I was praying for/dreading getting a positive all at the same time. I’m terrified of getting pregnant and miscarrying again, but I keep trying because even though I’m scared, we want a baby more than anything. I imagine when I get pregnant again I’ll be a nervous wreck, but I’m trying to stay positive…miscarriages are much more common than I realized, but I know that most women go on to have successful pregnancies.
I don’t have any advice, just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in your fears. I think it’s great that you’re taking time to get your diabetes completely under control. I can’t imagine anything better you could do for yourself and your future baby.
Post # 5
I gave birth to a stillborn baby December 2009 and being pregnant a second time was the second hardest thing I’ve ever been through. On top of all the normal stress of the pregnancy, I had doctor’s appointments constantly and had to meet with a high risk doctor. Every woman who is pregnant is nervous. Every woman who’s had a miscarriage is scared. Every woman who’s had a stillborn baby is terrified.
You just have to figure out if you want to face you fears.
Post # 6
@Mrs Sarah McK: I am so sorry for your loss, as well. Aw, I bet it is really scary on round two. We was planning on round two in Feb-March. But now we decided to wait until next fall/winter after our first big vacation together, well really our second but it is my first time to the beach. I know its still a year away but I think about it alot. Because sometimes I just want to go ahead and start TTC right NOW. We just want a baby so bad. But we know its best to wait. When the time comes I am going to try & stay relaxed. I know either way no matter what happens I am powerless to stop it. So I will just keep telling myself to stay relaxed. Sigh, hopefully that will help.
Congratulations on TTC again & I wish you the best!!!!!
Post # 7
@TheFutureMcBride: That had to be divastating. 🙁 I am so sorry. But I am also so glad you stayed strong & carried on with your life. You sound like a brave lady!!
& A very wise one, too. I will face my fears when it comes time to TTC. Until then all you lovely ladies stay strong & keep positive!
Post # 8
Hey there, here is a thread that may not be all that active anymore, but has some helpful info in it:
TTC After Miscarriage
There are many of us who have experienced miscarriages and it’s awful. TTC again is more stressful than the first time around and the first 12 weeks of pregnancy are terrifying (or were for me, anyways). I wish you all the best : )
Post # 9
@Sweet.Sugar.Rose: It’s really worth it. However, I don’t know if I could’ve said that had things turned out differently.
Post # 10
After our first MC I was terrified/excited to try again. I just felt like we absolutely had to try again ASAP. Trying again was hard because like @Mrs Sarah McK: said I was kind of hoping for/dreading a positive because I wasn’t sure if I could handle miscarrying again. When I got a positive and then miscarried again it was hard…so so hard and completely devastating. And I think about it every day and still spend a lot of time upset about it. But you can get through it. After the first MC I tought that there was no way I’d survive another one. Here I am though, surviving and getting ready to try again next month. You just have to have hope and faith that in the end the result will be worth it!
Post # 11
@Running Elley: I have been keeping up with your story. You are so amazingly strong & brave! You brought tears to my eyes.
I wish you & your husband all of the luck in the world, sweetie!!!!!!!
Thanks everyone for all of the kind words & advice!
Post # 12
You women are all so strong and inspiring.
@Sweet.Sugar.Rose: I had no idea you had a MC or that you have diabetes! I wish you all the best in keeping your sugars under control AND for when you decide to start TTC again. Sorry I don’t have much experience with this topic, but I really do wish you ladies all the best and thank you for sharing. I believe that my Mom had some issues with this and I have a lot of fears for the future, but I guess all you can do is keep on keepin’ on.
Post # 13
aww i have followed your story and many other peoples stories on here… and while i cant relate as far as most of the mc’s (because mine was not far along) i know i feel pain having one at 4 weeks… i just cant imagine…. im scared to try again because i am so disappointed right now. 🙁 dh and i havent even really talked about tryin again :*(
Post # 14
@Juliepants: Thank you so much!
All of you bees & your kind words make me smile. 🙂
@stephanie63087: I am really sorry for your loss! 🙁 At any givin weeks it can hurt so much. I was 9 weeks, so not much farther along than you. But give it some time. Sometimes you just need time to heal. We are planning on TTC next winter. & That will be around 2 years from when we last TTC.
Post # 15
I also miscarried after not even realizing there was a pregnancy, and I attribute the loss to thyroid issues that I didn’t know about until just 2 months ago. Stupid hormones, or lack thereof in my case…
Oddly enough, I don’t have an emotional connection to the “baby” if you want to even call it that, because it was totally unexpected on my part. I’m numb to the memory of it I guess you could say. I had such difficulty even typing “baby”, because it doesn’t even seem real that one was setting up shop in my body before it quickly left it.
Mostly, I have reservations about myself, and my ability to even GET pregnant. Like I’m defective. I’m curious as hell to see if I can even successfully conceive, but my husband and I are not ready for children yet– but I feel the overwhelming urge to make sure that I’m not “broken” if that makes sense. I’m almost impatient about it, and I wonder “what if?” But I often deny myself those feelings to anyone other than fellow Bees. I don’t know if that’s normal, but to sum it up, yes, I am scared to try, but at the same time, I’m also dying to start.
Post # 16
i am terrified to be pregnant again but i am also terrified we wont get pregnant again. it is the weirdest catch 22 almost. i am terrified that my body will fail me and not carry to term, i am terrified that my bod will fail me and just wont fall pregnant.
we are in the TWW right now and i am trying to not get my hopes up for a BFP but im sure you’ll all know how impossible that is. my cousin has just given birth to a beautiful Dirty Delete, my BIL and his girlfirend are trying, my manager is pregnant, and we’re just generally surrounded by kids. i try to just enjoy all the beauty of the miracle of life, try to be joyful about everyone’s pregnancies but it is difficult sometimes because you feel ike shouting ‘why not me, why not us?’
last night i had one dream where i miscarried again, i could feel the blood rushing down my legs, woke up crying, then went back to sleep and dreamt i got a BFP lol. so even my dreams are conflicted, confused and scared lol!
in the grand scheme of things though…i want to hold our child in our arms. and if that means going through more MCs, more pian, more surgery, i will do it. i know i will.